Sharing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 回答时语言不够自然，有语法错误和表达不清晰的问题，例如“Harps helped me to know sharing is a good vibe and behavior”这句话不通顺。建议用更简单明了的句子表达观点，避免使用不恰当的词汇。

例: Yes, my parents always taught me to share with others, especially food. They believed sharing is a kind and positive behavior, and I agree with them.

提案: 回答中存在语法错误和表达不连贯的问题，如“Or choose on my toys”不正确。建议使用完整句子并用连接词使表达更流畅。

例: When I was a child, I often shared snacks and toys with my friends and cousins. Now, I like to share happy stories and good moments with my close friends.

提案: 表达不够清晰，语法错误较多，如“it can burns”应为“it can burn”。建议简化句子结构，明确表达观点。

例: I think negative thoughts or bad moods are not suitable to share because they can spread bad feelings, especially if shared too often.

提案: 回答中有词汇使用不当，如“play pictures”和“sky pantomime”不明确。建议使用准确的词汇描述所分享的内容。

例: Yes, recently I took some beautiful photos of the sunset and peaceful sky, and I shared them with my close friends.

提案: 回答较完整，但表达稍显重复和啰嗦。建议简化句子，避免重复表达。

例: I usually share good news first with my parents and then my best friend Mandy because they understand me well and always support me.

提案: 回答中语法错误和表达不清晰，如“dream company or university they offer”不明确。建议用更准确的词汇和句子表达。

例: I share all kinds of news with my close friends, including good news like job offers or university acceptance, as well as sad news when I lose something.

× I really like it. Harps helped me to know sharing is a good vibe and behavior.

✓ I really like it. Harps helped me to know that sharing is a good vibe and behavior.

此处缺少连接词that，导致句子结构不完整。应在know后加that引导宾语从句。

× Or choose on my toys with friends or relatives like my cousin.

✓ Or choose my toys to share with friends or relatives like my cousin.

choose后不应加介词on，且句子结构不完整，应改为choose my toys to share，表达更清晰。

× In my opinion, I think that those negative thoughts or moods share with others can uh, it can burns lots of bad emotions, especially when you shared rapidly or frequently.

✓ In my opinion, I think that sharing those negative thoughts or moods with others can, uh, burn lots of bad emotions, especially when you share rapidly or frequently.

share应改为动名词sharing作主语；burn动词应为原形；shared应改为现在时share，保持时态一致。

× A few days ago I took some beautiful play pictures about the wonderful mood light and sky pantomime.

✓ A few days ago I took some beautiful pictures of the wonderful mood lighting and sky pantomime.

play pictures表达不准确，应为pictures；mood light应为mood lighting，更符合表达习惯。

× When I share something with them, they can know the whole process and encourage me or support me almost every time.

✓ When I share something with them, they can understand the whole process and encourage or support me almost every time.

know the whole process表达不自然，应改为understand；encourage me or support me中or可省略，且表达更流畅。

× Actually, I almost shared all the kinds of news with my intimate friend such as good news from umm dream company or university they offer or the sad news or bad news when I lose something.

✓ Actually, I have shared almost all kinds of news with my intimate friend, such as good news from, um, dream company or university they offer, or sad news or bad news when I lose something.

almost shared应改为现在完成时have shared，表示过去到现在的经历；all the kinds of news应为all kinds of news，更地道。