Sharing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer has some unclear and incorrect phrases that affect clarity, such as 'I died' and '6th genius'. Try to use clear and correct expressions, and keep your answer concise and relevant. Also, avoid redundancy and focus on directly answering the question with supporting details.

例: Yes, my parents always taught me to share when I was a child. For example, my mother encouraged me to share my toys and books with friends because it helps build good relationships. I remember lending my favorite book to a friend in sixth grade, which made me feel happy and helpful.

提案: Your answer is generally relevant but contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Try to use simpler, clearer sentences and correct verb tenses. Also, use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.

例: I usually like to share things that are not very important to me, such as my books or laptop, especially if they help others complete their tasks. I also share cooking ingredients with friends when they need them.

提案: Your answer addresses the question but has unclear and incomplete sentences. Focus on clear, complete sentences and avoid vague phrases. Use linking words to organize your ideas logically.

例: Some things are not suitable for sharing, such as legal documents, identity cards, or passports, because they contain private information. Also, personal thoughts or feelings are usually kept private to protect one's privacy.

提案: Your answer is somewhat repetitive and incomplete. Try to give a clear, concise response with complete sentences and avoid unnecessary hesitation. Provide specific recent examples to support your answer.

例: Recently, I shared my laptop and some books with my friends. For instance, when a friend needed a laptop for two months to complete a project, I lent mine to her.

提案: Your answer shows good content but has grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Use simpler sentence structures and correct verb tenses. Also, avoid filler words and incomplete sentences.

例: The first person I would like to share good news with is my older sister. She always gives me valuable advice and encourages me when I face difficulties, so sharing good news with her feels natural.

提案: Your answer is relevant but contains many hesitations and incomplete sentences. Try to speak more fluently and complete your thoughts. Use linking words to connect ideas and be specific about the types of news you share.

例: I usually share different kinds of news with my friends. For example, I tell them about important events happening in the world so they can be prepared. I also share good news, like when I get good grades, to celebrate together.

× Definitely when I was a child, I died.

✓ Definitely when I was a child, I did.

The original sentence incorrectly uses 'died' which means to stop living. The intended meaning is likely 'did' as an auxiliary verb to affirm the statement. Use 'did' to confirm past actions.

× I my mother always taught and asked me to share my things with others.

✓ My mother always taught and asked me to share my things with others.

The sentence has an extra pronoun 'I' which disrupts sentence structure. Removing 'I' corrects the sentence to proper subject-verb-object order.

× Because in this way I got a opportunity to help two others in case of emergency intern.

✓ Because in this way I got an opportunity to help others in case of an emergency.

The article 'a' should be 'an' before a vowel sound. 'Two others' is incorrect here; 'others' without a number is appropriate. 'Intern' is likely a misused word and should be removed or replaced with 'emergency'.

× I got a blessing, which was really, uh, secure my future.

✓ I got a blessing, which really secured my future.

The phrase 'which was really, uh, secure my future' is ungrammatical. The verb should be in past tense 'secured' to agree with 'got a blessing'.

× I vividly remember that when I was studying 6th genius at that time one of my friend really need my book, so I lent to her.

✓ I vividly remember that when I was studying in 6th grade, one of my friends really needed my book, so I lent it to her.

'6th genius' is incorrect; it should be '6th grade'. 'Friend' should be plural 'friends' to agree with 'one of my'. 'Need' should be past tense 'needed'. 'Lent to her' requires the object 'it'.

× Well, most of the time I prefer to lend such things which was not which is not important for me.

✓ Well, most of the time I prefer to lend things which are not important to me.

The sentence has redundant phrases and incorrect verb agreement. 'Was not which is not' is confusing; use 'are not' to agree with plural 'things'. 'Important for me' should be 'important to me'.

× For example, my laptop, my books that it was useful for others to complete it their task.

✓ For example, my laptop and my books that are useful for others to complete their tasks.

The verb 'was' should be present tense 'are' to match the general statement. 'It' before 'their task' is unnecessary and 'task' should be plural 'tasks'.

× Apart from it, in case if they any type of ingredients which I usually use in my cooking, I also prefer to share with them.

✓ Apart from that, if they have any type of ingredients which I usually use in my cooking, I also prefer to share them with them.

The sentence is missing the verb 'have' after 'they'. 'Apart from it' should be 'Apart from that'. 'Share with them' needs the object 'them' to clarify what is shared.

× Fine, well, there are plenty of things that are not available for sharings like my legal documents, my identity, passport, because it is necessary to be stay confidentially in order to protect my privacy.

✓ Fine, well, there are plenty of things that are not suitable for sharing like my legal documents, my identity card, and passport because it is necessary to stay confidential in order to protect my privacy.

'Sharings' is incorrect; use 'sharing'. 'My identity' should be 'my identity card'. 'Be stay confidentially' is incorrect; use 'stay confidential'.

× Apart from it, in case if any person have any type of personality where they, uh, express their personal thoughts.

✓ Apart from that, if any person has a personality where they express their personal thoughts,

'Have' should be 'has' to agree with singular 'any person'. 'Apart from it' should be 'Apart from that'.

× So this is not also not suitable to share with others because sometime develop some.

✓ So this is also not suitable to share with others because sometimes it can cause problems.

The original sentence is incomplete and ungrammatical. Adding 'sometimes it can cause problems' completes the thought and corrects the sentence.

× Yes, I have done a lot of things that I can share with others till now as my laptop, uh, my books that I used to read, especially in your free time or my, uh, my toys that I have retained with me from my childhood.

✓ Yes, I have done a lot of things that I can share with others till now, such as my laptop, my books that I used to read, especially in my free time, and my toys that I have kept with me from my childhood.

'Your free time' should be 'my free time' to match speaker's perspective. 'Retained with me' is awkward; 'kept with me' is better.

× I vividly remember that when I studied in college at that time, one of my friends really need a laptop.

✓ I vividly remember that when I studied in college, one of my friends really needed a laptop.

'Need' should be past tense 'needed' to agree with past time frame.

× So I lent her for two months and after completing their task, she.

✓ So I lent it to her for two months, and after completing her task, she returned it.

The sentence is incomplete and missing object pronouns. 'Lent her' should be 'lent it to her'. 'Their task' should be 'her task'. The sentence needs completion.

× Well, in my life, I have met with various person, but if I talk about such a person to whom I want to share my goodness, none other than it is one of my, uh, older sister.

✓ Well, in my life, I have met various people, but if I talk about the person to whom I want to share my good news, it is none other than my older sister.

'Various person' should be 'various people'. 'My goodness' is incorrect; 'my good news' is appropriate.

× Uh, if whenever I face any type of difficulty, she always given me some more valuable suggestion and also enhance my enthusiasms which make uh, which make me feel relaxed and due to which I can accomplish my objective without face any type of difficulty.

✓ Whenever I face any type of difficulty, she always gives me valuable suggestions and also enhances my enthusiasm, which makes me feel relaxed and allows me to accomplish my objectives without facing any difficulty.

'Given' should be 'gives' to agree with present tense 'whenever I face'. 'Suggestion' should be plural 'suggestions'. 'Enhance' should be 'enhances'. 'Make' should be 'makes'. 'Face' should be 'facing'.

× So it immediately.

✓ So it immediately helps me.

The sentence is incomplete and needs a verb to complete the thought.

× Well, there are various kinds of news that I always prefer to share with my friends, like in case if anything's happened, uh, in the, uh, world, I also prefer to share with others so that they can adopt A precaution on times, uh, apart from it, like good news, in case I, I have, uh, achieve a good marks at that time, I also prefer to share such a news with them so that they can be.

✓ Well, there are various kinds of news that I always prefer to share with my friends. For example, if anything happens in the world, I share it so that they can take precautions on time. Apart from that, if I achieve good marks, I also prefer to share such news with them so that they can be happy.

The original sentence is run-on and ungrammatical. 'Adopt a precaution on times' should be 'take precautions on time'. 'Achieve a good marks' should be 'achieve good marks'. 'Such a news' should be 'such news'. The sentence needs to be split and completed.