Sharing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one specific example of how your parents taught you to share. Use correct collocation (e.g. 'focused on this trait') and avoid repeating words.

例: Yes. My mother taught me to share from an early age because she believed it would build compassion and empathy. For example, she encouraged me to split my snacks with classmates every day, which helped me make friends and understand others' needs.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence and avoid hesitations and incorrect words (e.g. 'toes' is likely a mistake). Be specific about categories and give a brief reason or example. Limit to 2–3 short sentences.

例: I usually share food and useful items like stationery or chargers. For instance, if a coworker forgets their lunch I often offer mine because I believe small acts of kindness strengthen relationships.

提案: State your main point clearly and give a concise reason. Use correct grammar (e.g. 'for hygiene reasons' or 'for hygienic reasons') and avoid filler words. Provide one brief example to support your view.

例: Personal items like cosmetics and underwear should not be shared for hygiene reasons. For example, sharing makeup can spread infections, so I prefer to keep those items private.

提案: Organize your answer: state the situation, what you did, and the result. Avoid repetition and correct tense and grammar (e.g. 'a colleague forgot to bring her lunch'). Keep it to two sentences.

例: Yes. Recently a colleague forgot her lunch at work, so I shared mine with her, and that simple gesture helped us bond and improved our working relationship.

提案: Answer directly with a clear topic sentence and give a brief reason. Remove hesitations and improve grammar (e.g. 'she really looks forward to my successes'). You can add one short example of a kind of news you’d share.

例: My mother. She always supports me and looks forward to my successes, so I would tell her first if I got a promotion or passed an important exam.

提案: Start with a clear statement about the types of news you share and explain briefly why. Avoid contradictory phrasing (e.g. 'Despite I am more introvert' then 'I really enjoy'); instead link ideas logically. Use one concrete example of news you share.

例: I usually share personal achievements and exciting updates with close friends because they celebrate with me. For example, I tell them when I finish a big project or travel to a new country.

× Yes. When I was a child, my mother believed sharing this with others would foster a sense of compassion, sympathy and empathy in me. So she really she really focused on this character characteristic for me.

✓ Yes. When I was a child, my mother believed that sharing with others would foster compassion, sympathy, and empathy in me, so she really focused on developing that trait in me.

Repetition 'she really she really' is a redundancy and 'character characteristic' is incorrect word choice. Use 'that sharing' for clarity and 'developing that trait' as a natural collocation. Also add 'that' to introduce the noun clause. Ensure commas separate items in a list. Grammar problem type ID:13

× Umm, I like to share my food or my toes, uh, umm, or anything, uh, items that someone doesn't have, I would share it freely with others.

✓ Umm, I like to share my food or other things; if someone doesn't have an item, I would share it freely with them.

'My toes' is likely a mistake; pronoun 'it' should match plural/singular and 'someone' requires 'them' for neutrality. Use 'other things' instead of 'my toes' and change 'it' to 'them' or restructure the sentence. This fixes pronoun reference and clarity. Grammar problem type ID:12

× I'm not comfortable with sharing my personal items such as cosmetics or my clothes for hygienic and concerns.

✓ I'm not comfortable sharing my personal items, such as cosmetics or clothes, for hygiene and health reasons.

'Comfortable with sharing' is acceptable but more natural is 'comfortable sharing'. 'For hygienic and concerns' is incorrect; use 'for hygiene and health reasons'. Also remove redundant 'my' before 'clothes'. Grammar problem type ID:11

× I think umm, there are really personally and uh, you umm, you shouldn't uh, share them with others.

✓ I think these items are personal, and you shouldn't share them with others.

Original has fragmented structure and redundant fillers. Clarify by stating 'these items are personal' and connect with 'and'. Remove extra 'you'. Grammar problem type ID:26

× Yes, when I was there when I was at work, my colleagues just forgot bring some is nice for herself and I just try to share my foods with her and it would build a good relationship.

✓ Yes, when I was at work, a colleague forgot to bring something she needed, so I shared my food with her, and it helped build a good relationship.

Multiple tense and structure errors: remove duplicate 'when I was there when I was at work', use 'forgot to bring' (infinitive), change 'some is nice for herself' to 'something she needed', use past tense 'shared' to match 'forgot', and 'foods' -> 'food'. Use 'helped' to express past result. Grammar problem type ID:6

× My mother because uh, she really looking forward umm, to my successful moments and achievements, uh, and umm, I think uh, she is the first one. I would like to share my achievements with her.

✓ My mother, because she really looks forward to my successful moments and achievements, and I think she is the first person I would like to share my achievements with.

Missing third-person singular 's' in 'looks'. Reorder sentence for fluency: combine clauses and finish with complete idea. Replace 'the first one' with 'the first person' for clarity. Grammar problem type ID:2

× Despite I am more an introvert kind of person and I really enjoy sharing my achievements and news with my friends and they really very happy about it.

✓ Although I am more of an introvert, I enjoy sharing my achievements and news with my friends, and they are always very happy for me.

'Despite I am' is incorrect; use 'Although I am' or 'Despite being'. 'More an introvert kind of person' should be 'more of an introvert'. 'They really very happy about it' lacks verb 'are' and 'happy about it' is less natural than 'happy for me'. Fix conjunction and verb. Grammar problem type ID:16