Sharing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Сделайте ответ более естественным и структурированным: начните с чётного утверждения, затем добавьте одно-два уточняющих предложения с конкретным примером. Избегайте повторов и незаконченных фраз.

例: Yes. My parents always taught me to share when I was a child. For example, they encouraged me to give my snacks to classmates and to take turns with toys, because they wanted me to be kind and considerate.

提案: Сократите и упорядочьте ответ: назовите основные категории предметов, затем объясните причину коротко и приведите один конкретный пример. Избегайте лишних повторений и грамматических ошибок.

例: I usually share food and clothes with close friends because I trust them. For instance, I often lend a jacket to my best friend when she forgets hers.

提案: Сформулируйте чёткое основное предложение и приведите конкретные причины. Избегайте колебаний и слов-паразитов; используйте связки для логики (because, since, for example).

例: I wouldn't share sentimental items or jewelry. For example, I wouldn't lend a necklace that was given to me by a relative because it has personal value and memories attached to it.

提案: Ответ уже хорошо структурирован; можно сделать его более сжатым и естественным, убрав паузы и повторение причин, а также добавив одно связное заключение о ощущениях.

例: Yes, I lent a book to a friend last week because she needed it for an exam. She was very grateful, and it felt good to help her; she has already returned the book.

提案: Упростите и избегайте повтора фраз; начните с ясного утверждения, затем добавьте причину и пример. Сведите предложение к 2–3 предложениями максимум.

例: I would share good news with my closest friend because I trust her and she keeps things private. For example, I always tell her first when I get a good exam result.

提案: Структурируйте ответ: перечислите типы новостей чётко и приведите один пример. Избегайте неопределённых выражений и пауз; используйте связки (for example, such as).

例: I usually share personal achievements or exciting purchases with my friends, such as passing an exam or buying a new phone. For example, I told my friends when I passed my driving test last month.

× Yes, my parents when I was a child, my parents always taught me to share things with others because they told me to be kind to others and.

✓ Yes, when I was a child my parents always taught me to share things with others because they told me to be kind to people.

The original sentence repeats the subject and has an incomplete ending. This is a sentence structure error: remove redundant phrase 'my parents' and finish the clause cleanly. Use 'when I was a child' at the start for correct time placement and replace the second 'others' with 'people' to avoid repetition. Suggestion: Keep subject once, place the time phrase at the beginning or after the subject, and finish the sentence with a complete idea.

× I don't mind what to share if it's a food, if it's a my just private thing, something like clothes, I will definitely share it with my close friends because I trust them and I feel really comfortable with them so I will definitely share with them.

✓ I don't mind what to share. If it's food or a private item, like clothes, I will definitely share it with my close friends because I trust them and feel comfortable with them.

The sentence contains incorrect articles and awkward phrasing. 'a food' is incorrect; use 'food' without an article. 'a my just private thing' is ungrammatical; use 'a private item' or 'my private things'. Also the original is a run-on; split into two sentences and remove repeated phrases. Suggestion: Use 'food' without 'a', say 'a private item' or 'my private things', and avoid repeating ideas.

× Uh, I don't it's not suitable to share, uh, with jewelry. I think if it's a present from someone, if it's uh, uh, like if it's like a memory from someone, I'll, I wouldn't like to share it with anyone because it's some.

✓ I don't think it's suitable to share jewelry. If it's a present or a keepsake from someone, I wouldn't want to share it with anyone because it's personal.

The original misuses pronouns and has sentence fragments. 'I don't it's not suitable' is incorrect; use 'I don't think it's suitable'. 'It's some' is incomplete. Replace with 'it's personal' or 'it has sentimental value.' Suggestion: Use 'I don't think' to introduce an opinion, and finish thoughts with clear adjectives like 'personal' or 'sentimental'.

× Yes, I shared a book with a friend last week because she had an exam, umm she needed it for her exam and she was really grateful. It felt good to help and now she has already returned it.

✓ Yes, I shared a book with a friend last week because she had an exam and needed it; she was really grateful. It felt good to help, and now she has already returned it.

Main verbs are mostly correct but punctuation and redundancy cause clarity issues. Combine clauses properly. 'She had an exam, she needed it' should be joined with 'and' or a semicolon; ensure tense consistency (past simple and present perfect 'has returned' is acceptable if returned recently). Suggestion: Use conjunctions to join related past events and keep tense consistent; punctuation helps readability.

× Definitely my close friend. I would like to share anything with her with her because I trust her and I know that she won't tell anyone and I would like to share with her. If it's good news or bad news I would definitely share it with her.

✓ Definitely my close friend. I would like to share anything with her because I trust her and I know she won't tell anyone. Whether it's good news or bad news, I would definitely share it with her.

The original repeats 'with her' and is redundant. This is an incorrect use of pronouns and repetition. Remove duplicate phrases and use a concise structure. Add 'Whether' to introduce the conditional clause. Suggestion: Avoid repeating the same pronoun phrase; combine sentences for fluency.

× Umm, I usually share, uh, news like, uh, if I'm interested, if I'm just pass the exam, if I'm bought something new, if I'm done something good. So I will definitely share it with my friends because I know they will.

✓ I usually share news such as when I pass an exam, buy something new, or achieve something good. I will definitely share it with my friends because I know they will care.

The original contains incorrect verb forms and awkward structure. Use correct verb forms: 'pass an exam' (past: 'pass' or 'passed'), 'buy something new' (past: 'bought'), 'do something good' is vague—use 'achieve something' or 'accomplish something'. Also 'if I'm interested' is unclear; replace with concrete examples. The final clause 'I know they will' is vague; add 'care' or 'be happy for me.' Suggestion: Use base or past verb forms appropriately for examples (e.g., 'pass', 'buy', 'achieve'), and state the intended meaning clearly.