Sharing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more grammatically accurate and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct past tense usage, avoid repetition ("depends" used twice) and filler words (umm). Add one specific example and a linking word to clarify conditions.

例: Yes, my parents taught me to share when I was a child. For example, they encouraged me to give toys and sweets to classmates, especially when someone was upset, so I learned to be generous but also to consider who would appreciate the items.

提案: Be slightly more organized and avoid repetition. Use a clear topic sentence and connect ideas with a linking phrase (for example/also). Provide a brief reason why you share these items.

例: I like to share snacks and treats, especially candies and other sweets, because food brings people together. I also share music, such as favorite songs, since it’s an easy way to introduce friends to artists I love.

提案: Answer more directly and avoid filler words. Use one clear topic sentence and a linked brief reason. Correct wording: "private diaries" and avoid repeating the same phrase.

例: Personal items such as private diaries are not suitable for sharing because they contain intimate thoughts and embarrassing details that I prefer to keep to myself.

提案: Give a direct yes/no and then add a specific recent example with concise reasoning. Remove uncertain language like "probably" and extra words.

例: Yes. Recently I shared songs by Akina from 1980s J‑pop with a friend because I thought she would enjoy the nostalgic melodies and lyrics.

提案: Be grammatically correct and concise. Use a clear topic sentence, avoid hesitation and pronoun errors ("him" not "them"), and give a short reason why you choose that person.

例: I would tell my boyfriend first because he’s the person I trust most and I always share important news and thoughts with him.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and organize types of news into categories with linking words. Avoid vague phrases and repetition; be specific about examples.

例: I share news that interests me, such as historical stories, international events, and updates about musicians I like. I also tell friends about countries I want to visit and travel tips I've found.

× Yeah, they definitely did taught me how to share when I was a child.

✓ Yeah, they definitely taught me how to share when I was a child.

Using 'did taught' is incorrect because 'did' is the auxiliary for past simple and should be followed by the base form 'teach'. Use either 'did teach' or the simple past 'taught'. Here 'they definitely taught' is natural and concise.

× But depends on something that I can share with umm, maybe some food or maybe candies, something like that.

✓ But it depends on what I can share, maybe food or candies.

The sentence lacks a subject and has awkward phrasing. Added subject 'it' with 'depends on what I can share' and removed filler for clarity and grammatical structure.

× And depends on also depends on the people that I want to share with.

✓ It also depends on the people I want to share with.

Missing subject and repeated 'depends on'. Use 'It also depends on' and drop the unnecessary 'that'. The relative clause 'the people I want to share with' is clearer.

× Maybe some of for some of my friends in daily life.

✓ Maybe some of my friends in everyday life.

The phrase 'some of for some of' is redundant and ungrammatical. Use 'some of my friends' and 'everyday life' is a natural expression.

× Well, I prefer to share extra snacks or food with others, especially candies and all kinds of sweets or and even some some of my favorite songs.

✓ Well, I prefer sharing extra snacks or food with others, especially candies and other sweets, and even some of my favorite songs.

After 'prefer' when contrasting general preference, the gerund 'sharing' is more natural. Removed repeated words and corrected conjunctions for fluency.

× Well, I guess umm might be some of my privacies like my Diaries, my private Diaries because it might be so embarrassing to share with them, especially I don't want them to see some negative stuff from this book.

✓ Well, I guess my privacy, like my private diary, might be something I don't want to share because it would be embarrassing and I don't want others to see negative things in it.

'Privacies' is incorrect; 'privacy' is uncountable and 'diaries' should be singular here as an example 'my diary'. Pronoun references 'them' and 'this book' were unclear, so replaced with 'others' and 'it' for consistency and grammaticality.

× Well, probably. I might probably share some of my favorite songs and some of my singers like the Japanese singer Akina, because she sings really nice Japanese pop songs from the 80s.

✓ Well, probably. I might share some of my favorite songs and singers, like the Japanese singer Akina, because she sings great Japanese pop songs from the 80s.

'Might probably' is redundant; choose one modal. 'Some of my singers' is awkward—use 'some of my favorite singers'. 'Really nice' changed to 'great' for naturalness.

× Well, it might be my boyfriend because he's the maybe the only person that I, uh, always tell them all of stuff that I wanna tell or that I think.

✓ Well, it might be my boyfriend because he is maybe the only person I always tell everything I want to tell or think.

Pronoun 'them' is incorrect for singular 'person'; use 'he' or restructure. Remove fillers and use 'everything' instead of 'all of stuff' for natural English.

× And depends on the types of the news, like some news that I'm interested in, maybe about histories about the news from different countries, or the news from some of my favorite songs and countries that I wanna travel to.

✓ It depends on the type of news, like news I'm interested in — maybe historical news, news from different countries, or news about some of my favorite songs and countries I want to travel to.

Changed 'depends on the types of the news' to 'depends on the type of news'. 'Histories' is incorrect for 'historical news'. Removed extra 'the' and smoothed word order for clarity.