Sharing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make your answer more concise and natural by using a clear topic sentence, one supporting detail, and a brief example. Avoid redundancy and slightly informal phrasing. Use linking words like 'but' and 'so' to show contrast and result.

例: Yes. My parents encouraged sharing while I was growing up with an older sister, and at first I resisted, but I soon realised its benefits. For example, when I started sharing my toys and snacks, my sister also began sharing hers, so we had a better relationship.

提案: Good direct answer and clear reason. To improve, add a brief specific example and a linking phrase to make it more vivid and natural, and keep it within 1–3 sentences.

例: I like to share food because it brings people together. For instance, I often bring homemade cookies to work, which sparks conversations and makes colleagues smile.

提案: Strong content and clear caution. Improve coherence by starting with a clear topic sentence naming unsuitable things, then give one specific reason and example. Use concise language and a linking word like 'for example' only once.

例: Personal and sensitive stories are not suitable for sharing with everyone. For example, I wouldn't discuss family conflicts or financial problems with colleagues because we are not close enough and it could cause awkwardness.

提案: Clarify what you shared and correct awkward phrasing. Start with a clear topic sentence, give a short description of the item, and explain why it works as a conversation starter. Avoid vague terms like 'minutes' and check nouns (e.g., 'piece' or 'song').

例: Yes. After lunch I shared a short comedy podcast episode called 'The Fisherman Friend' with some friends because its funny stories are ideal for breaking the ice. It led to a lively discussion and made everyone more comfortable.

提案: Very natural and personal response. To improve, make the answer slightly more concise and replace filler words like 'like' with smoother linking phrases. Add one specific reason to support your choice.

例: I'd share good news with my dad because he has worked hard and sacrificed a lot for me, so I'd want him to be the first to know and celebrate with me.

提案: The answer is vague and contains irrelevant detail about BBC subscriptions. Begin with a clear topic sentence stating the typical types of news you share, then give one or two specific examples and explain briefly how you decide what to share. Avoid irrelevant mentions.

例: I share different types of news depending on the friend—for example, I tell close friends about personal achievements, while with casual friends I share interesting articles or news stories. For instance, I recently sent a friend an uplifting local news story because I knew they'd appreciate it.

× Once you share your belongings, then they're willing to share theirs back.

✓ Once you share your belongings, they're willing to share theirs back.

The original sentence had an unnecessary 'then' which is not ungrammatical but redundant; main issue relates to pronoun consistency rather than third person singular. However to follow the requested types, removing 'then' makes the sentence more natural and concise. Suggestion: avoid redundant adverbs like 'then' after 'once'.

× Yes they did. I grew up with an older sister, although at first I was not that willing to share but then I've learned the importance and the benefits of sharing things with others.

✓ Yes, they did. I grew up with an older sister; although at first I was not that willing to share, I later learned the importance and benefits of sharing things with others.

Mixed past and present perfect ('I've learned') with past narrative ('I grew up'). Use past simple 'I later learned' to keep past-tense narrative consistent. Also punctuation improved for clarity. Suggestion: maintain consistent tense when recounting past events and use commas/semicolons to separate clauses.

× I love to share food with others because I believe it's the universal thing that brings smiles to everyone's face.

✓ I love to share food with others because I believe it's a universal thing that brings smiles to everyone's face.

Using the definite article 'the universal thing' is too specific; 'a universal thing' is correct when making a general statement. Suggestion: use 'a' when referring to one of many possible universal things.

× I believe sharing your stories with others is one of many good ways to get closer to people, but sometimes those stories are too sensitive or too controversial to reveal to some group of people that you are not particularly close with, for example, your colleagues.

✓ I believe sharing your stories with others is one of many good ways to get closer to people, but sometimes those stories are too sensitive or too controversial to reveal to groups of people you are not particularly close to, for example, your colleagues.

The phrase 'reveal to some group of people that you are not particularly close with' is wordy and uses the preposition 'with' awkwardly at the end. Use 'groups of people you are not particularly close to' for natural preposition placement and plural 'groups' fits generalization. Suggestion: place prepositions before pronouns ('close to') and prefer concise phrasing.

× Yes, I recently shared my favorite minutes, The Fisherman Friend with my friends after lunch.

✓ Yes, I recently shared my favorite video, The Fisherman Friend, with my friends after lunch.

The word 'minutes' is incorrect here—likely meant 'video' or 'short film'. Also titles should be offset by commas. 'The Fisherman Friend' probably needs article capitalization but that is a title. Suggestion: use the correct noun for media (video/film) and punctuate the title with commas.

× It's a really good conversation starter, especially when you're still a bit awkward with someone.

✓ It's a really good conversation starter, especially when you're still a bit awkward with someone.

Sentence is grammatically correct; kept for completeness. Suggestion: none needed.

× Like I know how hard he has been working and sacrificing himself for me and now that I have some good news, I want him to be the person to hear it.

✓ I know how hard he has worked and sacrificed for me, and now that I have some good news, I want him to be the first person to hear it.

Use of present perfect continuous 'has been working' is acceptable but 'has worked and sacrificed' is more natural here. 'Sacrificing himself' is wordy; 'sacrificed for me' is clearer. Also 'the person to hear it' -> 'the first person to hear it' clarifies sequence. Suggestion: prefer concise perfect forms and add 'first' when indicating who you tell initially.

× I share all kinds of news with my friend because I'm following the BBC channel buff on YouTube and on Spotify, but it mainly depends on what kind of friends I'm with at that moment.

✓ I share all kinds of news with my friends because I'm following the BBC channel buff on YouTube and on Spotify, but it mainly depends on which friends I'm with at the moment.

Inconsistent singular/plural: 'my friend' vs 'friends'. Change to 'my friends' to match context. Also use 'which friends' rather than 'what kind of friends' for clarity and 'at that moment' -> 'at the moment'. Suggestion: keep number agreement consistent and prefer 'which' when selecting among a set.