Breakfast— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce filler words (umm), correct grammar (e.g. "bread can help you gain glucose" → "bread helps raise blood sugar") and make answer more concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail using a linking word. Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: I usually have a slice of bread, a boiled egg, some fried vegetables and a cup of coffee. Because bread contains carbohydrates, it helps raise my blood sugar quickly so I have energy for the morning.

提案: Avoid repetition and filler words, and use smoother linking language. Start with a direct opinion, then explain briefly with a clear reason and a linking word like "because" or "therefore."

例: Yes, I think breakfast is important because it is the first meal after about eight hours of sleep, so it replenishes energy and helps me concentrate at work.

提案: Finish your thought and avoid repeating fillers. Give a clear contrast with a linking word like "whereas" or "but," and provide a specific reason (e.g. "it’s healthier" or "saves time"). Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes. When I was a child I usually bought breakfast at school because it was convenient, whereas now I prepare my breakfast the night before because it saves time in the morning and is healthier.

提案: Be more concise and eliminate hesitations. Give a clear main idea, then provide one specific potential change with a brief reason using a linking word like "however" or "but."

例: Not really, because I am satisfied with my healthy breakfast choices. However, I would consider drinking less coffee to reduce my caffeine intake and improve my sleep.

× I usually have a slice of bread and umm, a boiled egg and some fried vegetables and a cup of coffee.

✓ I usually have a slice of bread, a boiled egg, some fried vegetables, and a cup of coffee.

List punctuation and parallel noun phrases: use commas to separate items in a list and keep nouns parallel. No change to plurality is needed but punctuation improves clarity.

× So I love bread so badly because umm, that can bread can help you to umm, gain your glucose.

✓ I love bread because it can help you gain glucose.

Pronoun 'that' incorrectly used and repetition 'can bread can' is ungrammatical. Replace 'that' with 'it' (referring to bread). Also remove 'to' before 'gain' because 'help someone do something' uses base verb. 'So badly' is colloquial and unnatural here; omit or replace.

× Totally, because the breakfast is the very first, umm, very first things you have in the morning.

✓ Totally, because breakfast is the very first thing you have in the morning.

Do not use the definite article 'the' with uncountable or general meals like 'breakfast' in this context. Use singular 'thing' not plural 'things' for 'very first' (singular).

× So after you sleep for umm like 8 hours, you have to gain some energy so you eat breakfast.

✓ So after you sleep for about eight hours, you need to get some energy, so you eat breakfast.

'Have to gain' is awkward; 'need to get' is more natural. Use 'about' instead of 'like' in formal speech. Use 'eight' spelled out in writing. Maintain simple present for habitual actions.

× Yes, umm, when I was a child I usually umm bought breakfast at the school because it's more convenient, but as an adult, umm, I mean now I usually umm cooked my breakfast umm the day before I eat it because it's more.

✓ When I was a child, I usually bought breakfast at school because it was more convenient, but now as an adult I usually cook my breakfast the day before I eat it because it's more convenient.

Tense consistency: past habits use past tense ('bought', 'was'). For current habits use present simple ('cook', 'eat'). 'At the school' should be 'at school' in general. Complete the comparison by adding 'convenient' at the end.

× Not really because I think I have a really healthy morning routine, I mean the stuff I eat for breakfast.

✓ Not really, because I think I have a really healthy morning routine, I mean the things I eat for breakfast.

Use 'things' instead of colloquial 'stuff' for clearer speech. Add a comma for natural pause. 'Stuff' is informal and vague.

× So I would say I don't want to change anything. But umm, if, if there is something have to change, I think it's to umm, drink less coffee.

✓ So I would say I don't want to change anything. But if something has to change, I think it should be drinking less coffee.

Sentence structure: 'if there is something have to change' is ungrammatical. Use 'if something has to change' or 'if there is something that has to change.' To express the recommended change use a gerund phrase 'drinking less coffee' or 'to drink less coffee' with 'should' depending on style.