Birthday— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer lacks clarity and contains grammatical errors. Try to form complete sentences and clearly express your ideas. Use linking words to connect your ideas and avoid redundancy. For example, start with a clear topic sentence and then add supporting details.

例: On my birthday, I usually buy a present for myself and enjoy eating delicious food with my family and friends.

提案: Your answer has some good points but contains grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing. Use past tense correctly and avoid vague phrases like 'and so on'. Also, use linking words to make your answer coherent.

例: When I was young, I often ate delicious food with my family on my birthday. In addition, my mother used to give me many presents, such as toys and games.

提案: Your answer is unclear and contains many errors. Try to express your opinion clearly with a topic sentence and support it with reasons. Avoid unnecessary words and focus on coherence.

例: Yes, I think it is important to celebrate my birthday because it is a happy occasion to spend time with loved ones and reflect on the past year.

提案: Your answer is confusing and lacks clear structure. Provide a clear topic sentence and explain your reasons with linking words. Avoid fragmented sentences and be specific.

例: In China, I think the most important birthday to celebrate is that of our fathers because Chinese culture values respect for elders and family traditions.

× I usually. Buy present for me and it's something their shaft food with my family and with my friends.

✓ I usually buy presents for myself and share food with my family and friends.

The original sentence has sentence fragments and unclear phrases. 'I usually.' is incomplete. 'Buy present for me' should be 'buy presents for myself' to use the correct reflexive pronoun. 'it's something their shaft food' is unclear and likely a mishearing; it is corrected to 'share food'. The sentence is restructured for clarity and grammatical correctness.

× Oh, when I was a young man, I often eating something delicious food with my family.

✓ Oh, when I was a young man, I often ate delicious food with my family.

The verb 'eating' is incorrectly used after 'often'. The correct form is the simple past tense 'ate' because the action happened in the past. Also, 'something delicious food' is incorrect; 'delicious food' suffices.

× In addition, my mother's send me many present such as toys and games and so on.

✓ In addition, my mother sent me many presents such as toys and games.

'Mother's send' is incorrect; it should be 'mother sent' to match past tense context. 'Present' should be plural 'presents' when referring to multiple items. 'And so on' is unnecessary and can be omitted for clarity.

× Yes I do. I think so too obih cause. Two celebrate. My birthday is very happynest things so. We should celebrate. Oh.

✓ Yes, I do. I think celebrating my birthday is a very happy thing, so we should celebrate it.

The original sentences are fragmented and contain unclear words ('obih cause', 'Two celebrate', 'happynest things'). The correction combines ideas into coherent sentences, uses correct vocabulary, and proper sentence structure.

× Oh, I think most important is celebrated in China is our fathers. Birthday because. China is very traditional, so for this, first, this is very important.

✓ Oh, I think the most important birthday to celebrate in China is our fathers'. China is very traditional, so this is very important.

The original sentence is fragmented and awkwardly structured. 'Most important is celebrated in China is our fathers. Birthday because.' is incorrect. The correction clarifies the subject and predicate, fixes possessive form 'fathers'', and improves sentence flow.