Birthday— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to use consistent verb tenses and avoid incomplete sentences. Also, use linking words to connect ideas smoothly and keep your answer within 5 sentences. For example, use 'I usually go to the gurdwara in the morning to receive blessings from God, and then in the afternoon or evening, I celebrate with my friends outside.'

例: I usually go to the gurdwara in the morning to receive blessings from God, and then in the afternoon or evening, I celebrate with my friends outside. This tradition is very important to me because it brings my family and friends together.

提案: Avoid repeating phrases like 'as I earlier mentioned' and try to use past tense consistently. Use linking words such as 'then' or 'after that' to make your answer more coherent. Also, provide more specific details to enrich your response.

例: When I was young, I first went to the Gurdwara to receive blessings from God, which was very important to me. Then, in the evening, I celebrated my birthday with my friends and family by going out for dinner or enjoying activities together.

提案: Your answer is quite short and lacks detail. Try to explain why it is important to you and use linking words to expand your answer naturally. For example, you could say why celebrating with friends and family matters to you.

例: Of course, I think it is important to celebrate my birthday because it only comes once a year. Moreover, celebrating with my friends and family helps me feel loved and appreciated.

提案: Your answer is unclear and contains grammatical errors. Try to be more specific and use correct sentence structures. Also, avoid vague statements and explain your ideas clearly with linking words.

例: In China, I believe everyone celebrates their own birthday because it is a special occasion. People usually spend time with their close family and friends to mark this precious moment.

× Firstly in the morning I went to gurdwara for taking blessings from God and in the aft evening I celebrate my birthday outside with my friends and.

✓ Firstly in the morning I went to Gurdwara to take blessings from God and in the afternoon evening I celebrated my birthday outside with my friends.

The sentence mixes past and present tense incorrectly. Since the question asks about usual activities, the present tense 'celebrate' is expected, but the student uses past tense 'went' and then present 'celebrate'. To maintain consistency and fit the context of a past event, both verbs should be in past tense. Also, 'aft evening' is unclear and should be 'afternoon' or 'evening'. 'For taking' is awkward; 'to take' is more appropriate.

× As I earlier mentioned, firstly I went to Gurdwara for a blessing from God, it is very important to me.

✓ As I mentioned earlier, firstly I went to Gurdwara for a blessing from God; it was very important to me.

The phrase 'earlier mentioned' is better as 'mentioned earlier' for natural word order. The sentence mixes past and present tense: 'went' is past, but 'it is' is present. Since the event is in the past, 'it was' is correct.

× And secondly, in the evening I celebrate my birthday with my friends and family, We go outside or take dinner.

✓ And secondly, in the evening I celebrated my birthday with my friends and family. We went outside or had dinner.

The question is about past events, so the verbs should be in past tense. 'Celebrate' and 'go' are present tense and should be 'celebrated' and 'went'. Also, 'take dinner' is incorrect; 'had dinner' is the correct expression.

× Of course, because my birthday comes after one year, so I celebrate my birthday with my friends and family.

✓ Of course, because my birthday comes once a year, so I celebrate my birthday with my friends and family.

The phrase 'comes after one year' is awkward and incorrect. The correct expression is 'comes once a year' to indicate an annual event. The rest of the sentence is correct in present tense as it describes a habitual action.

× Well, I think in China all people celebrate their birthday because all people birthday comes after a month.

✓ Well, I think in China all people celebrate their birthdays because everyone's birthday comes once a year.

'All people birthday' is incorrect; it should be 'all people's birthdays' or 'everyone's birthday'. Also, 'comes after a month' is incorrect for birthdays; birthdays occur once a year, not monthly. The sentence needs to reflect that each person has one birthday per year.

× So that is very precious moment for them. So they celebrate their birthday with their near and dear ones.

✓ So that is a very precious moment for them. They celebrate their birthdays with their near and dear ones.

The sentence is mostly correct but 'precious moment' needs an article 'a'. Also, 'their birthday' should be plural 'their birthdays' to match 'them' (plural). This ensures subject-pronoun agreement and correct article usage.