Birthday— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is generally clear and relevant, but it contains some hesitations and filler words like 'uh' and 'umm' which affect fluency. Try to avoid redundancy and organize your ideas more coherently by using linking words. Also, aim to keep your answer within 4-5 sentences for better effectiveness.

例: When I was younger, I used to have birthday parties with all my friends, which was very enjoyable. However, now that I'm 17, I prefer spending the day out with my family and close friends. Additionally, I visit the temple as part of my birthday tradition. I also receive gifts, which makes the day special.

提案: Your response is relevant but includes many hesitations and some unclear phrases like 'good evening follow'. To improve, try to speak more fluently and use clear linking words to connect ideas logically. Also, avoid repeating similar ideas and focus on specific details to enrich your answer.

例: When I was younger, I celebrated my birthday with a big party where I invited all my friends. They gave me gifts, which made me very happy. My parents also gave me presents. The celebration usually included cutting a cake followed by a dinner with everyone.

提案: Your answer shows enthusiasm but contains repetition and some unclear expressions like 'rule the world' and repeated 'or or or power'. To improve, try to express your ideas more clearly and avoid redundancy. Use linking words to structure your answer logically and keep it concise.

例: Yes, I believe celebrating birthdays is important because it marks the day we were born. It is a special occasion to enjoy and feel happy. People can spend time with loved ones and appreciate their life. Therefore, everyone should celebrate their birthday.

提案: Your answer is honest but lacks confidence and contains hesitations and repetitions. To improve, try to avoid filler words and speak more confidently. Also, provide more specific details or examples to support your opinion and use linking words to make your answer coherent.

例: Although I am not completely sure, I think in China, family members' birthdays are the most important to celebrate. This is because Chinese culture values strong family ties and traditions. Celebrating birthdays together strengthens these bonds and shows respect for elders.

× So until I was 13, I would have birthday parties where I would invite all my friends and have a good time, like spend a good evening with them.

✓ So until I was 13, I used to have birthday parties where I would invite all my friends and have a good time, like spend a good evening with them.

The phrase 'would have' is less appropriate here to describe habitual past actions. Using 'used to' is better to express repeated past events that no longer happen.

× But now since I'm 17, I usually have a day out with my friends and families and obviously I get gifts and yeah, that's it.

✓ But now since I'm 17, I usually have a day out with my friends and family and obviously I get gifts and yeah, that's it.

The word 'families' is incorrect here because it refers to multiple family units. The correct singular collective noun 'family' should be used when referring to one's own family as a group.

× You know, they would give me gifts and would just delighted me a lot.

✓ You know, they would give me gifts and would just delight me a lot.

The verb 'delighted' is in past tense but should be in base form 'delight' after 'would' which requires the base verb form.

× And obviously my parents also gave me gifts and it was a good evening follow, I mean, uh, which included, uh, cake cutting and followed by dinner.

✓ And obviously my parents also gave me gifts and it was a good evening, I mean, which included cake cutting followed by dinner.

The phrase 'good evening follow' is incorrect and disrupts sentence flow. Removing 'follow' and restructuring the sentence improves clarity and grammatical correctness.

× That's the day. I mean, that's the day when they have all the freedom to do what they want to.

✓ That's the day. I mean, that's the day when they have all the freedom to do what they want.

The phrase 'do what they want to' is incomplete; the final 'to' is unnecessary and should be omitted for correct grammar.

× So I think it would be the family's birthdays, family members.

✓ So I think it would be the birthdays of family members.

The phrase 'the family's birthdays, family members' is awkward and unclear. Rephrasing to 'the birthdays of family members' clarifies meaning and corrects pronoun and noun usage.