Birthday— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to make your answer more concise and avoid repetition. Also, correct minor errors and use linking words to improve coherence. For example, instead of repeating 'I love to spend time with my family' twice, say it once clearly and add linking words like 'then' or 'after that' to connect ideas.

例: I usually spend my birthday with my family because I cherish our time together. We often go out, cut a cake, and then enjoy a delicious dinner, which makes the day very special.

提案: Avoid repetition and improve sentence structure. Use linking words like 'then' or 'after that' to make your answer more coherent. Also, try to be more specific about your experiences to enrich your answer.

例: When I was young, I used to celebrate my birthday with my relatives. Everyone came to my house, and after we cut the cake, I received gifts from them. Then, we all enjoyed dinner together.

提案: Try to avoid redundancy by not repeating the same idea multiple times. Use linking words like 'because' or 'therefore' to explain your reasons clearly. Also, use more varied vocabulary to express your thoughts.

例: Yes, I believe celebrating my birthday is important because it is a special day to gather with family and friends. Therefore, we come together at my home to sit, eat, and enjoy each other's company.

提案: Try to avoid stating lack of knowledge and focus on answering the question directly. Use linking words to connect your ideas and be more specific if possible. Also, keep your answer concise and clear.

例: Although I don't know much about China, I think every person's birthday is important because it is a special day that people look forward to all year. Therefore, everyone should celebrate their birthday.

× I usually spend my birthday with my family as I love to spend my precious time with them and we Bo and we usually go outside and cut the cake and have a delicious dinner with my family so I love to spend the quality time with my family.

✓ I usually spend my birthday with my family because I love to spend my precious time with them. We usually go outside, cut the cake, and have a delicious dinner together. I really enjoy spending quality time with my family.

The original sentence is a run-on with repeated phrases and unclear parts like 'we Bo'. Breaking it into shorter sentences improves clarity and flow. Avoid repeating the same idea multiple times in one sentence.

× Every everyone came to my house and we cut a cake.

✓ Everyone came to my house and we cut a cake.

The phrase 'Every everyone' is incorrect; 'everyone' alone is sufficient as it is singular and refers to all people collectively.

× And after cutting the cake, we I received the gifts from them and we then ate the dinner.

✓ After cutting the cake, I received gifts from them and then we ate dinner.

The original sentence has redundant pronouns 'we I' and awkward phrasing. Simplifying and correcting pronoun use improves clarity.

× Yes, definitely it is very much important for me to celebrate my birthday as it is a precious day for everyone.

✓ Yes, definitely it is very important for me to celebrate my birthday as it is a precious day for everyone.

The phrase 'very much important' is incorrect; 'very important' is the correct form to intensify the adjective 'important'.

× So according to me, it is important for me to celebrate my birthday as everyone come to my home and we sit together and we eat together.

✓ So according to me, it is important for me to celebrate my birthday as everyone comes to my home and we sit together and eat together.

The verb 'come' should be 'comes' to agree with the singular subject 'everyone' (subject-verb agreement).

× Well, talking about China, I don't have much knowledge about China but according to me everyone's birthday is important as it is a one day which everyone waits for a long time and for one year they usually wait and I think it is important for everyone to celebrate their birthday.

✓ Well, talking about China, I don't have much knowledge about China but according to me everyone's birthday is important as it is one day which everyone waits for a long time, usually for one year, and I think it is important for everyone to celebrate their birthday.

The phrase 'a one day' is incorrect; 'one day' without 'a' is correct. Also, the sentence is long and can be improved by adding commas for clarity.