Birthday— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to avoid filler words like 'uh' and make your sentences more concise and natural. Also, use linking words to connect ideas smoothly and add more specific details to enrich your answer.

例: Usually, I celebrate my birthday with my family by eating cake and chicken together. It's a simple celebration, but it creates lasting memories.

提案: Make your answer more direct and structured by starting with a clear topic sentence. Use linking words to connect ideas and provide specific details to make your answer more vivid.

例: When I was young, I celebrated my birthday with a cake, singing, and dancing. I usually invited my friends, cousins, and family, which made the day very memorable.

提案: Avoid awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, use linking words, and explain your reasons more clearly and naturally.

例: Yes, I think celebrating my birthday is important because it only happens once a year. It is a special day when I can feel happy and enjoy myself.

提案: Your answer is unclear and contains many errors. Focus on answering the question directly with clear sentences. Use correct grammar and vocabulary, and provide specific reasons and examples.

例: In China, I think my father's birthday is the most important to celebrate because he is a very important person in my life. I like to spend time with him and make his day special.

× Usually on my birthday I celebrate with my family, uh, eating together with cake or some chicken.

✓ Usually on my birthday I celebrate with my family, uh, eating cake or some chicken together.

The phrase 'eating together with cake or some chicken' is awkward and incorrectly structured. The verb 'eating' should be followed directly by the objects 'cake or some chicken' without 'together with'. Also, 'together' should be placed after the objects to indicate the action is shared. This correction improves clarity and grammatical correctness.

× Simple celebration only, but it's making a memory.

✓ It's a simple celebration only, but it creates memories.

The original sentence lacks a subject and uses incorrect verb tense and form. 'Simple celebration only' is a fragment; adding 'It's a' makes it a complete sentence. 'It's making a memory' is awkward; 'it creates memories' is more natural and grammatically correct.

× That's what I remember during my childhood, every time I celebrated my birthday.

✓ That's what I remember from my childhood: every time I celebrated my birthday.

The preposition 'during' is less appropriate here than 'from' when referring to memories. Also, a colon is better than a comma to separate the two clauses. This correction improves clarity and grammatical correctness.

× I've got a cake and singing and dancing on my birthday together with my friends, cousins, family and that was so memorable.

✓ I got a cake and sang and danced on my birthday together with my friends, cousins, and family, and that was so memorable.

The original sentence mixes present perfect 'I've got' with gerunds 'singing and dancing' which is inconsistent. Since the question is about past events, simple past tense 'I got', 'sang', and 'danced' should be used. Also, commas are added for clarity.

× In my perspective yes, because only once per year we are celebrating our birthday, so that day is a special day.

✓ From my perspective, yes, because we celebrate our birthday only once per year, so that day is special.

The phrase 'In my perspective' is incorrect; the correct preposition is 'From my perspective'. Also, 'we are celebrating' should be simple present 'we celebrate' for habitual actions. 'That day is a special day' is redundant; 'that day is special' is more natural.

× Where in I supposed to be happy, enjoying my day, feel so special that day, That's all.

✓ I am supposed to be happy, enjoy my day, and feel special that day. That's all.

The original sentence starts with 'Where in' which is incorrect and unnecessary. The verbs should be parallel in form: 'be happy', 'enjoy', 'feel'. Also, the sentence is fragmented and needs to be combined properly.

× I think it's my father spoke to you because for me since the mosque important person, so I'd rather bring her there and celebrate her birthday to make the most out of you and spend her.

✓ I think it's my father because, for me, he is an important person, so I'd rather bring him there and celebrate his birthday to make the most of it and spend time with him.

The original sentence has multiple pronoun errors: 'her' and 'you' are incorrectly used instead of 'him' and 'it'. Also, 'spoke to you' is unclear and likely incorrect in context. 'Since the mosque important person' is ungrammatical and unclear; it is corrected to 'he is an important person'. The phrase 'make the most out of you and spend her' is incorrect; corrected to 'make the most of it and spend time with him' for clarity and correctness.