Birthday— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is a bit long and somewhat unclear due to redundancy and grammatical errors. Try to make your response more natural and concise by using proper sentence structure and linking words. For example, start with a clear topic sentence, then add supporting details logically.

例: On my birthday, I usually wake up early to seek blessings from the gods and my parents. After that, I spend time with my friends, and in the evening, we go outside to cut the cake together.

提案: Your answer contains many hesitations and unclear phrases. To improve, avoid filler words like 'uh' and provide clear, specific details. Use linking words such as 'also' or 'in addition' to connect ideas smoothly.

例: When I was young, I usually played outside with my friends and cut cakes on my birthday. In addition, I sometimes went to the shopping centre to buy new clothes, which was a special activity for me.

提案: Your answer is unclear and grammatically incorrect. To improve, express your opinion clearly with correct grammar and provide reasons using linking words like 'because' or 'however'.

例: I don't think celebrating my birthday is very important because it reminds me that I am getting older. However, I do enjoy cutting the cake with family and friends.

提案: Your answer is unclear and lacks coherence. Try to respond directly to the question, even if you are unsure, by giving a general opinion. Use linking words to make your answer logical and complete.

例: I am not sure whose birthday is considered the most important in China. However, I believe that every person's birthday is important to their family and friends, so it should be celebrated accordingly.

× On my birthday I usually get up early in the morning, take blessings from the gods and goddess and then praying to my parents and spending time with my friends and give and going outside and cut the cake.

✓ On my birthday I usually get up early in the morning, take blessings from the gods and goddess, then pray to my parents, spend time with my friends, go outside, and cut the cake.

The original sentence incorrectly uses 'praying', 'spending', and 'going' where the base form of the verb should be used after 'then'. In English, after 'then' in a list of actions, the base form of the verb is used, not the present participle. Also, 'give' is incomplete and unclear, so it is removed for clarity.

× When I was young, I usually do uh, some, uh, physical activities on my birthdays like playing outside with my friends and cutting cakes.

✓ When I was young, I usually did some physical activities on my birthdays like playing outside with my friends and cutting cakes.

The sentence refers to past habitual actions, so the verb 'do' should be in the past tense 'did' to match the past time frame indicated by 'When I was young'.

× And additionally, I, uh, I rarely go to the SHO, uh, shopping Center for shopping my clothes, but that was usual activity for me.

✓ And additionally, I rarely went to the SHO shopping center to shop for my clothes, but that was a usual activity for me.

Since the sentence talks about past habits, the verb 'go' should be in past tense 'went'. Also, 'shopping my clothes' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'to shop for my clothes'. 'A usual activity' requires the article 'a' before 'usual activity'.

× Celebrating of my birthday is not important for me because by thinking that one year or one year of my life is decreased and I am celebrate only that day.

✓ Celebrating my birthday is not important to me because I think that one year of my life has passed and I only celebrate that day.

The phrase 'Celebrating of my birthday' is incorrect; 'celebrating' should be used without 'of'. The preposition 'for' should be 'to' in 'important to me'. The phrase 'by thinking' is awkward and replaced with 'I think'. 'Is decreased' is incorrect; the correct expression is 'has passed'. 'I am celebrate' is grammatically wrong; it should be 'I only celebrate'.

× So it is not important for me to celebrate my birthday specially. But yes if someone has to do cutting.

✓ So it is not especially important for me to celebrate my birthday. But yes, if someone wants to cut the cake, it is fine.

The adverb 'specially' is incorrectly used; 'especially' is correct here. The sentence 'But yes if someone has to do cutting' is incomplete and unclear; it is corrected to 'if someone wants to cut the cake' to make sense and complete the thought.

× I do not know that whose birthday is important to celebrate in China because I am out of this topic and I don't know.

✓ I do not know whose birthday is important to celebrate in China because I am not familiar with this topic and I don't know.

The phrase 'I am out of this topic' is incorrect; the correct expression is 'I am not familiar with this topic'. The word 'that' before 'whose' is unnecessary and removed.

× So according to this question, what who's ever, who's ever birthday is there.

✓ So according to this question, whoever's birthday it is,

The phrase 'what who's ever, who's ever birthday is there' is grammatically incorrect and unclear. It is corrected to 'whoever's birthday it is' to properly use the possessive pronoun and make the sentence meaningful.

× But yes, that person is very important to them and it should be important to.

✓ But yes, that person is very important to them and should be important to others as well.

The sentence ends abruptly with 'should be important to.' It is incomplete and corrected to 'should be important to others as well' to complete the thought and improve clarity.