Birthday— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cevabınızda bazı dilbilgisi hataları ve anlam belirsizlikleri var. "Drove" kelimesi yanlış kullanılmış, doğru kelime "throw" olmalı. Ayrıca cümleniz çok uzun ve tekrarlayıcı. Daha doğal ve akıcı olmak için cümlelerinizi kısaltmalı ve bağlaçlarla mantıklı bir şekilde bağlamalısınız.

例: I usually spend my birthday with close friends and family. I throw two separate parties: one with my family and another with my friends. We always have a lot of fun together.

提案: Cevabınızda "draw" kelimesi yanlış kullanılmış, doğru kelime "throw" olmalı. Ayrıca cümleleriniz biraz uzun ve karmaşık. Daha doğal ve etkili olmak için cümlelerinizi bölmeli ve bağlaçlarla desteklemelisiniz.

例: When I was a child, my mom used to throw magnificent birthday parties at our summer house. She invited all my family and friends, and there was plenty of food and drinks. She also hired clowns and dancers to entertain the children.

提案: Cevabınızda bazı tekrarlar ve gereksiz ifadeler var. Daha etkili ve doğal olmak için cümlelerinizi sadeleştirin ve bağlaçlarla mantıklı bir akış sağlayın.

例: Yes, celebrating my birthday is important because it marks the day I was born. It is also a special occasion for my family and friends. Moreover, it gives me a chance to create memorable moments with them.

提案: Cevabınız eksik ve tamamlanmamış. Ayrıca "a" ile biten cümle anlam bozukluğuna neden oluyor. Daha iyi bir cevap için konuyla ilgili daha fazla bilgi verin ve cümlenizi tamamlayın.

例: I am not very familiar with Chinese customs, but I know family is very important in their culture. Therefore, I think celebrating the birthdays of close family members is the most significant.

× I mostly drove 2 separate parties on my birthdays, one of them with my family and one of them with my friends, and we will have a lot of fun on my birthdays with people I like spending.

✓ I mostly held 2 separate parties on my birthdays, one with my family and one with my friends, and we had a lot of fun on my birthdays with people I like spending time with.

The verb 'drove' is incorrect in this context; the correct verb is 'held' when referring to organizing parties. Also, the sentence mixes past and future tenses incorrectly ('will have' should be 'had' to maintain past tense consistency). Additionally, the phrase 'people I like spending' is incomplete and should be 'people I like spending time with.'

× My mom used to draw magnificent birthday parties when I was a child and she would invite all my family members and all my friends to our summer house and we would have a really nice organization with lots of food and drinks.

✓ My mom used to organize magnificent birthday parties when I was a child, and she would invite all my family members and all my friends to our summer house, and we would have a really nice event with lots of food and drinks.

The verb 'draw' is incorrect here; the correct verb is 'organize' when referring to planning parties. Also, 'organization' is not the right noun in this context; 'event' fits better.

× And she also used to hire some clowns and dancers for my birthday party to all the children to have fun.

✓ And she also used to hire some clowns and dancers for my birthday party so that all the children could have fun.

The phrase 'to all the children to have fun' is incorrect. The correct structure is 'so that all the children could have fun' to express purpose.

× And other than that, celebrating your birthday is a good opportunity to have a memorable day with your friends, and it's mostly making an excuse for a nice day.

✓ And other than that, celebrating your birthday is a good opportunity to have a memorable day with your friends, and it's mostly an excuse for a nice day.

The phrase 'it's mostly making an excuse' is incorrect; it should be 'it's mostly an excuse' because 'making' is unnecessary and incorrect here.

× So I believe that celebrating their families birthdays might be the most important for Chinese people.

✓ So I believe that celebrating their families' birthdays might be the most important for Chinese people.

The possessive form of 'families' is missing an apostrophe to indicate possession. It should be 'families' birthdays' to show that the birthdays belong to the families.