Birthday— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to use correct verb tenses and avoid redundancy. Also, organise your answer with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details using linking words for coherence. For example, start by stating what you usually do, then explain what you did last birthday specifically.

例: Usually, I celebrate my birthday by going out with friends to restaurants and having some drinks. However, last year, I stayed home and played snooker at a pool table before having dinner and going to bed early.

提案: Focus on using consistent verb tenses and clearer sentence structure. Use linking words like 'but' or 'however' properly to compare past and present. Avoid filler words and be more specific about what made it enjoyable.

例: When I was younger, I usually spent my birthday at restaurants with my friends, enjoying quality time together. However, compared to last year, those celebrations were much more exciting.

提案: Improve sentence clarity and grammar by using proper conjunctions and avoiding repetition. Express your opinion clearly with supporting reasons in a logical sequence.

例: I don't think celebrating birthdays is very important. While it is enjoyable when you are young, as you grow older, birthdays become less special and exciting.

提案: Make your answer more relevant and coherent by directly addressing the question. Avoid unclear phrases like 'thriller vibes' and correct pronoun use. Provide clear reasons and examples.

例: In China, I think my mother's birthday is the most important to celebrate because she loves the country and has always dreamed of visiting China for her birthday.

× For my last birthday I haven't done any excitement things such as going out, hanging in the restaurants with friends, having some drinks and smooth.

✓ For my last birthday I didn't do any exciting things such as going out, hanging out in restaurants with friends, having some drinks and relaxing.

The sentence incorrectly uses present perfect tense 'haven't done' for a specific past event, which should be in simple past tense 'didn't do'. Also, 'excitement things' is incorrect; the adjective form 'exciting things' is appropriate. 'Hanging in the restaurants' should be 'hanging out in restaurants' to use the correct phrasal verb and article usage. 'Smooth' is unclear; 'relaxing' fits better in context.

× For my last birthday I haven't done any excitement things such as going out, hanging in the restaurants with friends, having some drinks and smooth.

✓ For my last birthday I didn't do any exciting things such as going out, hanging out in restaurants with friends, having some drinks and relaxing.

The phrase 'hanging in the restaurants' uses incorrect preposition and verb form. The correct phrasal verb is 'hanging out' to indicate spending time socially. Also, 'smooth' is not a verb or gerund here; 'relaxing' is a better choice to express a calm activity.

× But uh, At this at last uh birthday I have just gone to the pool table and played some snooker and just came home and had dinner and slept.

✓ But at my last birthday, I just went to the pool table, played some snooker, then came home, had dinner, and slept.

The use of present perfect 'have just gone' is incorrect for a specific past event; simple past 'went' is appropriate. Also, the sentence structure is improved by removing filler words and adding commas for clarity.

× When I was younger, I would usually go and hang out in the restaurants with my friends and had the quality time, but uh, as we compared to, to this, uh, last birthday, that was not at all exciting.

✓ When I was younger, I would usually go and hang out in restaurants with my friends and have quality time, but compared to this last birthday, it was not at all exciting.

The phrase 'had the quality time' is incorrect; 'have quality time' is the correct expression. Also, 'as we compared to' is incorrect; 'compared to' suffices. The sentence is adjusted for clarity and grammatical correctness.

× No, it is not at all too important to celebrate the birthday 'cause celebrating birthday for some years it good, but as you grow older that's not any more special or excitement for the person to celebrate the birthday.

✓ No, it is not too important to celebrate birthdays because celebrating birthdays for some years is good, but as you grow older, it is no longer special or exciting for a person to celebrate their birthday.

The sentence has pronoun misuse: 'it good' should be 'is good'; 'that's not any more special or excitement' should be 'it is no longer special or exciting'. Also, 'the birthday' is changed to 'birthdays' for generalization, and 'the person' to 'a person' with 'their birthday' for correct pronoun reference.

× Most important birthday to celebrate in China is my mom's birthday 'cause she loves the China 'cause China gives an exciting thriller vibes to her and she dreamt of having a trip to China for his birthday.

✓ The most important birthday to celebrate in China is my mom's birthday because she loves China since it gives exciting, thrilling vibes to her and she dreamed of having a trip to China for her birthday.

The sentence misuses pronouns: 'the China' should be 'China'; 'thriller vibes' should be 'thrilling vibes'; 'she dreamt' is acceptable but 'she dreamed' is more common; 'for his birthday' should be 'for her birthday' to match the subject 'my mom'. Also, conjunctions are corrected for clarity.