Birthday— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is good but try to make it more natural and clear by using correct tenses and linking words. Also, avoid redundancy and keep your sentences concise. For example, you can say: "On my birthday, I usually start the day by praying and thanking God. Then, I reply to messages from family and friends. I also cook for the less privileged. In the evening, I spend time with my friends and family."

例: On my birthday, I usually start the day by praying and thanking God. Then, I reply to messages from family and friends. I also cook for the less privileged. In the evening, I spend time with my friends and family.

提案: Your answer is clear but you can improve coherence by using linking words and avoid repeating the same idea. Also, try to use past tense consistently. For example, you can say: "I can't remember all my birthdays clearly, but I remember one special birthday when my parents bought a cake and drinks. They invited my school friends, and we prayed and ate together. It was a beautiful experience that I really enjoyed."

例: I can't remember all my birthdays clearly, but I remember one special birthday when my parents bought a cake and drinks. They invited my school friends, and we prayed and ate together. It was a beautiful experience that I really enjoyed.

提案: Your answer has good content but needs better structure and clarity. Avoid repetition and unclear phrases. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly. For example: "Yes, celebrating my birthday is very important because it makes the day special. My parents, brothers, sisters, and friends come to the house. We eat and enjoy ourselves. It is always a warm and beautiful time to have them around."

例: Yes, celebrating my birthday is very important because it makes the day special. My parents, brothers, sisters, and friends come to the house. We eat and enjoy ourselves. It is always a warm and beautiful time to have them around.

提案: Your answer shows honesty but lacks content and coherence. Try to give a clear opinion and support it with reasons or examples. Avoid repeating the same idea. For example: "I am not sure which birthdays are most important in China, but I believe celebrating God is very important. Many people celebrate religious occasions to show gratitude and respect."

例: I am not sure which birthdays are most important in China, but I believe celebrating God is very important. Many people celebrate religious occasions to show gratitude and respect.

× On my birthday is first, when I woke up in the morning, I pray, I give thanks to God, and I reply some messages for my well wishes, family and friends.

✓ On my birthday, first, when I wake up in the morning, I pray, give thanks to God, and reply to some messages from my well-wishers, family, and friends.

The original sentence has incorrect sentence structure and tense inconsistency. 'On my birthday is first' is awkward and incorrect; it should be 'On my birthday, first'. The verb 'woke' is past tense but the question asks about usual activities, so present tense 'wake' is appropriate. 'Reply some messages' is incorrect; it should be 'reply to some messages'. Also, 'well wishes' should be 'well-wishers' to refer to people. The sentence needs commas for clarity.

× And I cook for the less privilege.

✓ And I cook for the less privileged.

The phrase 'less privilege' is incorrect; it should be 'less privileged' to describe people who have fewer privileges. 'Privileged' is an adjective here, not a noun.

× And in the evening I hang out with friends and family.

✓ And in the evening, I hang out with friends and family.

A comma is needed after 'in the evening' to separate the introductory phrase from the main clause for better readability.

× I vividly can't remember all, but I certainly remembered one of my birthdays.

✓ I can't vividly remember all, but I certainly remember one of my birthdays.

The phrase 'vividly can't remember' is awkward; 'can't vividly remember' is better. Also, since the question is about past events, 'remembered' should be 'remember' to indicate a present recollection of a past event.

× My parents bought cake, drinks, invited my school friends, and we prayed and ate.

✓ My parents bought cake and drinks, invited my school friends, and we prayed and ate.

A conjunction 'and' is needed between 'cake' and 'drinks' to correctly list items. The sentence structure is otherwise acceptable.

× My parents come along, come, come to the house, my brothers, my Si, my friends that around, we eat, we make merry.

✓ My parents come along to the house, my brothers, my sister, and my friends who are around; we eat and make merry.

The original sentence has repetition ('come, come, come'), incorrect or unclear phrases ('my Si' should be 'my sister'), and missing conjunctions. 'My friends that around' should be 'my friends who are around'. The sentence needs proper punctuation and conjunctions for clarity.

× I don't know. I have no idea what birthdays are being celebrated in China, but personally I would say God.

✓ I don't know. I have no idea which birthdays are celebrated in China, but personally, I would say God's birthday.

The phrase 'I would say God' is incomplete; it should specify 'God's birthday'. Also, 'what birthdays are being celebrated' is better as 'which birthdays are celebrated' for clarity.