Birthday— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is incomplete and unclear, which affects the natural flow and effectiveness. Try to give a clear topic sentence directly answering the question, followed by specific supporting details, and avoid redundancy or unfinished sentences.

例: Usually, I celebrate my birthday with a small gathering of close friends and family. I prefer a simple meal at home rather than a big party. This way, I can enjoy quality time with loved ones without too much fuss.

提案: Your answer has some good ideas but is incomplete and lacks coherence. Use linking words to connect ideas and complete your sentences. Also, provide more specific details to enrich your answer.

例: When I was young, I often celebrated my birthday with my cousin at a beach resort. We would swim in the sea, grill barbecue, and sing songs together. These celebrations were always lively and full of fun.

提案: Your answer is somewhat vague and incomplete. Try to give a clear opinion first, then explain it with specific reasons or examples. Use linking words to make your answer coherent.

例: I think celebrating birthdays is important because it reminds us to appreciate life. However, as I have grown older, I prefer quieter celebrations or sometimes I even forget the date. What matters most is to be grateful for another year.

提案: Your answer is unclear and incomplete, making it difficult to understand your point. Make sure to directly answer the question, provide clear reasons, and avoid repetition or unfinished sentences.

例: In China, I believe the most important birthday to celebrate is that of close family members, especially parents. Celebrating at home is common because it is comfortable and cost-effective, allowing family members to gather and enjoy the occasion together.

× But as I grow up, simplicity becomes I love you.

✓ But as I grow up, simplicity becomes more important.

The original sentence is incomplete and contains an irrelevant phrase 'I love you'. The sentence should express that simplicity becomes more important as the speaker grows up, using the present tense 'becomes'. The phrase 'I love you' is unrelated and should be removed.

× or at times we would be celebrate.

✓ or at times we would celebrate.

The phrase 'would be celebrate' is incorrect because 'celebrate' should be in its base form after 'would'. The auxiliary 'would' is followed by the base verb, not the present participle. Therefore, 'would celebrate' is correct.

× But now that I'm old, sometimes I forget that that day is already my birthday and the what I learned is what is more important is that you realize that.

✓ But now that I'm old, sometimes I forget that the day is already my birthday, and what I have learned is that what is more important is that you realize it.

The original sentence is confusing and contains redundant words like 'that that' and 'the what'. The sentence structure is unclear. The correction clarifies the meaning by removing redundancy and restructuring the sentence for clarity and grammatical correctness.

× Well, I think that there is no other place that you should celebrate your birthday rather than your home, your home. Today for Class 2, but they are very, very. It's the best place to celebrate your birthday with. It's cost effective and.

✓ Well, I think that there is no better place to celebrate your birthday than your home. It is the best place to celebrate your birthday because it is cost effective and comfortable.

The original sentences are fragmented and contain unclear phrases like 'Today for Class 2, but they are very, very.' The correction combines the ideas into coherent sentences, removes irrelevant parts, and completes the thought about why home is the best place to celebrate a birthday.