Birthday— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and clear: start with a topic sentence stating what you usually do. Reduce fillers and correct word choice (e.g., "party", "house"). Use one or two supporting details with linking words. Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: I usually don't do much for my birthday; my wife and friends normally organize something for me. For example, they sometimes throw a small party at our house or we gather with family and close friends. I prefer low-key celebrations rather than big events.

提案: Avoid hesitation and complete your sentences. Begin with a clear topic sentence about typical past celebrations, then add one or two specific details (who, where, what). Use past tense consistently and link ideas with words like "often" or "usually".

例: When I was a child, my friends often surprised me for my birthday. They usually invited me to a café or restaurant and bought me a cake, and sometimes there would be a small party with games and songs.

提案: Your answer is relevant but wordy and repetitive. Start with a clear opinion, then give two concise reasons with linking words like "because" and "therefore." Avoid repeating the same idea and keep sentences varied in structure.

例: Yes, I think celebrating birthdays is important because they mark a personal milestone and give us a chance to reflect on the past year. Therefore, I often use my birthday to set new goals and plan what I want to achieve next year.

提案: Be careful with sensitive or broad statements. Start with a direct answer and then explain with specific, balanced reasons. Use linking words (e.g., "for example", "because") and avoid vague phrasing like "remember everyone."

例: In China, many people consider the birthdays of important cultural or historical figures significant, for example national leaders or founders. Celebrations often reflect respect for their contributions and are sometimes marked by public ceremonies or media tributes.

× Actually the I usually do nothing for my birthday and my friends or my wife do for my birthday and taking a party or we are gathered with family and my friends together in my purse.

✓ Actually, I usually do nothing for my birthday; my friends or my wife organize it and we have a party or gather with family and friends at my place.

The original sentence has word order issues, extra articles, and incorrect verb forms causing a run-on sentence. 'the I' is incorrect (extra article). 'do for my birthday' is vague; use 'organize it'. 'taking a party' is incorrect; use 'have a party'. 'we are gathered' should be 'we gather' or 'we gather/meet' and 'in my purse' is wrong vocabulary; use 'at my place'. Combine clauses with appropriate punctuation to avoid run-on sentences. Suggest breaking into clearer clauses and using correct verbs and prepositions.

× Uh, actually when I was young, uh, uh, my friend, uh, I usually surprised me and, uh, bought me a cake, uh, in a restaurant or cafe and, uh, invited me to the restaurant.

✓ When I was young, my friend usually surprised me and bought me a cake at a restaurant or cafe and invited me there.

Mixed tenses and incorrect subject-object order: 'my friend, uh, I usually surprised me' is incorrect; the subject should be 'my friend' and the verb 'surprised' (past) matches 'when I was young'. 'Usually' suggests habitual past, so keep past tense. Use 'at a restaurant' rather than 'in a restaurant' can be acceptable but 'at' is more natural with 'bought me a cake at a restaurant or cafe and invited me there.' Remove filler words and correct word order.

× And when I, uh, went to the restaurant, I saw a.

✓ And when I went to the restaurant, I saw a surprise party.

The original sentence ends abruptly and lacks an object after 'saw a'. Complete the thought by adding 'surprise party' (or similar). Also remove filler 'uh' and ensure sentence has a clear object.

× Yes, because I believe that birthday is a unique and special day in a year for everyone and it must be and should be a celebrated every year to renew our plan and decide what to do in the next year.

✓ Yes, because I believe that a birthday is a unique and special day in the year for everyone, and it should be celebrated every year to review our plans and decide what to do in the next year.

Missing articles: use 'a birthday' or 'the birthday' depending on meaning; here 'a birthday' is appropriate. 'in a year' should be 'in the year' or 'each year'; 'must be and should be a celebrated' is redundant and ungrammatical—use 'should be celebrated'. 'renew our plan' is awkward; use 'review our plans'. Ensure subject-verb constructions are correct and avoid redundancy.

× I think the birthday of our leader is very important in our country and every year it has been celebrated to remember everyone in our country what a good leader we have.

✓ I think the birthdays of our leaders are considered important in our country, and every year they are celebrated to remind people how good our leaders are.

'The birthday of our leader' is unclear when referring to leaders in general; use plural 'birthdays of our leaders' or specify a single leader. 'It has been celebrated' is awkward passive with unclear subject; better 'they are celebrated'. 'to remember everyone in our country what a good leader we have' is incorrect syntax—use 'to remind people how good our leaders are'. Adjust plurality for consistency and correct passive usage.