Birthday— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar (tenses and word choice), correct collocations, and make the response more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail using a linking word. Avoid redundancy and keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: I usually spend my birthday with my parents because they are the closest people in my life. For example, last year I went back home and we celebrated with a homemade cake and a family dinner, which felt very cozy and relaxed.

提案: Correct verb forms and word order, use clear linking words, and give one specific memorable detail. Keep it natural and avoid awkward phrasing. Limit to 3–4 sentences.

例: When I was a child, I often invited my friends to a small party at home. We danced a lot and, on one memorable occasion, we made a simple birthday cake together, which was fun and messy.

提案: Fix tense consistency and complete the final thought. Start with a clear topic sentence stating your current view, then briefly contrast with childhood feelings using a linking word and a specific reason. Keep it natural and concise.

例: I don't think celebrating my birthday is very important now because I prefer low-key evenings. When I was a child, however, I loved big parties because they made me feel special, but as an adult I value quiet time more.

提案: Provide a clearer, grammatically correct topic sentence and add one specific cultural detail to support your point. Use linking words to explain why the 60th birthday is significant. Keep it within 2–3 sentences.

例: I think the 60th birthday is the most important in China because it marks a major milestone in a person’s life. For example, families often hold big banquets and give symbolic gifts to honor the elder and show respect.

× I prefer spending my birthday with my parents because they're my closed person in my world.

✓ I prefer spending my birthday with my parents because they are the closest people in my world.

The student used 'closed' incorrectly; the intended adjective is 'close' or comparative/superlative 'closer/closest'. Also 'person' should be plural 'people' to refer to parents. Use 'the closest people' to show they are the most important family members. Suggestion: use 'close' for singular relationships and 'closest' when comparing; use plural 'people' for 'parents'.

× Last year I go back home and have a cake with them.

✓ Last year I went back home and had a cake with them.

The sentence refers to a past time 'Last year' but uses present tense verbs 'go' and 'have'. Use past simple 'went' and 'had' for completed past actions. Suggestion: match verb tense to the time expression; use past simple for finished past events.

× When I was a kid, I always asked invited my friends to have a party together.

✓ When I was a kid, I always invited my friends to have a party together.

The student combined two verbs 'asked invited' incorrectly. Either 'asked my friends to come' or 'invited my friends' is correct. The unnecessary repetition causes a structure error. Suggestion: choose one verb and use correct object/infinitive structure: 'invited my friends' or 'asked my friends to come'.

× We stand and dance a lot and we even find a place to make a birthday cake by ourselves that makes.

✓ We stood and danced a lot and we even found a place to make a birthday cake ourselves.

The sentence mixes present and past when describing childhood ('When I was a kid'). Use past simple 'stood', 'danced', 'found'. Also 'by ourselves that makes' is ungrammatical; 'ourselves' suffices. Suggestion: keep past tense consistent and remove redundant clause 'that makes'.

× When I was a kid, I enjoyed celebrating my birthday because I thought it was one of the most important events in my life.

✓ When I was a kid, I enjoyed celebrating my birthday because I thought it was one of the most important events in my life.

This sentence is correct as written. Tenses are consistent (past when referring to childhood). No change needed.

× But when I grow up, I don't like to celebrate my birthday because I think it is not important anymore.

✓ But when I grew up, I didn't like to celebrate my birthday because I thought it was not important anymore.

The speaker refers to a change after reaching adulthood, which should be expressed in past when contrasting with childhood experience already described in past. Use past simple 'grew up', 'didn't like', 'thought'. Suggestion: maintain consistent past perspective when narrating past changes.

× It just like.

✓ It just seemed pointless.

'It just like' is incomplete and lacks a main verb. Provide a clear predicate: 'seemed pointless' or 'felt unimportant'. Suggestion: include a verb and clarify the idea; e.g., 'It just seemed pointless' or 'I just didn't care'.

× Maybe the 60s birthday is the most significant birthday in China because it is a milestone to enter a new stage of life.

✓ Maybe the 60th birthday is the most significant birthday in China because it is a milestone marking entry into a new stage of life.

'The 60s birthday' is incorrect quantifier/number form. Use ordinal '60th birthday' to refer to someone's sixtieth birthday. Also 'milestone to enter' is awkward; use 'milestone marking entry into'. Suggestion: use ordinals for ages and more natural collocations like 'milestone' + gerund or 'marking'.