Relax— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Perbaiki penggunaan kata dan tata bahasa, misalnya 'oftenly' harus diganti dengan 'often'. Gunakan kalimat yang lebih alami dan singkat, serta hindari pengulangan kata seperti 'shopping centre' dan 'shopping mall' yang memiliki arti sama. Contoh kalimat yang lebih baik: "I often go to the shopping mall with my family to relax and shop for clothes or electronic appliances."

例: I often go to the shopping mall with my family to relax and shop for clothes or electronic appliances.

提案: Jawaban sudah cukup baik, namun bisa dibuat lebih alami dan efektif dengan menghindari kalimat yang terlalu panjang dan pengulangan. Gunakan kata penghubung yang tepat untuk memperjelas alasan. Contoh: "I usually relax with my wife, son, and parents because I find spending time with family more enjoyable than with others."

例: I usually relax with my wife, son, and parents because I find spending time with family more enjoyable than with others.

提案: Perbaiki pengulangan kata dan tata bahasa. Gunakan kalimat yang lebih singkat dan jelas. Misalnya, hindari pengulangan 'listening to music' dan gunakan kata penghubung yang tepat. Contoh: "I find listening to music very relaxing, especially when I enjoy different genres with my family."

例: I find listening to music very relaxing, especially when I enjoy different genres with my family.

提案: Perbaiki tata bahasa dan pengucapan, misalnya 'I often listening' harus menjadi 'I often listen'. Gunakan kalimat yang lebih alami dan singkat. Contoh: "To relax, I often listen to good music and enjoy reading light novels."

例: To relax, I often listen to good music and enjoy reading light novels.

× When I have a leisure time, oftenly I will go to the shopping centre or to shopping mall to enjoy it out with my families and also to shop certain things such as clothes or maybe electronic appliances.

✓ When I have leisure time, I often go to the shopping centre or shopping mall to enjoy it with my family and also to shop for certain things such as clothes or maybe electronic appliances.

The adverb 'oftenly' is incorrect; the correct form is 'often'. The phrase 'a leisure time' is incorrect because 'leisure time' is uncountable and does not need an article. 'Shopping mall' does not need 'to' before it. 'Enjoy it out with my families' is awkward; 'enjoy it with my family' is better, and 'family' is usually singular when referring to one's own family. Also, 'shop certain things' should be 'shop for certain things'. These corrections improve clarity and grammatical accuracy.

× I usually enjoy my break time with my wife, my son and also my parents. It's because spending time with family is more interesting for me than with the others.

✓ I usually enjoy my break time with my wife, my son, and my parents. It's because spending time with my family is more interesting for me than with others.

The phrase 'with the others' is incorrect; it should be 'with others' without 'the' because it refers to people in general, not specific others. Also, adding commas in the list improves readability. Using 'my family' is more natural when referring to one's own family.

× Listening to music is actually my thing because listening to music is very enjoyable and relaxing and it comes better when we listen to the music with our families enjoying some certain of genres and also certain musical.

✓ Listening to music is actually my thing because it is very enjoyable and relaxing, and it is better when we listen to music with our family, enjoying certain genres and also some musicals.

The phrase 'some certain of genres' is incorrect; it should be 'certain genres' or 'some genres'. 'Certain musical' is incomplete; it should be 'some musicals'. Also, 'the music' is unnecessary here; 'music' is uncountable and does not need 'the'. 'Our families' should be 'our family' when referring to one's own family. These changes correct quantifier and article usage.

× In order for me to relax, I have several things uh to do it. Firstly, I often listening to a good a good music. Secondly, I enjoy reading some light books such as novel.

✓ In order for me to relax, I have several things to do. Firstly, I often listen to good music. Secondly, I enjoy reading some light books such as novels.

The phrase 'I often listening' is incorrect; it should be 'I often listen' to match the present tense. 'A good a good music' is redundant and incorrect; 'good music' is uncountable and does not need an article. 'Some light books such as novel' is incorrect; 'novel' should be plural 'novels' to match 'books'. Also, 'to do it' is unnecessary; 'to do' suffices. These corrections fix tense and article errors.