Relax— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct small errors (e.g. ‘mailing park’ might be ‘main/nearby park’) and avoid redundancy. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Keep answers to no more than five sentences.

例: I usually go to the nearby park in the mornings to relax because the peaceful atmosphere helps me clear my mind. For example, I listen to music while walking along the flower-lined paths and sometimes take photos, which improves my photography skills and helps me unwind.

提案: Fix grammatical errors and complete unfinished sentences. Use a clear topic sentence and one or two supporting details linked logically. Avoid repeating ideas and ensure sentences are complete.

例: I usually relax with my sister because we share similar hobbies. For instance, we walk around the park admiring the vibrant flowers and take photos of lilies and roses, and our conversations about daily life really help me unwind.

提案: This answer is good but could be slightly more concise and add a linking phrase to connect ideas. Mentioning specific reasons why her music is relaxing (melody, lyrics, rhythm) would add clarity and specificity.

例: Yes, I find music very relaxing because soothing melodies and meaningful lyrics calm me down. For example, I often listen to Taylor Swift after a stressful day because her songs lift my spirits, and I also play upbeat tracks in the morning to boost my energy.

提案: Complete and polish sentences, avoid repetition with previous answers, and add a clear topic sentence followed by specific supporting details with linking words. Ensure vocabulary is used correctly (e.g. 'photographing the blooms' and finish the final idea).

例: To relax, I usually go for a walk in the park because the peaceful atmosphere and birdsong help me unwind. Additionally, I enjoy photographing the flower blooms to focus my attention on details, which reduces stress and gives me a creative outlet.

× I usually go to the mailing park in the morning to enjoy the peaceful atmosphere, listen to the music, and admire the vivid colors of the flowers, which helps me relieve stress and clear my mind.

✓ I usually go to the main park in the morning to enjoy the peaceful atmosphere, listen to music, and admire the vivid colors of the flowers, which helps me relieve stress and clear my mind.

The word 'mailing' is likely a typo; 'main' is appropriate for 'local or primary park'. Also 'listen to the music' is better as 'listen to music' when speaking generally (no article needed). These are preposition/article/word-choice issues; change 'mailing' to 'main' and remove the definite article before 'music' to sound natural.

× While walking along the path, I also take photos and relax further and improve my photography skills there.

✓ While walking along the path, I also take photos to relax further and improve my photography skills.

The original sentence has awkward coordination and an unclear adverbial phrase 'there' at the end. Rewriting with 'to' clarifies purpose: 'take photos to relax further and improve my photography skills.' This fixes sentence structure and clarity.

× Definitely my sister. I usually go to the local park with her to enjoy the peaceful atmosphere with both admire the vibrant colours of the flowers and like to take photos of lilies and roses to capture the scenery.

✓ Definitely my sister. I usually go to the local park with her to enjoy the peaceful atmosphere; we both admire the vibrant colours of the flowers and like to take photos of lilies and roses to capture the scenery.

The phrase 'with both admire' is ungrammatical; pronoun 'we' is needed as the subject for 'both admire'. Using a semicolon or conjunction separates ideas clearly. This fixes the pronoun and sentence structure error.

× I enjoy relaxing with her because our conversations help me unwind and.

✓ I enjoy relaxing with her because our conversations help me unwind.

The sentence ends with an incomplete conjunction 'and.' Removing 'and' completes the sentence. This fixes the sentence structure and provides a grammatically complete thought.

× I'm a big fan of Taylor Swift and often share her songs with my classmates because her lyrics and melodies lift my spirits after a stressful day.

✓ I'm a big fan of Taylor Swift and often share her songs with my classmates because her lyrics and melodies lift my spirits after a stressful day.

This sentence is grammatically correct; no article or other error to correct. Included here to indicate it's fine.

× I also play music on speakers every morning to wake up and boost my energy for the day.

✓ I also play music on speakers every morning to wake up and boost my energy for the day.

The sentence is acceptable as written. 'On speakers' is informal but understandable; 'on my speakers' could be more precise. No mandatory grammatical change required.

× I usually go to the park for a walk to enjoy the peaceful atmosphere and listen to the bird songs which can unwind my mind.

✓ I usually go to the park for a walk to enjoy the peaceful atmosphere and listen to the birdsong, which can help unwind my mind.

Use 'birdsong' (uncountable) or 'birdsongs' depending on meaning; 'which can unwind my mind' is improved by adding 'help' to show ability rather than direct causation. Also add a comma before the non-restrictive relative clause 'which'. This corrects relative clause punctuation and verb usage.

× I also enjoy photographing of the blooms and capture the vibrant.

✓ I also enjoy photographing the blooms and capturing their vibrant colors.

'Photographing of the blooms' is incorrect; use 'photographing the blooms'. The phrase 'capture the vibrant' is incomplete—'vibrant colors' or 'vibrancy' is needed. Also ensure parallel verb forms: 'photographing... and capturing...' for consistency.