Cakes— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one specific reason or example. Avoid repetition (e.g., "sweet thing" and "sweetened products") and reduce sentence fragments. Use linking words like "because" or "so" to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I do. I usually have a small dessert after dinner because it helps me relax; for example, I often enjoy a piece of chocolate or a pastry when I try new cafés.

提案: Be accurate and organized. Start with a clear statement about traditional cakes, name specific examples correctly, and explain briefly why they are special. Avoid unclear phrases and contradictory statements; explain price concern more clearly if relevant.

例: Yes, we have traditional sweets like mooncakes and rasgulla; rasmalai is also popular. I usually enjoy rasmalai on my birthday because of its creamy texture, although it can be a little pricey so we buy it only for special occasions.

提案: Structure answer with a topic sentence and one or two concise supporting details. Use correct tense and articles (e.g., "my husband's birthday", "a recipe"). Link sentences with "so" or "then" and avoid listing fragments.

例: I can make simple cakes if I have a recipe. For example, I followed a YouTube tutorial for my husband's birthday and baked a chocolate cake, adding chocolate chips for extra flavour, and it turned out delicious.

提案: Be concise and correct grammar. Use a clear topic sentence and one supporting detail. Fix tense and word order mistakes (e.g., "I enjoyed it with my friends", "chocolate cake was one of my favourite flavours"). Avoid repeating words.

例: Yes, I loved cakes as a child. I always looked forward to my birthday because I could cut the cake and enjoy a chocolate cake with my friends, which was my favourite.

提案: Use correct vocabulary and clear reasoning. Correct spelling and article use ("an interest", "dessert", "habit") and avoid vague phrases. Give a brief reason with linking words like "because" and one specific example.

例: Yes, I usually have a small dessert after a meal because it relaxes me; for instance, I often eat a few pieces of chocolate or a small pudding, a habit I picked up from my father.

× I always prefer to have a sweet thing such as chocolates, pastries or cakes.

✓ I always prefer to have something sweet such as chocolates, pastries, or cakes.

The phrase 'a sweet thing' is unnatural; use 'something sweet'. Also add commas in the list and the indefinite article 'a' is unnecessary before an uncountable/general idea. Use parallel list punctuation for clarity.

× I love to explore food meals.

✓ I love to explore different kinds of food.

The original phrase 'explore food meals' is ungrammatical and unclear. Use 'explore different kinds of food' to express trying various foods. This fixes word choice and sentence structure.

× there are several flavours of my own country such as Rasmalai flavour is one of the popular in my country.

✓ There are several traditional flavors in my country; Rasmalai is one of the most popular.

Original has redundant and incorrect article use and awkward repetition. Use 'traditional flavors' and a clear clause 'Rasmalai is one of the most popular.' Ensure subject-verb agreement and proper article use.

× I loved to try every time on my birthday.

✓ I used to try it every year on my birthday.

'Loved to try every time' is awkward and ungrammatical. Use 'used to' for habitual past actions and 'every year' for frequency. 'Try it' specifies the item.

× However, this could be a bit expensive for us, but I believe that I could not compromise with this because of money.

✓ However, this can be a bit expensive for us, and I cannot compromise on it because of money.

Use 'can' for general possibility and 'cannot' (or can't) for inability. 'Compromise on' is the correct preposition. Avoid double modals 'could not' with conflicting modality.

× I'm not a professional at making cakes, however if I have recipe I could definitely make cakes.

✓ I'm not a professional at making cakes; however, if I have a recipe I could definitely make a cake.

Add 'a' before 'recipe' and use singular/plural consistency: 'make a cake' or 'make cakes'. Punctuation: separate clauses with semicolon or period and add comma after 'however'.

× On my husband birthday I watched a video on YouTube to make him a surprise.

✓ On my husband's birthday I watched a video on YouTube to surprise him.

Use possessive 'husband's' and the verb phrase 'to surprise him' is more natural than 'to make him a surprise.' Also keep tense consistent past simple 'watched.'

× So at that time I make a chocolate cake which was delicious.

✓ So at that time I made a chocolate cake which was delicious.

Tense mismatch: 'at that time' requires past simple 'made', not present 'make.' Keep past tense throughout the narrative.

× I added a variety of products and ingredients such as chocolate chips.

✓ I added a variety of ingredients, such as chocolate chips.

'Products and ingredients' is redundant; use 'ingredients'. Comma before 'such as' improves clarity.

× I was always very excited for my birthday so that I can cut my cake and enjoy enjoyed with my friends.

✓ I was always very excited for my birthday so that I could cut my cake and enjoy it with my friends.

Tense consistency: narrative past uses 'could' not 'can'. Remove the duplicated 'enjoyed' and add the object 'it' after 'enjoy'.

× I remembered that chocolate cake one of was the one of my favorite flavor.

✓ I remember that chocolate cake was one of my favorite flavors.

Use present tense 'remember' for recollection or 'I remembered' with context; simpler: 'I remember'. Correct word order and plural 'flavors'. Remove extra words.

× As I mentioned earlier, I have a interest to have a desert after a meal and I always love to have chocolates, pudding or candies after meal so that I can digest my dinner.

✓ As I mentioned earlier, I have an interest in having a dessert after a meal, and I always like to have chocolates, pudding, or candy afterwards to help digest my dinner.

Use 'an interest' (vowel sound), 'in having' is correct preposition+gerund, 'dessert' spelling, use commas in list, 'candy' uncountable or 'candies' but 'candy' is natural, and 'afterwards' or 'after a meal' with purpose 'to help digest' is clearer.

× I adopted this babbitt from my father, he had the same habit.

✓ I adopted this habit from my father; he had the same habit.

'Babbitt' is incorrect word choice; should be 'habit'. Use semicolon or period to separate clauses for correctness.