Cakes— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar; reduce hesitations and repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and article use.

例: I do like sweet foods because I have a sweet tooth. For example, I often eat a slice of cake when I meet friends or family, as we drink tea and chat together, which creates a cheerful atmosphere and cheers me up.

提案: Answer the question directly and avoid confusion between China and Iran; correct noun phrases and use linking words. Provide specific examples and brief explanation of each item mentioned.

例: Although the question asks about Chinese cakes, if speaking about Iran I would say: In Iran we have traditional cakes for celebrations such as Yalda night and Nowruz. For instance, women often bake shirmal, a sweet cardamom bread, and other pastries to celebrate and show cultural heritage.

提案: Use correct verb forms and finish your sentences; avoid filler words. Start with a clear statement of ability, then give a concise reason and one specific example of what you bake or how often.

例: Yes, I can bake cakes. Baking relaxes me and helps me escape daily stress; for example, I often bake a simple vanilla sponge to serve when family or friends visit.

提案: Use past tense consistently and combine short repetitive sentences into a coherent answer with linking words. Give one or two specific memories or examples to make it more vivid.

例: Yes, I loved cakes as a child. For example, whenever we visited my grandfather, he would bake many kinds of cakes, and my siblings and I would share slices with our friends, which was always a happy memory.

提案: Use correct expressions for dieting and digestion, avoid word repetition and hesitations, and give a clear opinion with supporting reason. Use linking words like 'however' and concise phrasing.

例: I usually avoid desserts at the moment because I'm on a diet. However, I do enjoy them because a small portion of fruit or yogurt after a meal can aid digestion, according to several articles.

× Yes, since I have a sweet tooth, I prefer to have a piece of cake especially when I hang out with my friends, family, relative.

✓ Yes, since I have a sweet tooth, I prefer to have a piece of cake, especially when I hang out with my friends, family, and relatives.

The original sentence lists 'friends, family, relative' but 'relative' should be plural to match the list. Use 'and' before the last item in a list. Improved noun agreement and parallel structure make the sentence natural.

× We can have a chit chat with each other and also we drink teas, uh, with uh, we drink tea with uh sweet cakes.

✓ We can have a chit-chat with each other, and we also drink tea with sweet cakes.

Redundant phrases and inconsistent pluralization ('teas' → 'tea') make the sentence awkward. Use 'chit-chat' as a noun, keep 'tea' uncountable when speaking generally, and remove repeated fragments for clarity.

× It produce a joyful atmosphere when I feel down eating a cake.

✓ It produces a joyful atmosphere when I feel down to eat a cake.

Subject 'It' requires the verb 'produces' (third-person singular). Also 'when I feel down eating a cake' is unclear; 'to eat a cake' clarifies intention. Alternatively use 'when I feel down, eating a cake lifts my mood.'

× In Iran, we have variety kinds of ceremonies like Yalda night at New Year's Eve, Wednesday bonfire.

✓ In Iran, we have various kinds of ceremonies, like Yalda night, New Year's Eve, and Chaharshanbe Suri (Wednesday fire festival).

'Variety kinds' is incorrect; use 'various kinds' or 'a variety of'. Also list items need commas and 'Wednesday bonfire' is better named and clarified. This improves word choice and parallelism.

× Each of them has their own traditional cakes.

✓ Each of them has its own traditional cakes.

When referring to 'Each' as a singular subject, use singular pronoun 'its' rather than plural 'their' for correct agreement.

× Most women prefer to bake them because we can show our heritage and tradition and culture like gulage, shirmal and variety kinds of vanilla cake.

✓ Most women prefer to bake them because we can show our heritage, traditions, and culture, such as gulage, shirmal, and various types of vanilla cake.

Use 'traditions' plural and 'various types of' instead of 'variety kinds of'. Also add commas and 'such as' to introduce examples.

× Yes, I like to baking a cake.

✓ Yes, I like baking a cake.

After 'like' use the gerund 'baking' or the infinitive 'to bake', but not 'to baking'. Choose 'I like baking a cake' for natural phrasing.

× It helps me to get away from the hustle and bustle of my daily routines and, uh, it can help, uh, producing A joyful atmosphere.

✓ It helps me get away from the hustle and bustle of my daily routine, and it can help produce a joyful atmosphere.

Use 'get' without 'to' after 'helps', singular 'routine' is more natural, and 'help produce' uses the base verb 'produce' after 'help' rather than 'producing'. Also correct capitalization.

× When I invite my friends, family, relatives, uh, over, I make a cake for them and.

✓ When I invite my friends and relatives over, I make a cake for them.

The original ends with an incomplete conjunction 'and.' Remove unnecessary filler, combine 'friends and relatives', and finish the sentence to correct structure.

× When I was a child, I had a sweet tooth.

✓ When I was a child, I had a sweet tooth.

This sentence is already correct; past tense 'had' correctly matches 'When I was a child.' No change needed.

× My peers, siblings, and classmates hang out with each other.

✓ My peers, siblings, and classmates hung out together.

Because this refers to the past ('When I was a child'), use past tense 'hung out'. Also 'together' is more natural than 'with each other' in this context.

× We shared our cake with each other.

✓ We shared our cakes with each other.

If multiple people each had cake, plural 'cakes' is likely; if one cake was shared, 'we shared the cake with each other.' Either adjust article or plurality for clarity.

× We had variety kinds of choices when we went to our grandfather's place because they baked variety kinds.

✓ We had a variety of choices when we went to our grandfather's place because they baked many kinds of cakes.

Use 'a variety of' and 'many kinds of cakes' for correct quantifier usage and clearer meaning.

× Nowadays, since I'm in a diet, I prevent to have desserts after meals, but I like to have them because they can, uh, help, uh, to digestion.

✓ Nowadays, since I'm on a diet, I avoid having desserts after meals, but I like to have them because they can help digestion.

Use 'on a diet' not 'in a diet'; 'avoid having' is correct verb pattern; 'help digestion' uses noun 'digestion' without 'to'. Also remove fillers.

× And lots of articles show that, uh, the influence of dessert after meals, uh, they increase the rate of digestion digest.

✓ Many articles show that the effect of having dessert after meals increases the rate of digestion.

Use 'many' instead of 'lots of' for formal tone, 'the effect' rather than 'the influence of dessert' is clearer, remove redundant pronoun 'they', and correct word order and repetition ('digestion digest' was wrong).