Coins— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문장 구조는 비교적 자연스럽지만 약간 반복적이며 일부 어휘와 문법이 어색합니다. 응답 초반에 직접적으로 질문에 답했으나 추가 설명이 길어지면서 동일한 의미(편리함, 빠름)를 두 번 언급했습니다. 더 간결하게 주제문(직접답변) → 이유(구체적 사례) → 간단한 마무리 순으로 구성하세요. 또한 'pay bus fares' 대신 'pay for the bus' 또는 'pay bus fare' 같은 자연스러운 표현을 사용하고, 불필요한 중복(“convenient and faster than carrying change”)을 줄이면 좋습니다.

例: Yes, I rarely use coins. I usually pay with my phone using Samsung Pay for small purchases or the bus because it is faster and more convenient. For instance, I tap my phone when boarding the bus instead of digging for change.

提案: 답변은 요점(동전이 유용하다는 점)을 말했지만 문장 연결과 어휘 사용에 문제가 있습니다. 'small chains'는 잘못된 표현이며 'small change'가 맞습니다. 문장 흐름에서 'for example' 뒤 사례를 더 구체적으로 연결하고, 대조를 위한 연결어(However, Nowadays)를 적절히 사용하세요. 또한 철자 실수('Co coins')를 피하고 문장을 3~4문장 안으로 간결하게 유지하세요.

例: Coins are sometimes convenient for small payments, for example with vending machines or locker rentals. However, nowadays most people prefer cards or mobile payments because they are quicker and easier to use. I therefore rarely rely on coins myself.

提案: 내용이 구체적이고 개인적인 경험을 잘 담았으나 문법과 어휘의 세부 수정이 필요합니다. 'collected coin' → 'collected coins', 'in a small piggy at bank' → 'in a small piggy bank'. 시제 일관성(과거)을 유지하고 문장 연결을 위해 'so' 같은 간단한 연결어를 쓰면 더 자연스럽습니다. 감정 표현은 좋으니 유지하되 문장 수를 2~3문장으로 정리하세요.

例: Yes, I collected coins when I was a child. I kept them in a small piggy bank and used the money to buy snacks or play arcade games at the mall, so I felt excited and independent.

提案: 응답은 전체적으로 이해되지만 'small chains'와 'rarely get coins' 같은 표현이 부자연스럽습니다. 'used to carry coins'와 'occasionally I still keep a few'의 대조는 좋지만 문장을 더 간결하게 고치고 구체적인 예시(예: street market, parking meter)를 넣어 보세요. 연결어(However, Nowadays, Occasionally)를 명확히 사용하면 논리 흐름이 좋아집니다.

例: I used to carry coins because I sometimes needed small change for buses or vending machines. However, since many shops and public transport accept cards and contactless payments, I rarely carry them now. Occasionally I still bring a few coins for street markets or parking meters.

× I rarely use coins now because most people prefer contactless payments or digital wallets like Samsung Pay.

✓ I rarely use coins now because most people prefer contactless payments or digital wallets such as Samsung Pay.

Replace 'like' with 'such as' when giving an example; this is a style/precision issue rather than strict grammar, but it improves clarity.

× I usually rely on my phone to pay for small purchases or pay bus fares, which is more convenient and faster than carrying change.

✓ I usually rely on my phone to pay for small purchases or bus fares, which is more convenient and faster than carrying change.

Redundant verb 'pay' removed before 'bus fares' to avoid awkward repetition; maintain parallel structure in the noun phrase.

× Coins can be useful for small payments, for example when using vending machines or taking a bus.

✓ Coins can be useful for small payments, for example when using vending machines or taking the bus.

Use the definite article 'the' with 'bus' when referring to a general mode of transportation in this context.

× We often need small chains for fares and or lockers.

✓ We often need small change for fares and lockers.

'Chains' is incorrect; the correct noun is 'change' meaning coins. Remove 'or' because 'fares and lockers' are both objects needing change.

× But nowadays many people prefer card or mobile payments instead of carrying Co coins.

✓ But nowadays many people prefer card or mobile payments instead of carrying coins.

Remove stray capitalized 'Co' which appears to be a typo; no article needed before 'coins' here.

× When I was a child, I collected coin in a small piggy at bank.

✓ When I was a child, I collected coins in a small piggy bank at the bank.

Use plural 'coins' because collecting implies multiple items; 'piggy bank' is the correct compound noun; add 'the' before 'bank' if referencing a specific bank or 'a' if any bank; here 'the bank' fits natural phrasing.

× I saved them to buy snacks or play arcade games at the mall.

✓ I saved them to buy snacks or to play arcade games at the mall.

Add parallel 'to' before the second verb for parallel infinitive structure; original is understandable but parallelism improves grammar.

× I was very happy because having my own money means I could choose what to buy and feel independent.

✓ I was very happy because having my own money meant I could choose what to buy and feel independent.

Maintain past tense consistency: 'was' and 'meant' should both be past tense; 'means' is present and mismatches the time frame.

× I used to carry coins when I went out because I sometimes needed small chains for buses or vending machines, but since most shops and public transport systems now support card and contactless payments, I rarely get coins anymore.

✓ I used to carry coins when I went out because I sometimes needed small change for buses or vending machines, but since most shops and public transport systems now support card and contactless payments, I rarely carry coins anymore.

Replace 'chains' with 'change'; use 'carry' instead of 'get' to express possession when going out. Maintain tense consistency: 'used to' with 'carried' is fine, but the latter clause uses present 'support', so 'rarely carry' fits better than 'get'.

× Occasionally I still keep a few coins in my bag for markets or parking matters.

✓ Occasionally I still keep a few coins in my bag for markets or parking fees.

'Parking matters' is awkward; use 'parking fees' or 'parking meters' depending on meaning. 'Fees' is clearer when referring to payments.