Perfume— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Verbessern Sie die Klarheit und Grammatik, indem Sie vollständige Sätze verwenden und Redundanzen vermeiden. Verwenden Sie spezifischere Beschreibungen und verbinden Sie Ideen logisch.

例: Yes, I love wearing perfume because it expresses who I am and offers different kinds of aromas. For example, my favorite scent reminds me of the cinema.

提案: Verwenden Sie verbindende Wörter, um die Sätze flüssiger zu machen, und vermeiden Sie Füllwörter wie 'uh'. Fügen Sie spezifischere Details hinzu, um die Antwort zu bereichern.

例: Yes, I use perfume every day because I enjoy smelling fresh and pleasant. Moreover, I always carry a small bottle in my bag, which helps me feel confident and comfortable throughout the day.

提案: Verbessern Sie die Satzstruktur und Grammatik. Verwenden Sie klare und präzise Formulierungen und verbinden Sie die Ideen logisch.

例: If I have to buy perfume as a gift, I need to know the person well because I cannot buy it for just anyone. For example, last month I bought my best friend a Dior perfume for her birthday because I knew she liked it.

提案: Verwenden Sie korrekte Präpositionen und Satzstrukturen. Vermeiden Sie Füllwörter und sorgen Sie für klare, zusammenhängende Sätze.

例: It depends on where you buy the perfume. I usually use affordable perfumes from Zara, but I also like expensive brands like Dior or Prada. However, you can find cheaper options as well.

× Yes, I love to wear perfume because they make us who you are and different kind of aromas.

✓ Yes, I love to wear perfume because it makes me who I am and has different kinds of aromas.

The pronoun 'they' incorrectly refers to the singular noun 'perfume'; it should be 'it'. Also, 'different kind of aromas' should be pluralized to 'different kinds of aromas' to match the plural form. Additionally, 'make us who you are' is inconsistent; it should be 'makes me who I am' to maintain subject-pronoun agreement and clarity.

× Umm give us uh, like. What the person is for example, my favorite is like cinema.

✓ Umm, it gives us, like, a sense of what the person is; for example, my favorite is cinema.

The original sentence lacks proper conjunctions and structure, making it unclear. Adding 'it gives us' and proper punctuation clarifies the meaning and connects ideas logically.

× If I have to buy a perfume as a gift I should know this person really great because I can buy for everyone.

✓ If I have to buy a perfume as a gift, I should know this person really well because I cannot buy for everyone.

The phrase 'know this person really great' is incorrect; it should be 'know this person really well' to use the correct adverb. Also, 'I can buy for everyone' contradicts the intended meaning; 'I cannot buy for everyone' fits better. A comma is added after the conditional clause for clarity.

× But for example my best friend had birthday last month and I bought a bought her Dior perfume because I know she likes it.

✓ But for example, my best friend had a birthday last month and I bought her Dior perfume because I know she likes it.

The phrase 'had birthday' is missing the article 'a' before 'birthday'. Also, 'bought a bought her' contains a repeated word; it should be 'bought her'. A comma is added after 'for example' for clarity.

× It depends from where you bought it, but for me I use not too expensive perfume from Zara.

✓ It depends on where you bought it, but for me, I use not too expensive perfume from Zara.

The correct preposition after 'depends' is 'on', not 'from'. A comma is added after 'for me' for better sentence flow.

× Uh but I like also expensive perfume so I think most of them are very expensive like this from Dior or Prada but you can find a cheaper.

✓ Uh, but I also like expensive perfume, so I think most of them are very expensive like those from Dior or Prada, but you can find cheaper ones.

The sentence needs commas to separate clauses properly. 'Like this from Dior or Prada' should be 'like those from Dior or Prada' to refer to plural perfumes. 'You can find a cheaper' is incomplete; it should be 'you can find cheaper ones' to specify the noun.