Perfume— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and directly answer the question, then give one or two clear supporting reasons with correct vocabulary. Avoid unclear or incorrect words and long confusing phrases. Keep it within 3–4 sentences and use linking words such as "however" or "because" to connect ideas.

例: I don't know much about perfumes, so I wouldn't call myself a fan. However, I think a good perfume can boost confidence and make a person seem more attractive because scent affects first impressions.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence saying whether you use perfume daily, then add specific, relevant reasons. Use correct grammar and avoid invented words. Limit to 2–3 supporting points and join them with linking words like "because" or "so".

例: Yes, I use a light perfume every day because it makes me feel more confident and helps me present myself well in public. It also attracts compliments, which boosts my mood.

提案: Answer directly and avoid inappropriate or irrelevant descriptions. Explain the conditions that would make you buy perfume as a gift and give one clear example. Use polite, neutral language and correct vocabulary.

例: I would buy perfume as a gift only for someone I know well because scent is personal. For example, I might choose a classic, well-liked fragrance like Dior Sauvage for my close friend who already prefers strong, fresh scents.

提案: Give a clear opinion and support it with specific examples and comparisons. Use correct idioms and avoid made-up phrases. Mention price ranges or types of perfumes to make your answer more informative and coherent.

例: Yes, many designer perfumes from brands like Chanel are expensive because of the brand name and ingredients. However, there are affordable alternatives and discount stores where you can find pleasant perfumes for a fraction of the price.

× No, I'm not an expert in the world of a perfume, knowing every single religious in Coco Chanel or Savage at the latest pair of fish that have their names attached to a celebrity online.

✓ No, I'm not an expert in the world of perfume, knowing every single release from Chanel or Sauvage or the latest fragrances that have celebrity names attached.

Original uses incorrect articles and many incorrect words (a perfume -> perfume; religious, pair of fish -> release, fragrances). Article 'a' before 'perfume' is unnecessary because 'the world of perfume' is a general concept. Also corrected brand/form names and word choice for clarity.

× But I believe that Ascend makes the men more manly, more handsome and more relatable in conversation.

✓ But I believe that Ascend makes men more manly, more handsome, and more relatable in conversation.

Original has unnecessary definite article 'the' before 'men' and slightly odd phrasing. Remove 'the' and add Oxford comma for parallel adjectives. Ensures proper noun phrase 'makes men' (general statement).

× Actually gives people an edge.

✓ Actually, it gives people an edge.

Sentence lacks a subject. Adding 'it' (referring to perfume) supplies the subject and corrects sentence fragment. Comma improves flow.

× Well me not a day go schwali without me not applying perfect on my body and it gives me an edge in terms of confidence and passion and even patience and making me appear in front of everyone especially in public places.

✓ Well, not a day goes by without me applying perfume to my body; it gives me an edge in confidence, passion, and patience, and helps me feel more present in public places.

Multiple issues: subject-verb agreement ('a day goes by' required), incorrect pronoun/order ('me not' -> 'not a day goes by without me'), wrong verb forms ('applying perfect' -> 'applying perfume'), and run-on sentence. Corrections fix third-person singular agreement and restructure sentence for clarity.

× More appealing and making head turns and making my statement stronger and more bold and helping me to reinstate.

✓ It makes me more appealing, causes heads to turn, strengthens my presence, and helps me to stand out.

Original fragment lacks subject and mixes forms incorrectly. Use full clause with subject 'it' and parallel verb phrases in simple present to match context. 'Reinstate' is incorrect word choice; 'stand out' fits meaning.

× That would be a very sentimental one, because you need to know that individual very deeply and personally in order to make a purchase of a bottle of perfume such as a Dior Sauvage form.

✓ That would be very sentimental, because you need to know the individual very well and personally to buy a bottle of perfume, such as Dior Sauvage.

Unnecessary 'one' and awkward phrasing 'purchase of a bottle' simplified to 'buy a bottle.' 'Know very deeply' -> 'know very well' for natural English. Removed extra word 'form' after Sauvage.

× Someone who is characterized by his handsomeness, his mental illness, and his willingness to help someone who is very signature in terms of what he's doing.

✓ Someone characterized by his handsomeness, strong character, and willingness to help others, with a distinctive personal style.

Original 'mental illness' is inappropriate and likely a wrong word choice; replaced with 'strong character' to convey positive trait. 'Very signature in terms of what he's doing' is awkward; 'distinctive personal style' is clearer. Also adjusted parallel structure.

× They caution arm and a leg for most of those brand names such as Chanel and well, Dodge and cabana.

✓ They cost an arm and a leg for most brand names such as Chanel and Dolce & Gabbana.

'Caution' is wrong word; should be 'cost'. Fixed idiom 'cost an arm and a leg'. Corrected brand name to 'Dolce & Gabbana' and capitalization. Removed extra articles.

× With that being said, there are those that do not cause an arm and they're relatively cheap, especially those that you can score a deal when hanging around in a street market.

✓ With that being said, there are perfumes that do not cost an arm and are relatively cheap, especially those you can find at street markets for a good deal.

Incorrect verb 'cause' should be 'cost'; sentence had awkward relative clauses. Rephrased for natural word order and clarity.

× Boom, you can actually snap a.

✓ Boom, you can actually snap one up.

Original ends abruptly and lacks an object. 'Snap one up' is idiomatic for quickly buying something. Added object to complete the verb phrase.