Computers— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid minor repetition (you said 'for my study' twice). Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific examples and a linking phrase. Vary vocabulary (use 'emails' instead of 'e-mail', 'conduct research' instead of 'online research') and keep within 3–4 sentences.

例: I mainly use a computer for work and study. At work I use spreadsheets and emails to organise data and communicate with colleagues, and for university I use it to conduct online research and write essays because it is faster and more convenient.

提案: Correct tense and small grammar errors (use past tense consistently: 'used', 'typed'). Combine ideas with linking words to improve flow. Add one specific detail to make the answer more vivid (e.g., what you did in the lesson). Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: I first used a computer in primary one during ICT lessons. I remember feeling amazed because it seemed like magic — we learned to type and use a mouse for the first time, which felt new and exciting.

提案: Good clear response and relevant examples. Improve cohesion by adding a linking phrase (e.g., 'for instance' or 'however') and avoid repeating 'more convenient' and 'for reading and quick tasks' too close. You could add a brief comment about limitations without a computer to show balance.

例: My life would remain largely unchanged because I can do most tasks on my smartphone. For instance, I use emails and productivity apps for messaging and documents, and my iPad is often sufficient for reading and quick tasks; however, complex work like spreadsheet analysis would be harder without a computer.

提案: Fix grammar (plural/singular and word order: 'in areas with unstable Wi-Fi', 'many applications', 'video calls become unusable'). Use linking words to explain consequences clearly and provide one concrete example of interruption. Keep it within 2–3 sentences.

例: It is difficult for me to use a computer in areas with unstable Wi‑Fi because many applications and cloud services need an internet connection. For example, I can't access or save files online and video calls become unusable, so meetings and my work are often interrupted.

× The first time I use a computer was in a primary 1 during ICT lessons.

✓ The first time I used a computer was in Primary 1 during ICT lessons.

The sentence mixes present tense 'use' with a past reference 'The first time' and the past copula 'was'. Use the simple past 'used' to match the past time frame. Also capitalize 'Primary' as a proper noun when referring to a school year level.

× I remember feeling amazed because it seems like a magic.

✓ I remember feeling amazed because it seemed like magic.

The clause refers to a past feeling, so verb tense should be past: 'seemed' instead of 'seems'. Also, 'magic' as an uncountable noun does not take the indefinite article 'a', so remove 'a'.

× I had never type or used a mouse before so everything felt new and exciting.

✓ I had never typed or used a mouse before, so everything felt new and exciting.

After 'had never' (past perfect) the verb needs the past participle form 'typed' rather than the base form 'type'. Also add a comma before 'so' to separate clauses.

× My life would remain largely unchanged because I can do most of my job on my smartphone.

✓ My life would remain largely unchanged because I could do most of my job on my smartphone.

The sentence expresses a hypothetical scenario ('My life would...'), so the subordinate clause should use a conditional modal 'could' to match the hypothetical tone rather than the factual present 'can'.

× Using a computer is difficult for me in area with unstable Wi-Fi because many application and cloud services require an Internet connection.

✓ Using a computer is difficult for me in areas with unstable Wi-Fi because many applications and cloud services require an Internet connection.

Use the plural 'areas' to match the general statement and pluralize 'applications' to agree with 'many'. Also 'Internet' is capitalized; retain 'an' before 'Internet connection' as correct.

× For example, I can't save or access files online and video calls because unusable, so my work is often interrupted.

✓ For example, I can't save or access files online, and video calls become unusable, so my work is often interrupted.

The original sentence is missing a clear verb for 'video calls' and has awkward structure. Add a verb 'become' to indicate that video calls turn unusable. Insert a comma to separate clauses and improve flow.