Swimming— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is generally clear but could be more natural and concise. Avoid redundancy such as "I as I am" and "not only physical means also too." Also, try to structure your answer with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details using linking words for coherence.

例: Yes, I like swimming a lot. Since I'm training for a triathlon, I often swim in pools or the sea. I find it very beneficial not only for physical health but also for mental well-being.

提案: Your answer addresses the question but contains some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Try to use clearer sentence structures and linking words to improve coherence. Also, be more specific about why learning as a child is easier.

例: I don't think swimming is very difficult to learn. However, it's easier to learn as a child because adults often have more fear of water, which can make learning more challenging.

提案: Your answer is somewhat unclear and includes hesitations. Try to answer directly with a clear topic sentence and provide specific supporting details. Avoid filler words like "umm" and clarify the locations you mention.

例: In my country, especially in Majorca and Barcelona, people prefer swimming at the beaches. It's very popular because swimming there helps people relax and enjoy nature.

提案: Your answer is good but could be improved by correcting minor grammatical errors and using linking words to connect ideas smoothly. Also, try to avoid informal phrases like "it hits different" and replace them with more formal expressions.

例: Swimming in the pool is mainly for training and improving physical health. In contrast, swimming in the sea is more about relaxation and socializing with friends. Being in contact with nature also has a positive effect on both the body and mind.

× I as I am training for triathlon I often go to a swimming pool or the sea to do swimming lessons and I think it's really beneficial for health, not only physical means also too.

✓ As I am training for a triathlon, I often go to a swimming pool or the sea to take swimming lessons, and I think it's really beneficial for health, not only physically but also in other ways.

The original sentence has awkward phrasing and incorrect use of 'do swimming lessons'. The phrase 'do swimming lessons' should be 'take swimming lessons'. Also, 'not only physical means also too' is incorrect; it should be 'not only physically but also in other ways' to correctly express the idea. Additionally, 'I as I am training' is redundant; 'As I am training' is sufficient.

× I wouldn't say so, but maybe if you learn it from for as a child it is better because when you became an adult maybe you are more afraid of the sea or the water rather than a child.

✓ I wouldn't say so, but maybe if you learn it as a child it is better because when you become an adult you may be more afraid of the sea or the water than a child.

The sentence incorrectly uses 'became' (past tense) where present tense 'become' is needed to maintain consistency. Also, 'learn it from for as a child' is incorrect; it should be 'learn it as a child'. 'Maybe you are more afraid' is better expressed as 'you may be more afraid'. 'Rather than a child' should be 'than a child' for correct comparison.

× They live in Majorca, well in Barcelona, but I'm from Majorca, umm.

✓ They live in Majorca, well, in Barcelona, but I'm from Majorca.

The sentence is mostly correct but the phrase 'well in Barcelona' is confusing and needs commas for clarity. No plural or singular error here, but punctuation improves clarity.

× They love to go to the beaches that we have.

✓ They love to go to the beaches we have.

The phrase 'the beaches that we have' is correct but can be simplified by omitting 'that'. No preposition error here, but simplification improves fluency.

× It's really common because I think it helps a lot for you to get relaxed.

✓ It's really common because I think it helps you to relax a lot.

The phrase 'helps a lot for you to get relaxed' is awkward. The correct form is 'helps you to relax a lot'. 'Get relaxed' is less natural than 'relax' in this context.

× Well, I think that's completely different because swimming in the pool, it's more like a training and it's you do it for your physical health.

✓ Well, I think that's completely different because swimming in the pool is more like training and you do it for your physical health.

The phrase 'a training' is incorrect; 'training' is an uncountable noun and does not need an article. Also, 'it's you do it' is incorrect; it should be 'you do it' without 'it's'.

× Meanwhile, if you go to the sea, it's more to just enjoy, get relaxed and maybe go with your friends.

✓ Meanwhile, if you go to the sea, it's more to just enjoy, relax, and maybe go with your friends.

The phrase 'get relaxed' should be 'relax' to maintain parallel structure with 'enjoy' and 'go'. Also, commas are needed before 'and' in a list for clarity.

× And when you are in conta, in contact with nature, it hits different to your body and mind.

✓ And when you are in contact with nature, it affects your body and mind differently.

The phrase 'it hits different to your body and mind' is incorrect. The correct expression is 'it affects your body and mind differently'. Also, 'in conta' is a typo and should be 'in contact'.