Swimming— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct small grammar mistakes; start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting reasons using linking words. Avoid repetition (e.g., ‘in the water’ and ‘at sea’ twice) and refine vocabulary (use ‘indoor pools’ smell is ‘chlorine’). Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: I don't really like swimming. I'm not a confident swimmer because I've never learned properly and I feel anxious in deep water, which makes me short of breath. Also, I dislike the strong smell of chlorine in indoor pools, so I usually do other exercises such as walking or cycling.

提案: Clarify and correct unclear phrases (e.g., ‘I often seek’ is incorrect). Give a short topic sentence, explain why with clear reasons, and finish with a concise recommendation using linking words. Use specific example of what helps (breathing drills, instructor feedback).

例: Yes, learning to swim can be difficult because it requires good breath control and body coordination. If you tense up, you struggle to breathe rhythmically, so beginners benefit from simple breathing drills and regular lessons with an instructor to build confidence and technique.

提案: Fix grammar and word choice (e.g., ‘this managed facilities’ → ‘these managed facilities’; ‘tours’ → ‘pools’). Begin with a clear topic sentence, then provide two specific reasons with linking words. Mention regional variations briefly if relevant.

例: In China, many people prefer indoor public swimming pools. These managed facilities are generally cleaner and safer, with regular water-quality checks and lifeguards on duty, whereas sea swimming is less predictable because of currents and water conditions.

提案: Correct vocabulary mistakes (‘tips’ → ‘depths’; ‘Clearwater’ → ‘clear water’). Start with a clear contrast sentence, use linking words (whereas, however), and give specific examples of unpredictability (tides, currents, waves) and control measures in pools (marked lanes, lifeguards). Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: The main difference is unpredictability versus control. The sea is deeper and affected by tides, currents and waves, so conditions can change quickly; whereas pools are shallower and more controlled, with marked lanes, clear water and lifeguards on duty.

× I often seek if I don't relax and focus on my technique, so regular practice and lessons really help overcome that.

✓ I often sink if I don't relax and focus on my technique, so regular practice and lessons really help me overcome that.

The original sentence uses 'seek', which is incorrect in context. The student likely intended 'sink' (verb + base form) to describe going under water when not relaxed. Also add the object 'me' after 'help' for clarity: 'help me overcome that'. Ensure verbs follow correct form and collocation.

× because this managed facilities are cleaner and safer.

✓ because these managed facilities are cleaner and safer.

The phrase uses the singular demonstrative 'this' with plural noun 'facilities'. Change to the plural demonstrative 'these' to match number agreement between determiner and noun (article/demonstrative usage).

× Tours are regularly monitored for water quality and have lifeguards on duty, whereas swimming at the sea can be less predictable.

✓ Pools are regularly monitored for water quality and have lifeguards on duty, whereas swimming at sea can be less predictable.

'Tours' is incorrect here; context requires 'pools'. Also 'swimming at the sea' is unidiomatic; use 'swimming at sea' or 'swimming in the sea'. Correct noun choice and preposition use for natural phrasing.

× I think the main difference is the tips and predictability.

✓ I think the main difference is the depth and predictability.

The word 'tips' is incorrect in this context; the speaker likely meant 'depth'. Replace with the adjective 'depth' (noun) to contrast with 'predictability'. Ensure appropriate vocabulary to express intended meaning.

× whereas swimming in a pool is shallower and more controlled with Clearwater and lifeguards around.

✓ whereas swimming in a pool is shallower and more controlled with clear water and lifeguards around.

'Clearwater' is a compound noun usually capitalized only in proper names; here the correct phrase is 'clear water' (two words). Use lower-case and separate words to describe the water quality. Also ensure consistency in adjective usage.