Swimming— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve clarity and grammar, reduce hesitation and redundancy, and organize into a clear topic sentence plus 1-2 supporting details. Use correct articles and verb forms, avoid filler sounds (uh, um). Keep answer to no more than 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoy swimming. It’s one of my favorite sports and I try to swim every day during the summer because it keeps me fit and relaxed.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence and use clearer grammar and linking words. Replace vague phrases with specific timeline or examples. Remove fillers and avoid repetition. Use comparative forms correctly (easier) and correct plural/possessive forms (everyone).

例: At first, learning to swim can be difficult, but with regular practice it becomes easier. For example, after a few weeks of lessons most people can float and swim short distances confidently.

提案: Structure your answer with a clear topic sentence naming common locations. Use correct place names and vocabulary (beach, coast, resort) and avoid unclear phrases. Provide one specific example and a brief reason why people choose that place.

例: People in Turkey usually go to the beach or to hotel pools to swim. For example, Antalya on the Mediterranean coast is very popular in summer because it has warm water and sandy beaches.

提案: Start with a clear comparative statement and use specific contrasting points with linking words (whereas, while, because). Avoid vague language and fillers. Mention safety, water conditions, and comfort as differences.

例: Swimming in the sea is generally deeper and can be rougher because of waves and currents, whereas swimming in a pool is calmer and safer. For instance, pools are chlorinated and have lanes, so they are better for training.

× Yes, I do because swimming is the one of the my uh, favorite sports and every summer at least I'm trying to swim a lot and trying to swim to everyday because it's really good sport and really enjoy.

✓ Yes, I do because swimming is one of my favorite sports and every summer I try to swim a lot, even every day, because it's a really good sport and I really enjoy it.

Multiple article and determiner errors: 'the one of the my' is incorrect; correct phrase is 'one of my'. Remove unnecessary articles and fill missing article before 'really good sport' with 'a'. Verb forms: change 'I'm trying to swim' to simple present 'I try to swim' to match habitual action. Add pronoun 'it' after 'enjoy'. Suggestions: use 'one of my favorite', use simple present for habits, include required articles and object pronouns.

× First times actually yes it is hard but then umm then when you train and try to swim and it is more easier today by day so you can improve your swim day by day.

✓ At first, yes, it is hard, but when you train and try to swim, it becomes easier day by day, so you can improve your swimming.

Tense and comparative errors: 'First times' should be 'At first'. 'It is more easier' is incorrect comparative; use 'easier' (not 'more easier'). Use present simple or present tense progression: 'it becomes easier day by day'. Replace noun 'swim' with gerund 'swimming' after 'improve'. Suggestions: use 'At first', avoid double comparatives, and use gerund after 'improve'.

× But of course everyones need to try.

✓ But of course everyone needs to try.

Subject-verb agreement and word form: 'everyones' is incorrect plural; use 'everyone' (singular), so verb must be 'needs' not 'need'. Suggestion: use 'everyone needs' for correct agreement.

× In Turkey, out of uh, place to swim, uh, cherry for example, in Antalya boardroom there there is most favorite place to swim in Turkey, especially in summer.

✓ In Turkey, popular places to swim include Çiriş for example; in Antalya, the beaches are the most popular places to swim, especially in summer.

Preposition and phrasing errors: 'out of place to swim' is unclear; use 'popular places to swim include'. 'antala boardroom' seems wrong—interpreted as 'Antalya beaches'. Missing definite article with 'most favorite place' should be 'the most popular places' or 'the most popular place'. Suggestion: use 'include' for examples, 'in Antalya' and 'the most popular places to swim'.

× Also people can swim in Pool everywhere. I can say these ones.

✓ Also, people can swim in pools everywhere. I can say those places.

Article and count noun errors: 'Pool' should be plural 'pools' or 'a pool' and not capitalized. 'everywhere' fits with plural. 'these ones' is informal and vague; 'those places' is clearer. Suggestion: use lowercase and plural for general places, and replace 'these ones' with 'those places' or 'them'.

× I think this is the difference, umm, swimming in the sea. It's more deep, I think, and there may be, uh, there are some fish in the sea, that's normal.

✓ I think the difference is swimming in the sea: it's deeper, and there may be some fish in the sea, which is normal.

Adjective vs adverb and comparative: 'more deep' is incorrect; use comparative adjective 'deeper'. Simplify 'there may be, uh, there are some fish' to 'there may be some fish' or 'there are some fish'. Suggestion: use comparative form 'deeper' and avoid redundant phrases.

× But in Pool this is more relaxed and easy, I think to swim instead of.

✓ But swimming in a pool is more relaxed and easier, I think.

Tense and article errors: 'in Pool' should be 'in a pool' or 'in pools'. 'more relaxed and easy' mixes structures; use 'more relaxed and easier' or 'more relaxing and easier'. Remove trailing 'instead of' which is incomplete. Suggestion: use correct article and parallel adjectives: 'more relaxed and easier' or 'more relaxing and easier'.