Watch— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cevabınızda daha doğal ve akıcı ifadeler kullanmalısınız. Cümlelerinizde gereksiz tekrarlar var ve anlamı net ifade etmek için daha açık ve düzenli cümleler kurmalısınız. Ayrıca, cümlelerinizde bağlaçlar kullanarak düşüncelerinizi daha tutarlı hale getirebilirsiniz.

例: Yes, I wear an Apple Watch 44mm. I bought it a while ago for about 10,000 units, and now its price has increased to 12,000. I also keep it updated regularly.

提案: Cümlenizi daha açık ve anlaşılır hale getirmek için yapıyı basitleştirin ve gereksiz tekrarları kaldırın. Ayrıca, detay verirken daha spesifik olun ve bağlaçlar kullanarak cümlenizi akıcı yapın.

例: Yes, I received a metal watch as a gift on my 17th birthday. It cost around 250 units. Honestly, I didn't like it very much because it didn't suit my style.

提案: Cevabınızı daha net ve mantıklı hale getirmek için düşüncelerinizi düzenleyin ve bağlaçlar kullanarak cümlelerinizi birbirine bağlayın. Ayrıca, kelime seçiminizi geliştirerek daha uygun ifadeler kullanabilirsiniz.

例: I think some people wear expensive watches for aesthetic reasons or to show their wealth. For example, I bought my watch as a symbol of my success.

提案: Cümlenizi daha akıcı ve mantıklı yapmak için bağlaçlar kullanın ve ifadelerinizi daha net hale getirin. Ayrıca, tarihleri belirtirken daha doğru ve açık ifadeler kullanmalısınız.

例: I don't think wearing a watch is important because many people cannot afford one, and nowadays, we can easily check the time on our phones. We live in the 2020s, not the 1990s.

× Yes, I wear a Apple Watch 44mm and I updated.

✓ Yes, I wear an Apple Watch 44mm and I updated it.

The sentence lacks the object for the verb 'updated'. Adding 'it' clarifies what was updated. Also, 'a Apple' should be 'an Apple' due to vowel sound at the beginning of 'Apple'.

× I bought. I bought when it was 10 grand.

✓ I bought it when it was 10 grand.

The sentence is incomplete without the object 'it' after 'bought'. Adding 'it' completes the sentence meaningfully.

× It's right now 12 grand.

✓ Right now, it's 12 grand.

The adverbial phrase 'right now' should be placed at the beginning or middle of the sentence for natural English word order.

× Yes, actually they got me a watch when I was 17 in my birthday and they are and the watch was metal and the price is around 2:20 or 50 around.

✓ Yes, actually they got me a watch when I was 17 on my birthday. The watch was metal and the price was around 220 or 250.

'In my birthday' should be 'on my birthday' (preposition correction). 'They are' is unnecessary and confusing here. The price should be in past tense 'was' to match the past event. Also, numbers should be clear and consistent.

× when I was 17 in my birthday

✓ when I was 17 on my birthday

The correct preposition to use with 'birthday' is 'on', not 'in'.

× Actually it not good but maybe I can say that like it's not good for me.

✓ Actually, it is not good, but maybe I can say that it's not good for me.

The verb 'is' is missing after 'it'. Also, 'like' is unnecessary and can be removed for clarity.

× Maybe the price, maybe they trying to show your show showing they are rich and I bought the this watch as a my richness statue.

✓ Maybe the price, maybe they are trying to show that they are rich, and I bought this watch as a symbol of my wealth.

'They trying' should be 'they are trying' (missing auxiliary verb). 'Your show showing' is incorrect and confusing; corrected to 'show that they are rich'. 'The this watch' is incorrect; 'this watch' is sufficient. 'Richness statue' is not idiomatic; 'symbol of my wealth' is clearer.

× Maybe they trying to show your show showing they are rich

✓ Maybe they are trying to show that they are rich

Incorrect pronouns and verb forms used. 'Your show showing' is incorrect; it should be 'that they are' to refer to the subject 'they'.

× I bought the this watch as a my richness statue.

✓ I bought this watch as a symbol of my wealth.

'The this' is redundant; only 'this' is needed. 'A my' is incorrect; possessive pronouns do not combine with articles. 'Richness statue' is not a correct phrase; 'symbol of my wealth' is more appropriate.

× Actually I don't think so because some people cannot buy a watch and you can see the time in your phone, so I don't think you need a watch anymore.

✓ Actually, I don't think so because some people cannot buy a watch, and you can see the time on your phone, so I don't think you need a watch anymore.

Missing comma after 'Actually'. Preposition 'in' should be 'on' when referring to 'phone' screen.

× you can see the time in your phone

✓ you can see the time on your phone

The correct preposition to use with 'phone' in this context is 'on', not 'in'.

× We don't live in 20, we live in 20s, not 90s.

✓ We don't live in the 20th century; we live in the 2020s, not the 1990s.

The phrase 'in 20' is unclear and incorrect. The correct way to refer to decades is 'the 2020s' and 'the 1990s' with the definite article 'the'.