Watch— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar; start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (umm), use correct verb forms and plural/singular agreement, and add one specific example of a notification to enrich your answer. Keep to 2–4 sentences and use a linking word for coherence.

例: Yes, I often wear an Apple Watch because it connects to my iPhone and displays many notifications. For example, it alerts me to messages and calendar events, which helps me stay organized when I am busy.

提案: Eliminate repetitions and filler words, correct tense and possessive errors, and organize the answer with a clear topic sentence followed by one specific detail about the gift (who gave it, when, and what the card said).

例: Yes. When I graduated from high school and started university, my aunt gave me a watch as a graduation present. She also included a small card that said, “Congratulations and good luck at university,” which made the gift very meaningful.

提案: Clarify the idea and use accurate vocabulary (e.g., 'symbolic' and 'social status'), avoid repetition and fillers, and expand slightly with a reason or contrast. Use linking words like 'because' or 'for example' to connect ideas.

例: Many people wear expensive watches as a status symbol because they want to show wealth and success. For example, luxury watches can signal that someone has achieved a high social and professional position.

提案: Correct factual language and reduce repetition and filler words. Begin with a clear opinion, then give one or two concise reasons with specific examples (e.g., phones, smart devices). Avoid incorrect phrases like 'watch the tie' — use 'tell the time'.

例: I don't think wearing a watch is essential today because most people check the time on their phones or computers. However, some people still prefer watches for convenience or fashion, such as when their phone is not accessible.

× Yes, I often wear a watch umm which is made from Apple because it can connect with my iPhone and it can shows a lot of notifications.

✓ Yes, I often wear a watch, umm, which is made by Apple because it can connect with my iPhone and it can show a lot of notifications.

Use 'made by' for the maker (preposition issue: ID 11) and the verb after 'can' must be in base form (modal verb usage: ID 4). 'Shows' is incorrect after 'can'; use 'show'. Improve punctuation for clarity.

× So I think watch it is pretty important for me, especially a smart watch, it can not only show the time, but also shows some notification.

✓ So I think a watch is pretty important for me, especially a smartwatch; it can not only show the time but also show notifications.

Incorrect word order and article use ('watch it is' should be 'a watch is') (Sentence structure: ID 26; Article errors: ID 22). Also 'shows' after 'can' should be base form 'show' (Modal verb usage: ID 4). Use plural 'notifications' for countable items (Singular and plural issue: ID 1). Use 'smartwatch' as one word or hyphenated for clarity.

× Yes, when I was when I graduated from high school and entering to university, my aunt's umm gave me a watch as a gift and actually they wrote a little cards umm beside it and say congratulations, you're umm going to the university.

✓ Yes, when I graduated from high school and entered university, my aunt gave me a watch as a gift and actually she wrote a little card beside it and wrote 'Congratulations, you're going to university.'

Remove redundant 'was when' and use simple past consistently ('graduated', 'entered') (Past tense issue: ID 5). 'Aunt's' is incorrect possessive; should be 'aunt' (Pronoun/possessive error: ID 12). Use singular 'card' with singular 'aunt'. Use past tense 'wrote' for both actions. Use appropriate punctuation and reported text formatting. 'Entering to university' is incorrect preposition; use 'entered university' (Preposition issue: ID 11).

× I think we're in a expensive watch is is a, umm, symbolic method for them because they earn a lot of money and they are a have a very good social economy status.

✓ I think an expensive watch is, umm, a symbol for them because they earn a lot of money and they have a very good socioeconomic status.

Use 'an' before vowel sound 'expensive' (Article errors: ID 22). Remove extraneous words ('we're in a', duplicate 'is is', 'a have a'). 'Symbolic method' is unnatural; use 'symbol'. 'Social economy status' should be 'socioeconomic status' (word choice/adjective: ID 13).

× So that is a symbol of them.

✓ So that is a symbol of their success.

'A symbol of them' is awkward; the intended meaning is possession or characteristic (Sentence structure: ID 26). Use 'a symbol of their success' for clarity and natural collocation.

× I think in this modern world it is not very important to wear a watch because umm, the original, original purpose to wear a watch is to watch the tie.

✓ I think in this modern world it is not very important to wear a watch because, umm, the original purpose of wearing a watch is to tell the time.

Use 'purpose of' and gerund 'wearing' (Verb + -ing form: ID 8 and Preposition issue: ID 11). 'Watch the tie' is incorrect vocabulary; correct phrase is 'tell the time' (Word choice/adjective: ID 13).

× But nowadays you can umm, check the time on your phone, on your computer, so it is not really important anymore.

✓ But nowadays you can, umm, check the time on your phone or on your computer, so it is not really important anymore.

This sentence is mostly correct but replace the comma-separated list with 'or' for better coordination (Incorrect conjunction use: ID 16). Maintain present tense 'can check' (Modal verb usage: ID 4).