Holidays— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid fillers (uh). Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail. Limit to 2–3 sentences to sound natural.

例: I went to Bangkok for my sister’s destination wedding. The ceremonies were beautiful and we enjoyed exploring the city’s temples and street food, which made the trip unforgettable.

提案: Avoid vague phrases like “you know” and reduce redundancy. Give one or two specific reasons with a linking word (for example, because or and). Keep it within 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I really enjoy holidays because they give me time to relax and reconnect with family. For example, I often watch films together and take short trips to nearby places to recharge.

提案: Remove hesitations and repeat words. State your choice directly, then give a precise reason using a linking word (because/so). Provide one specific detail about December that you enjoy.

例: I prefer the December holidays because of Christmas and New Year. I especially enjoy the festive atmosphere and family gatherings, and we always exchange gifts and have a special dinner.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence and avoid filler words. Use linking words to connect activities and give one specific example (where or what food). Limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: On holidays I usually travel with family or friends to explore new places and try local food. For instance, last holiday we visited a coastal town and spent afternoons sampling seafood and watching movies in the evenings.

提案: Remove fillers and informal phrases like “you know” and “kinda.” Give a clear reason and one concrete example of a home activity. Keep sentence count under three.

例: Yes, I enjoy staying at home because it lets me rest and do hobbies I enjoy. For example, I often sleep in, read a book, and cook a simple meal for myself.

提案: Choose one option directly, avoid contradictions (exciting vs chill), and explain with a clear reason and a specific example. Use linking words like because or for example.

例: I prefer an exciting holiday because I like activities and socializing. For example, I enjoy city breaks with busy markets, live music, and group outings where we can laugh and try new things.

× I went to, uh, Bangkok.

✓ I went to Bangkok.

The filler 'uh' interrupts the sentence flow and is unnecessary in written form. Remove disfluency to produce a grammatically correct, concise sentence.

× It was my sister's destination wedding and we had a lot of fun and it was such a beautiful memory.

✓ It was my sister's destination wedding; we had a lot of fun, and it became a very beautiful memory.

Run-on sentence with multiple 'and' connectors makes structure awkward. Use a semicolon or split into two sentences and adjust verb phrase for clarity ('became a very beautiful memory').

× I love holidays because that's the time you can relax, watch movies and, you know, spend quality time with your family.

✓ I love holidays because that's the time you can relax, watch movies, and spend quality time with your family.

Parallel verb forms require commas and consistent structure. Remove filler and ensure the list uses commas and 'and' before final item for clear parallelism.

× And with this you can also go for trips and spend your vacations in a productive way.

✓ You can also take trips and spend your vacations in a productive way.

Beginning a sentence with 'And' is informal; 'go for trips' is nonstandard — use 'take trips'. Simplify structure to fit written grammar.

× That's it.

✓ That's all.

'That's it' is informal and can be left, but 'That's all' is a clearer ending in this context. This is style more than strict grammar, but improves naturalness.

× I like umm. I, I like all holidays, umm, but I think that December holidays are the best because you know, you have Christmas, you have New Year, so you know that that's because I love December holiday.

✓ I like — I like all holidays, but I think December holidays are the best because you have Christmas and New Year; I especially love the December holidays.

Redundant fillers and repetition create unclear pronoun/phrase usage. 'December holiday' should be plural 'December holidays'. Rephrase to remove filler and clarify meaning.

× Well, I go somewhere to enjoy with my family or friends and I explore places, food and I spend time watching movies.

✓ Well, I go somewhere to enjoy myself with my family or friends; I explore places and food, and I spend time watching movies.

Add reflexive pronoun 'myself' after 'enjoy' and improve parallel structure. Use punctuation to separate ideas and ensure verbs in the list are parallel.

× I love spending day at home as well because you know when you take a good sleep, relax, uh, do activities that you like it, it kinda is a best day.

✓ I love spending a day at home as well because when you get a good sleep, relax, and do activities you like, it kind of is the best day.

Missing article 'a' before 'day'; 'take a good sleep' is nonnative — use 'get a good sleep' or 'sleep well'. Remove filler and correct pronoun/reference 'it kinda is a best day' to 'it kind of is the best day', adding 'the' for specificity.

× When I prefer, umm, what?

✓ Which do I prefer?

Fragment and disfluent response; rephrase into a complete interrogative if the student is asking for clarification. As an answer, better to request clarification politely: 'Could you repeat the question, please?'

× I prefer exciting holiday because that's the time you can chill, uh, you know, laugh loud.

✓ I prefer an exciting holiday because that's when you can relax and laugh loudly.

Missing article 'an' before 'exciting holiday'. 'Chill' is informal; in written grammar use 'relax'. 'Laugh loud' should be adverb 'laugh loudly'. Also 'that's the time' -> 'that's when' is more natural.

× So exciting holiday would be something if feels like my vibe.

✓ So an exciting holiday is more my vibe.

Awkward and ungrammatical clause 'something if feels like my vibe'. Use a concise subject-predicate structure: 'an exciting holiday is more my vibe'. Add article 'an' and correct verb agreement and word order.