Gifts— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to make your answer more concise and avoid redundancy. Start with a clear topic sentence and then add one or two specific reasons or examples. Use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly.

例: Yes, I consider myself a good gift giver because I enjoy making people feel happy and appreciated. For instance, I always try to choose gifts that surprise and delight the recipient.

提案: Avoid hesitation and repetition. Organize your answer clearly by stating the occasions first, then giving examples. Use linking words like 'for example' or 'however' to improve coherence.

例: I usually give gifts on special occasions like birthdays and holidays. However, for my closest friends and family, I sometimes give gifts unexpectedly to show my appreciation.

提案: Clarify your ideas and avoid vague expressions like 'and 10 more.' Provide specific details about how you choose gifts and use linking words to connect your points.

例: When choosing a gift, I carefully consider the person's interests and hobbies. For example, if someone enjoys painting, I might give them art supplies to support their passion.

提案: Your answer is good but can be improved by making it more concise and using linking words to connect ideas. Also, avoid repeating 'and then' multiple times.

例: Yes, I once made a handmade gift for a friend moving to the US. I created a collage of our photos on chart paper and added meaningful Bible verses, which made the gift very special.

提案: Try to express your opinion clearly and avoid grammatical errors. Use linking words to compare ideas and provide reasons for your opinion.

例: No, I don't think expensive gifts express feelings better. In my opinion, handmade gifts show more love because they require time and effort, which means more than money.

× For example to my closest friends and family I give them occasionally or when they least expect it, but when?

✓ For example, to my closest friends and family, I give them gifts occasionally or when they least expect it.

The original sentence has a confusing structure and an incomplete phrase 'but when?'. Adding commas improves clarity and removing 'but when?' corrects the sentence structure.

× maybe on their special occasions occasions.

✓ maybe on their special occasions.

The word 'occasions' is repeated unnecessarily. Removing the duplicate corrects the plural usage.

× I believe what makes me a unique gift giver is that I study people closely on what their actual interests and hobbies are and I just really put into thought and how I can give them a gift where they can express their hobbies and 10 more.

✓ I believe what makes me a unique gift giver is that I study people closely to understand their actual interests and hobbies, and I really think about how I can give them a gift that allows them to express their hobbies and more.

The original sentence is awkward and unclear. Changing 'on what' to 'to understand', removing 'just', and rephrasing improves clarity and sentence structure.

× I glued them on to a chart paper and then I just wrote down Bible verses and I gave it to her, which has more meaning than jewelry.

✓ I glued them onto a chart paper, then I wrote down Bible verses and gave it to her, which has more meaning than jewelry.

The preposition 'onto' is more appropriate than 'on to' in this context. Also, removing unnecessary words improves sentence flow.

× A gift that is that you put your heart into doing.

✓ A gift that you put your heart into making.

The original sentence is incomplete and awkward. Replacing 'doing' with 'making' and removing the extra 'that is' corrects the sentence.

× Maybe handmade gifts express my love and feelings more than expensive gifts.

✓ Maybe handmade gifts express my love and feelings better than expensive gifts.

Using 'better than' is more appropriate for comparison here, improving sentence clarity.

× As much as you do spend a lot of money on that gift, I believe a gift that is cheap and you put your heart into, it's more good.

✓ Even if you spend a lot of money on a gift, I believe a gift that is inexpensive and that you put your heart into is better.

The original sentence has awkward phrasing and incorrect word order. Rephrasing improves clarity and grammatical correctness.