History— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence stating whether you have studied history, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid grammatical errors and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'I haven't studied much history' rather than 'I haven't started any specific history'). Use linking words like 'for example' to connect details.

例: I haven't studied much formal history, but I plan to soon. For example, I'm interested in the history of the Romanian Empire because I’ve seen several films about it that sparked my curiosity.

提案: Give a clear, structured answer: state one or two main methods and add a brief reason or example. Remove filler words ('uh', 'maybe') and correct unclear phrases (what are 'early churches'?). Use linking words like 'also' or 'in addition' for coherence.

例: I usually learn history through online courses and by reading books. In addition, I sometimes ask university friends who study history for recommendations and guidance on reliable sources.

提案: Be concise and give specific benefits. Start with a clear topic sentence (e.g., 'Learning history is important because...'), then list one or two concrete benefits with brief explanations. Avoid vague references and filler words.

例: Learning history helps us understand past mistakes and achievements, so we can make better decisions today. For example, studying past economic crises can help governments create policies that prevent similar problems.

提案: Answer directly and support with a specific reason and example. Correct grammar (e.g., 'we won't learn from past mistakes' and 'these lessons help us now and in the future'). Keep it to one to three sentences and use linking words like 'because' or 'so'.

例: Yes, I think learning history is very important because it teaches us from past mistakes. For instance, by studying past conflicts, societies can adopt policies that reduce the chance of repeating those mistakes.

× Well, I haven't started any specific history but I do love to do that very soon, especially to read and study about the history of the Romanian Empire as I have watched many movies around about this empire which is very impressed.

✓ Well, I haven't studied any specific period of history yet, but I would like to do that soon, especially to read and study the history of the Roman Empire because I have watched many films about this empire that impressed me.

The original mixes present perfect and simple forms awkwardly and uses incorrect phrases ('specific history', 'watch movies around about', 'which is very impressed'). Use 'haven't studied' or 'haven't started studying' for the activity; 'yet' fits with 'haven't'. Replace 'do that' with 'study that' or 'do that soon' clarified with 'would like'. 'Roman Empire' is the correct name. Use 'films about this empire that impressed me' instead of passive 'which is very impressed'. Improve word choice and sentence order for clarity.

× I can learn these stories through some online courses maybe, and also I can do, uh, ask some friends who are attending early churches at the university to ask their help so they can instruct me about the best ways to get in the.

✓ I can learn these stories through online courses, and I can also ask some friends at university who attend history-related clubs for help so they can tell me the best ways to get started.

The sentence uses inappropriate phrases ('attending early churches', 'ask their help', 'get in the') and has awkward verb constructions. Use 'ask some friends' (not 'do ask') and 'ask for their help' or 'ask them for help'. 'Attending early churches' is likely a misunderstanding; 'attend history-related clubs' or 'attend history classes' fits better. End with 'get started' to complete the thought. Also remove filler words for clarity.

× Well, that is a very impressive question because the answer is coming from a scene in Arabic, which is, uh, whenever you don't have a history, you have no present, no future. So of course, absolutely.

✓ That is a very interesting question. There is an Arabic proverb that says, 'If you have no history, you have no present and no future.' So, of course, I agree.

Original has awkward phrasing ('answer is coming from a scene in Arabic') and redundancy ('So of course, absolutely'). Clarify by stating 'an Arabic proverb' and use correct reported quotation. Use 'interesting' instead of 'impressive' for questions and finish with a clear agreement phrase.

× It is it's very important to learn history, otherwise we won't have learned from the mistakes we have done in past so they can be umm, learned lessons in present or future so.

✓ It is very important to learn history; otherwise, we will not learn from the mistakes we made in the past, and those can become lessons for the present and the future.

Original mixes tenses and uses incorrect auxiliary forms ('won't have learned', 'we have done in past'). Use simple past 'mistakes we made in the past' and future 'we will not learn' for the consequence. Replace 'they can be learned lessons in present or future' with 'those can become lessons for the present and the future' for clarity and correct noun reference.