Money— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to avoid filler words like 'uh' and keep your answer concise and clear. Start with a direct response, then add specific supporting details using linking words to make your answer coherent. For example, mention the reason for borrowing money, what kind of business you started, and the outcome briefly.

例: Yes, I borrowed money from my mother when I was in college because I wanted to start a small cosmetics business. Since I have always been interested in business and earning side income, this opportunity excited me. Fortunately, the business did well and helped me gain valuable experience.

提案: Your answer should be clearer and more structured. Avoid unclear phrases like 'it came about as a big health'. Use linking words to connect ideas logically and provide specific details about why you lent money and how it helped your sister.

例: Yes, I lent money to my sister because she needed it to pay for her examination fees. This support helped her advance her career in IT, which in turn gave her more freedom and independence to work on her own.

× I have always been interested in business or having a side incomes

✓ I have always been interested in business or having side incomes

The phrase 'a side incomes' is incorrect because 'incomes' is plural and cannot be preceded by the singular article 'a'. The correct form is 'side incomes' without 'a'.

× it came about as a big health as it gives us provisions for her to upscale her career in it

✓ it was a big help as it provided her with the means to advance her career

The original sentence is unclear and incorrectly structured. 'Came about as a big health' is incorrect; the intended meaning is likely 'was a big help'. Also, 'gives us provisions for her to upscale her career' is awkward and incorrect. The correction improves clarity and grammatical correctness.

× that gives her the the freedom and the independence to function alone

✓ that gives her the freedom and independence to function alone

The phrase contains a repeated definite article 'the the', which is a typographical error. Also, 'the independence' can be used without 'the' when paired with 'freedom' in this context for smoother flow.