Money— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện: Tránh lặp từ và tiếng ồn (uh, um), sử dụng câu chủ đề rõ ràng, cấu trúc mạch lạc và chi tiết cụ thể. Nên sửa ngữ pháp (thì và trật tự từ) và dùng từ vựng phù hợp (e.g., borrow, afford, buy). Cố gắng giới hạn câu thành tối đa 4-5 câu, dùng liên từ như "because" hoặc "for example" để liên kết ý. Ví dụ cụ thể hơn về hoàn cảnh, số tiền hoặc lý do cần mượn sẽ làm câu trả lời thuyết phục hơn.

例: Yes, I have borrowed money from my mother before because I sometimes cannot afford necessary items. For instance, last week I borrowed $15 to buy a textbook that I needed for my course. I returned the money the following week after I received my allowance.

提案: Cải thiện: Trả lời cần mạch lạc với câu chủ đề rồi nêu chi tiết cụ thể và đơn giản hơn. Loại bỏ tiếng ồn (uh) và sửa lỗi ngữ pháp (thời và cấu trúc như "they were just little children"). Dùng từ vựng chính xác (e.g., "lend", "small amount", "buy snacks") và liên kết ý bằng từ như "for example" hoặc "because". Nên nêu rõ số tiền, đối tượng và kết quả (trả lại hay không) để tăng tính thuyết phục.

例: Yes, I have lent money to classmates when I was in primary school because some of them did not get money from their parents. For example, I once lent a classmate 50 cents so he could buy a snack, and he paid me back later that day.

× Yes, of course, uh, I don't also have the moment that I don't have enough money to buy items, so I have to ask my mom to send me money.

✓ Yes, of course. There are also times when I do not have enough money to buy things, so I have to ask my mom to send me money.

The original sentence uses incorrect tense and awkward phrasing. 'I don't also have the moment that I don't have' is ungrammatical. Use present simple to describe habitual situations: 'There are times when I do not have...'. Replace 'items' with 'things' for naturalness. Suggestion: use clear time expressions ('sometimes', 'there are times when') and the simple present for habitual actions.

× Uh, for example, last week I have to purchase a book which I, which is very important uh, about my knowledge and my course.

✓ For example, last week I had to purchase a book which was very important for my studies and my course.

The sentence refers to a past event (last week) so use past simple 'had to' and 'was' instead of present 'have' and 'is'. Also 'important about my knowledge' is unnatural; use 'important for my studies' or 'important for my course'. Suggestion: match verb tense to time markers like 'last week' and use natural collocations ('important for my studies').

× Yes, of course when I was in primary school, my friends, they didn't have opportunity to receive money from their parents because they were, they just a little children, Uh, so their parents scared of scamming, uh, at the time I gave someone a little bit money for them to have them purchase some.

✓ Yes, of course. When I was in primary school, some of my friends did not have the opportunity to receive money from their parents because they were just young children. Their parents were afraid of scams, so at that time I gave some of them a little money to buy things.

Multiple past-tense and phrasing errors: use past simple consistently ('did not have', 'were', 'were afraid'). Remove redundant pronouns ('my friends, they') and incorrect fragments ('they were, they just a little children'). 'Scared of scamming' is awkward; use 'afraid of scams' or 'afraid of being scammed'. 'I gave someone a little bit money for them to have them purchase some' is unclear; use 'I gave some of them a little money to buy things'. Suggestion: simplify sentences, maintain past tense for past events, and use clear subject references.