Party— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to correct grammar mistakes and avoid redundancy. For example, say "because I am an introverted person" instead of "becauses I am an introvert person." Also, avoid repeating ideas like "I don't like parties" and "I don't like to go out" without linking them smoothly. Use linking words such as "so" or "therefore" to connect ideas naturally.

例: No, I don't like parties because I am an introverted person, so I usually prefer staying at home doing activities like reading or playing video games on my PC.

提案: Improve sentence structure and coherence by combining short sentences and using linking words. Also, be more specific about the frequency and setting. For example, say "My family and I gathered every year in our apartment to celebrate my birthday."

例: When I was a kid, I had many parties, especially for my birthday. Every year, my family and I gathered in our apartment to celebrate together.

提案: Focus on clarity and grammar. Avoid filler phrases like "I don't remember accurately actually." Use past tense consistently and correct vocabulary (e.g., "beads A" is unclear). Also, use linking words to connect ideas logically.

例: Yes, when I was about 14 or 15 years old, I organized a party with my friends at a restaurant. We ate delicious food and drank soft drinks, and we had a great time together.

× No, I don't like parties becauses I am an introvert person.

✓ No, I don't like parties because I am an introvert person.

The word 'becauses' is incorrect; the correct conjunction is 'because'. This is a spelling error affecting conjunction use, so it should be corrected to 'because' to properly connect the clauses.

× And I don't like to go out.

✓ And I don't like going out.

The phrase 'like to go out' is grammatically acceptable, but in this context, 'like going out' is more natural and idiomatic. Using the gerund form after 'like' is preferred when expressing general preferences.

× Many times I prefer staying at home doing something like reading or playing or my DC.

✓ Many times I prefer staying at home doing something like reading, playing, or using my DC.

The phrase 'or my DC' is incomplete and unclear. Adding 'using' clarifies the activity. Also, commas are needed to separate items in a list for clarity.

× Every year my family. We were gathering together in a. Our apartment and we had the celebration of my birthday every year.

✓ Every year, my family gathered together in our apartment, and we celebrated my birthday every year.

The original sentences are fragmented and unclear. Combining them into a complete sentence with proper verb tense and removing unnecessary periods improves clarity and grammatical correctness.

× Yeah, One day when I was 14, age or 15, I don't remember accurately actually, I organized a party with my friends outside home.

✓ Yeah, one day when I was 14 or 15 years old, I don't remember accurately, I organized a party with my friends outside my home.

The phrase 'age or 15' is incorrect; it should be '14 or 15 years old'. Also, 'outside home' should be 'outside my home' to correctly use the possessive pronoun with the noun.

× We go to the restaurant and we ate beads A and drank a lot of drinks.

✓ We went to the restaurant and ate bread and drank a lot of drinks.

The verb tense should be past tense 'went' to match the past context. 'Beads A' seems to be a typo for 'bread'. Also, 'we ate bread and drank a lot of drinks' is the correct phrasing.

× And we have, we had a good time.

✓ And we had a good time.

The phrase 'we have, we had' mixes present and past tense unnecessarily. Since the context is past, 'we had a good time' is correct.