Party— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more concise and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence, use one or two supporting details with linking words, correct subject-verb agreement, and avoid sentence fragments. Also replace vague phrases like "cold party" with more natural expressions and reduce repetition.

例: Yes, I enjoy parties, but only when I'm with close friends. For example, I find large networking events awkward because conversations feel forced, so I prefer small gatherings where it's easier to relax and talk.

提案: Avoid double negatives and improve grammar and clarity. Begin with a direct topic sentence stating frequency, then give a specific reason with linking words. Be careful with cultural explanations—state them clearly and respectfully.

例: I rarely had parties as a child. This was partly because my parents, who come from an Asian background, prioritized studying and education, so they did not organize many social events at home.

提案: Give a clear direct answer, use correct tense, and combine related ideas with linking words. Avoid repetition and improve fluency by using concise phrases. Mention specific plans or obstacles with coherent linking words.

例: I haven't really organized a party yet, but I would like to. For example, I might arrange a surprise birthday for my sister and invite close friends; however, since we all work now, finding a time when everyone is free would be difficult.

× If I just join what I usually call a cold party, like for example a networking event.

✓ If I just join what I usually call a cold party, such as a networking event.

The sentence is a fragment and awkwardly phrased; 'like for example' is redundant. Replacing with 'such as' makes the noun phrase correct and concise and fits the present context.

× I don't like those because it tend to get awkward really quickly.

✓ I don't like those because they tend to get awkward really quickly.

Subject 'those' is plural, so the verb must be 'tend' (not 'tend' already correct) and pronoun should be 'they' instead of 'it'. Original used singular pronoun with plural referent causing a subject-pronoun disagreement. Use 'they tend' to agree in number.

× How often did you have a party when you were a kid?

✓ How often did you have parties when you were a kid?

The plural 'parties' is more natural when asking about frequency. The original singular 'a party' is grammatical but less idiomatic. Use plural to match frequency adverb usage.

× I didn't usually have nothing that often.

✓ I didn't usually have parties that often.

The original uses a double negative ('didn't' + 'nothing') which is ungrammatical in standard English. Removing 'nothing' and using plural 'parties' corrects meaning: 'I didn't usually have parties that often.'

× Part of the reason might be because I'm from an Asian family so my parents they put more focus into studying so they don't really care about party socializing.

✓ Part of the reason might be that I'm from an Asian family, so my parents put more focus on studying and don't really care about socializing at parties.

Several issues: 'might be because' is wordy; use 'might be that' for clarity. The pronoun 'my parents they' is redundant — remove one. Use correct preposition 'focus on' not 'focus into'. 'Party socializing' is awkward; 'socializing at parties' is natural. Also combine clauses to avoid repetition.

× No, no, not really. I want to try one there.

✓ No, not really. I want to try one there.

This sentence has repetition 'No, no' which is colloquial but unnecessary; removing one 'no' tightens response. However the primary tense issue: following question about organizing parties, 'I want to try one there' is present tense and acceptable if expressing present desire. No tense change required; correction removes redundancy.

× Like for example organizing birthday party for my sister or my girlfriend and inviting my friends over.

✓ For example, organizing a birthday party for my sister or my girlfriend and inviting my friends over.

Missing article 'a' before 'birthday party' is incorrect. 'Like for example' is redundant — use 'for example' or 'like'. Adding leading phrase punctuation improves fluency.

× It's going to be really fun.

✓ It would be really fun.

If the speaker is talking hypothetically about a possible future event they might prefer 'would' to indicate conditionality. If they are certain they can keep 'It's going to be really fun.' Choose 'would' for hypothetical plans and 'it's going to be' for planned events. Adjust to intended meaning.

× Although I'm working now and so do my friends, so it's going to be hard to organize free time that we can come together.

✓ Although I'm working now and so are my friends, it's going to be hard to find a time when we can all get together.

Problems: 'so do my friends' is incorrect for 'to be' verb—use 'so are my friends'. Also the sentence had two conjunctions 'Although' and 'so' causing contradiction; remove extra 'so'. 'Organize free time' is unnatural; 'find a time' or 'arrange a time' is idiomatic. 'That we can come together' should be 'when we can all get together.'