Work— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Your answer is a bit repetitive and lacks clear structure. Try to start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repeating phrases, and keep your answer concise and natural. For example, you can say: "I am currently a student, and I also work part-time as an accountant at a grocery shop to earn some pocket money and support my family."

예시: I am currently a student, and I also work part-time as an accountant at a grocery shop to earn some pocket money and support my family.

제안: Your answer provides relevant information but ends abruptly and includes unnecessary repetition. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly and avoid filler words. For example: "I work as an accountant at a grocery shop next to my house. This convenient location helps me cover my personal expenses and support my family."

예시: I work as an accountant at a grocery shop next to my house. This convenient location helps me cover my personal expenses and support my family.

제안: Your answer is quite detailed but could be more concise and avoid trailing off. Use linking words to connect your points and finish your sentences clearly. For example: "Yes, it's a great place to work because it's convenient and helps me support my family. Additionally, my friendly boss supports me, which makes the job enjoyable."

예시: Yes, it's a great place to work because it's convenient and helps me support my family. Additionally, my friendly boss supports me, which makes the job enjoyable.

제안: Your answer contains some repetition and filler words. Try to organize your ideas clearly and use linking words to improve coherence. For example: "Yes, I like the place where I work because the customers are polite and friendly. Moreover, the shop is calm, not crowded, and conveniently located."

예시: Yes, I like the place where I work because the customers are polite and friendly. Moreover, the shop is calm, not crowded, and conveniently located.

제안: Your answer has good ideas but is unclear and contains many hesitations. Try to express your future plans clearly and use linking words to connect your points. For example: "After my studies, I plan to own my own grocery shop. Currently, I am gaining experience at this shop to help me manage and improve my future business."

예시: After my studies, I plan to own my own grocery shop. Currently, I am gaining experience at this shop to help me manage and improve my future business.

× I am a student also I do part time job for my pocket money I do.

✓ I am a student and I also do a part-time job for my pocket money.

The sentence lacks proper conjunction and article usage. 'Part time job' should be 'a part-time job' to indicate a singular job. Also, the sentence structure is awkward and repetitive with 'I do' at the end. Combining the ideas with 'and' improves clarity.

× I do work in a grocery shop as an accountant and work there to get my pocket money and also help my family.

✓ I work in a grocery shop as an accountant to earn my pocket money and also help my family.

The phrase 'I do work' is unnecessary; simple present tense 'I work' is sufficient. The sentence is long and can be made clearer by removing redundancy and improving flow.

× It is very near from my house and it really helps me to cover my personal expenses and to support my family.

✓ It is very near my house and it really helps me cover my personal expenses and support my family.

'Near' does not require the preposition 'from'. Also, 'helps me to cover' can be simplified to 'helps me cover' for natural English usage.

× Yes, it's a brilliant place to work for me and it is very convenient for me as well.

✓ Yes, it's a brilliant place for me to work and it is very convenient for me as well.

The phrase 'a brilliant place to work for me' is awkward. Changing it to 'a brilliant place for me to work' is more natural and grammatically correct.

× He supports me very well and he also gives me uh.

✓ He supports me very well and he also gives me help.

The sentence ends abruptly with 'gives me uh.' It should be completed with an object like 'help' to make sense. Also, 'gives me' requires an object.

× Yes, the places place is brilliant for me, and the customers which come to my grocery shop are also very polite and friendly, and I also talk with them with polite and the place is also very calm and quiet, umm not so much populated and also very convenient for me to go there.

✓ Yes, the place is brilliant for me, and the customers who come to my grocery shop are very polite and friendly. I also talk with them politely. The place is calm and quiet, not very crowded, and very convenient for me to go to.

The phrase 'the places place' is incorrect; it should be 'the place.' 'Customers which' should be 'customers who' for people. 'Talk with them with polite' should be 'talk with them politely.' 'Not so much populated' is better expressed as 'not very crowded.' The sentence is long and should be broken into shorter sentences for clarity.

× My future workplace after my studies, I, I might not stay in this grocery shop anymore.

✓ After my studies, I might not stay in this grocery shop anymore.

The phrase 'My future workplace after my studies' is incomplete and awkward. Starting with 'After my studies' is clearer. The modal verb 'might' is used correctly here to express possibility.

× My dream is to give a grocery shop and be the owner of the grocery shop.

✓ My dream is to own a grocery shop and be its owner.

The phrase 'give a grocery shop' is incorrect; likely intended 'have' or 'own' a grocery shop. Using 'own' is appropriate here. Also, 'be the owner of the grocery shop' is redundant after 'own a grocery shop.'

× So I'm taking experience from this grocery shop and so that I can helps me to give my own grocery shop and, uh, upgrade it.

✓ So I'm gaining experience from this grocery shop so that it can help me to have my own grocery shop and upgrade it.

'Taking experience' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'gaining experience.' 'Helps me to give' is incorrect; it should be 'help me to have' or 'help me get.' Also, 'helps' should be 'help' because the subject is 'it' referring to experience or the shop, which is singular, so 'helps' is correct, but the sentence structure is awkward. Rephrasing improves clarity.