Work— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Your answer is concise and directly answers the question. To improve, add one brief supporting detail (e.g., your role focus or years of experience) and use a linking phrase if needed to make it more informative while keeping it natural and within 3–4 sentences.

예시: I work full time as a software engineer at a cybersecurity company. Specifically, I focus on developing secure authentication systems and have been in the role for three years, which has given me solid hands-on experience.

제안: The first sentence is clear, but the second sentence is repetitive and a bit awkward. Improve coherence by using a linking word and clarify the advantage (e.g., access to talent, startups, and clients). Keep it to two to three sentences and avoid repeating 'Bay' or 'competitors.'

예시: I work for a company called CyberArk based in Santa Clara in the Bay Area. Because we are located in this tech hub, we benefit from access to top talent and close partnerships with other local firms.

제안: Strong, natural response with personal detail. To improve, combine ideas into fewer sentences and use linking words for clarity (e.g., 'because' or 'for example'). Be specific about what aspects of the culture you value.

예시: Yes, definitely — it has a supportive culture that values diversity. For example, I admire the number of women leaders and the mentoring programs that help underrepresented engineers grow.

제안: Good direct answer and reason. Improve by making the opening smoother and shortening the response into two sentences. Add a linking word and one specific detail about the desk setup (e.g., dual monitors, ergonomic chair) to sound more natural and concrete.

예시: Yes, I do like my desk because everything is already set up for me. For instance, I have dual monitors and an ergonomic chair, so I can start work immediately each morning.

제안: Clear and purposeful answer with motivation. To improve further, use a linking phrase to structure the goals and add a short timeline or concrete step (e.g., lead projects, obtain certification) to make it more specific and persuasive.

예시: I want to become a senior engineer within the next three to five years by leading key projects and earning relevant certifications. In addition, I plan to mentor junior engineers so they can advance in their own careers.

× I work for a company called Cyber Ark which is based out of Santa Clara in the Bay Area.

✓ I work for a company called CyberArk which is based in Santa Clara in the Bay Area.

Use 'based in' not 'based out of' when referring to a company's main location. Also the company name is typically written as a single word 'CyberArk' (brand formatting). Suggestion: say 'based in Santa Clara' to indicate location clearly.

× We have been partnering with so many other competitors in this field that Bay being in Bay Area has been a big advantage for us.

✓ We have been partnering with many other companies in this field, and being in the Bay Area has been a big advantage for us.

'So many other competitors' is awkward; 'many other companies' is clearer. 'Bay being in Bay Area' is incorrect word order and missing article; correct phrase is 'being in the Bay Area'. Also add 'and' to connect clauses. Suggestion: use logical noun ('companies') and correct word order 'being in the Bay Area'.

× I would say it's a good place to work for many reasons and culture being the most important one.

✓ I would say it's a good place to work for many reasons, with culture being the most important one.

The original fragment 'and culture being the most important one' is a sentence fragment and uses conjunction incorrectly. Use a prepositional phrase 'with culture being...' or restructure to a full clause 'and the culture is the most important.' Suggestion: use 'with' plus gerund phrase or make a full clause.

× As a woman in the industry, being underrepresented has been always a concern, but I have seen so many other women leaders in my company and I'm inspired.

✓ As a woman in the industry, I have always been concerned about being underrepresented, but I have seen many other women leaders in my company and I'm inspired.

The dangling modifier 'As a woman in the industry, being underrepresented has been always a concern' incorrectly makes 'being underrepresented' modify the speaker. Recast to 'I have always been concerned about being underrepresented.' Also 'so many other' is informal; use 'many' here. Place 'always' before 'been' or after 'have' for natural word order: 'I have always been concerned'. Suggestion: avoid dangling modifiers and place 'always' correctly.

× Would you like the place where you work?

✓ Do you like the place where you work?

Examiner's question 'Would you like...' asks about preference in a hypothetical polite form, but given context the student should answer 'Do you like...' to state a general fact. 'Would you like the place where you work?' is unusual; change to 'Do you like the place where you work?' Suggestion: use 'Do you like...' for current preferences.

× If you mean my actual desk and the answer is yes, I do like my desk because everything is already set up for me so it's very easy for me to just get in every morning and start working.

✓ If you mean my actual desk, then yes, I do like it because everything is already set up for me, so it's very easy to come in every morning and start working.

Original sentence is long and has punctuation issues. Insert 'then' after the condition, replace 'and the answer is yes' with a comma and 'then yes'. Use 'I do like it' and avoid repeating 'for me' unnecessarily. 'Get in' is informal; 'come in' is more natural. Suggestion: break into clearer clauses and use concise phrasing.

× I have my ambitions to become a senior engineer in the same field.

✓ I have ambitions to become a senior engineer in the same field.

'My ambitions' is acceptable but redundant with 'have'; more natural is 'I have ambitions' or 'My ambition is to become...'. Remove 'my' after 'have'. Suggestion: use 'I have ambitions' or 'My ambition is to become a senior engineer.'

× I want to gain recognition from my peers based on the work that I do and I also want to help other engineers in their career.

✓ I want to gain recognition from my peers based on the work I do, and I also want to help other engineers in their careers.

'Based on the work that I do' is wordy; 'based on the work I do' is more natural. 'In their career' should be plural 'in their careers' to match 'other engineers'. Suggestion: make 'career' plural when referring to multiple people and tighten the phrase.