Work— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Good content and clear topic sentence. Improve by reducing length slightly, correcting tense consistency (use present or present perfect appropriately) and smoothing connectors. Also avoid repeating ideas and tighten sentence structure.

예시: I work as a research assistant at Tesla in Shenzhen and have focused on recycling and battery technology for five years because sustainable solutions motivate me. For example, I initiated a reuse pilot that reduced e-waste and lowered costs, demonstrating practical benefits.

제안: Strong descriptive content and relevant examples. Improve by keeping present tense for current workplace, combining sentences for conciseness, and varying vocabulary to avoid repetition. Use one linking word to show cause or contrast.

예시: I work in a corporate office near Shenzhen Bay Tech Centre, which is surrounded by green spaces and a scenic coastline. Because there are many restaurants, cafes and metro stations, commuting is convenient, and I often have picnics or coffee with colleagues in the nearby parks to relax at lunch.

제안: Clear and relevant answer with a good example. Improve fluency by removing small grammatical errors (e.g., 'a really rewarding experience') and reducing filler. Use a linking phrase to connect reason and example smoothly.

예시: Yes, it’s a good place to work because the atmosphere is supportive and collaborative, offering many career-development opportunities. For instance, I was sponsored to attend workshops and a research conference where I collaborated with engineers and policymakers, which was a very rewarding experience.

제안: Content is positive but there are grammatical errors and awkward phrasing ('more than and well equipped'). Make sentences more concise and avoid repetition of ideas already mentioned. Use one or two linking words to structure support points.

예시: Yes, I really like my workplace. The facilities are well equipped, and my friendly colleagues often meet in the break room for short chats that help me relax. I also value the company-sponsored workshops and training courses that improve my skills.

제안: Good ambition and clear goal, but reduce hesitations ('uh') and fix grammatical mistakes ('help contribute environmental friendly society'). Be specific about timeline or steps and use clearer linking words to explain reasons and outcomes.

예시: I plan to pursue a doctoral degree in sustainability and management because I want to develop renewable energy strategies for governments and advise industry on decarbonization. This path will allow me to contribute to a more sustainable, low-carbon society.

× I have worked as a research assistant at Tesla in Shenzhen for five years, focusing on recycling and battery technology because I find offering sustainable solutions very motivating.

✓ I worked as a research assistant at Tesla in Shenzhen for five years, focusing on recycling and battery technology because I find offering sustainable solutions very motivating.

Use past simple rather than present perfect when stating a finished past job with a specific duration that is now complete. 'I have worked ... for five years' implies the action continues to the present; context later shows the job is in the past, so 'I worked' is correct. Suggestion: use past simple for completed past roles and present perfect only for actions continuing to now.

× For example, I initiated a better reuse pilot that reduces e-waste and lowers cost.

✓ For example, I initiated a reuse pilot that reduced e-waste and lowered costs.

Tense consistency and plural noun: because the main clause is in the past ('I initiated'), subordinate results should use past tense ('reduced', 'lowered'). Also 'cost' should be plural 'costs' when referring to expenses in general. Suggestion: keep tenses consistent and use plural for general expenses.

× There are numerous restaurants, cafes and several metro stations, so commuting is very convenient.

✓ There are numerous restaurants, cafes, and several metro stations, so commuting is very convenient.

Grammar is correct, only punctuation needed: add a serial comma for clarity. No change in verb form. Suggestion: include commas to improve readability.

× For example, I often have picnics and coffee chats with colleagues in the nearby parks during lunch breaks, which make me relax and recharge.

✓ For example, I often have picnics and coffee chats with colleagues in the nearby parks during lunch breaks, which make me feel relaxed and recharged.

Phrase 'make me relax and recharge' is unnatural; use idiomatic adjectives 'feel relaxed and recharged'. Also keep plural agreement 'which make' matches plural antecedent 'picnics and coffee chats'. Suggestion: use 'feel' + past participle adjectives for states caused by actions.

× I worked in a corporate office near Shenzhen Bay Tech Centre, which is surrounded by ample green spaces and a beautiful coastline.

✓ I worked in a corporate office near the Shenzhen Bay Tech Centre, which is surrounded by ample green spaces and a beautiful coastline.

Use of definite article 'the' before a named complex or centre is standard in English. Suggestion: include 'the' before named buildings or centres when referring to a specific location.

× Yes, I think so. I really enjoy working there because the atmosphere is supportive and collaborative, which provides plenty of opportunities for career development.

✓ Yes, I think so. I really enjoyed working there because the atmosphere was supportive and collaborative, which provided plenty of opportunities for career development.

Tense consistency: earlier the job is referred to in the past, so change present tense verbs ('enjoy', 'is', 'provides') to past tense ('enjoyed', 'was', 'provided'). Suggestion: maintain past tense throughout when discussing a previous job.

× For example, I was sponsored to attend a series of workshops and a research conference where I collaborated with engineers and policymakers, and that was really rewarding experience.

✓ For example, I was sponsored to attend a series of workshops and a research conference where I collaborated with engineers and policymakers, and that was a really rewarding experience.

Missing indefinite article 'a' before 'really rewarding experience'. English requires 'a' before singular countable nouns. Suggestion: include appropriate articles before singular countable nouns.

× Yes, I really like my place. The facilities are more than and well equipped, and my friendly, supportive colleagues often gather in the break room for short chats, which helps me relax during the day.

✓ Yes, I really like the place where I worked. The facilities were modern and well equipped, and my friendly, supportive colleagues often gathered in the break room for short chats, which helped me relax during the day.

Original has 'more than and well equipped' which is ungrammatical. Also tense consistency: change to past ('were', 'gathered', 'helped') to match earlier past references. 'Modern and well equipped' is a clear adjective phrase. Suggestion: replace unclear quantifier with appropriate adjectives and keep verb tenses consistent.

× I also appreciate that my company sponsors career development programs such as workshops and training courses, which help me improve my skills.

✓ I also appreciated that my company sponsored career development programs such as workshops and training courses, which helped me improve my skills.

Tense consistency: change present to past to match past job context. 'Appreciated', 'sponsored', 'helped' are past simple. Suggestion: keep tense consistent when describing past employment.

× I plan to pursue a doctoral degree in sustainability and management because, uh, developing renewable energy strategy for governments or advising industry on decarbonization is my dream job.

✓ I plan to pursue a doctoral degree in sustainability and management because developing renewable energy strategies for governments or advising industry on decarbonization is my dream job.

'Strategy' should be plural 'strategies' when referring generally to multiple governments or multiple approaches. Remove filler 'uh' for formality. The present 'is my dream job' is acceptable. Suggestion: use plural nouns for general references and avoid fillers in formal responses.

× This path will allow me to contribute to sustainability and help contribute environmental friendly society.

✓ This path will allow me to contribute to sustainability and help contribute to an environmentally friendly society.

Missing prepositions and incorrect adjective form: 'help contribute environmental friendly society' needs 'contribute to an environmentally friendly society'. Use adverb 'environmentally' to modify 'friendly' and include article 'an'. Suggestion: use correct prepositions ('contribute to') and adjective/adverb forms ('environmentally friendly') and include articles where required.