Work— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence (e.g., “I am currently working”), then give one or two specific supporting points using linking words. Reduce repetition and correct grammar (e.g., use “spend a lot of time with people,” “I like learning about other cultures”).

예시: I am currently working. I enjoy interacting with colleagues because I like learning about different cultures, and that helps me celebrate their festivals and traditions. For example, I recently joined a Diwali event at work, which gave me insight into their customs.

제안: Answer the question directly by naming the workplace first (e.g., “I work at Amazon”), then explain briefly why you work there or why you like it. Use clear linking words (First, also) and correct grammar—avoid filler words and repetition.

예시: I work at Amazon. First, I need the job for financial reasons because living costs are high. Also, I enjoy the multicultural environment there, which lets me learn about colleagues’ festivals and traditions.

제안: Begin with a clear opinion (“Yes, it’s a good place to work”) and then give two specific reasons with linking words (for example, “because… and also…”). Use more precise vocabulary (e.g., “policies” or “workplace culture” instead of “ethics”) and correct grammar.

예시: Yes, it’s a good place to work. First, I meet people from many cultures, so I learn about different religions and traditions. Second, the company has respectful policies and a positive workplace culture that support everyone.

제안: Give a direct answer (“Yes, I like it”) followed by concise reasons. Replace vague expressions with specific descriptions (e.g., “clear policies,” “respectful communication,” “team support”). Avoid hesitations and repetition.

예시: Yes, I like working at Amazon. The company has clear policies and respectful communication among colleagues, and managers support employees, which makes the environment comfortable and professional.

제안: Answer directly about your plans, using linking words to separate points (e.g., “In the near future…”). Be specific about goals (learn French to X level; stay at Amazon and aim for a role). Correct grammar and avoid filler words.

예시: In the near future, I plan to learn French to improve my communication skills and opportunities here. I also intend to continue working at Amazon and possibly aim for a supervisory role after gaining more experience and language skills.

× I like to work and spend a lot, spend a lot of time with the people.

✓ I like to work and spend a lot of time with people.

Redundant article 'the' before 'people' is incorrect here; use the general noun 'people' without 'the' when speaking about people in general. Also remove repeated phrase 'spend a lot'.

× When I engage with the people, I know how to celebrate their different cultures or everything, because I am like to learn a lot of the culture.

✓ When I engage with people, I learn how to celebrate their different cultures because I like to learn about many cultures.

Use 'learn' rather than the awkward 'know how to' for this meaning; remove 'the' before 'people' and 'culture'; 'I am like to' is incorrect: use 'I like to'. Also 'a lot of the culture' should be 'many cultures' or 'a lot about their cultures'.

× There are several reasons I'm working.

✓ There are several reasons why I am working.

Missing conjunction 'why' makes the sentence unclear. Adding 'why' clarifies that what follows explains the reasons.

× First of all is very important is the money, because the everything is very expensive, right?

✓ First of all, the most important reason is money, because everything is very expensive.

Word order and articles are incorrect. Use 'the most important reason is money' and remove extra 'the' before 'everything'. Also add comma after 'First of all'.

× The moment I need to earn more and more money, uh, money for my expenses.

✓ At the moment I need to earn more money for my expenses.

'The moment' suggests immediate time and is awkward here; 'At the moment' or 'I need to earn' is better. Remove repetition 'more and more money, money'.

× And moreover, I like to enjoy the enjoy to know about the different culture peoples.

✓ Moreover, I enjoy learning about different cultures and people.

Awkward repetition 'like to enjoy the enjoy' and incorrect noun order 'culture peoples'. Use 'enjoy learning about different cultures and people.'

× There were reasons their festivals as well.

✓ There are also reasons related to their festivals.

Tense and structure incorrect: 'There were reasons their festivals' is unclear. Use 'There are also reasons related to their festivals' to indicate additional motivations.

× Currently I'm working in Amazon.

✓ Currently I'm working at Amazon.

Preposition with company: use 'at' (or 'for') instead of 'in' when referring to a workplace or company.

× It is very good place to work as I'm connected with a lots of people who are from different cultures and different religions as well as when I talk with them I came to know about the different things about their culture and I'm also sharing my culture and there are some ethics at my workplace which are very helpful for every individual.

✓ It is a very good place to work because I'm connected with a lot of people from different cultures and religions. When I talk with them I learn about various aspects of their culture and I also share my own. There are some workplace values that are very helpful for everyone.

Missing article 'a' before 'very good place'; 'a lots' should be 'a lot'; run-on sentence needs splitting; 'came to know' is past tense and awkward — use 'learn'; 'different things about their culture' -> 'various aspects of their culture'; 'ethics' better as 'workplace values'; 'every individual' -> 'everyone'.

× I like the place where I work currently I'm working in Amazon because there are lots of rules and regulations which are very important in every work.

✓ I like the place where I work. Currently I'm working at Amazon because there are many rules and regulations that are important in every workplace.

Run-on sentence; fix preposition 'at Amazon'; 'lots of' can be 'many'; 'in every work' should be 'in every workplace' or 'in every job'.

× Like everyone, uh, speaks with the in a respectful way and there are some old, there are various kind of ethics, which is very good for the every individual's.

✓ For example, everyone speaks in a respectful way and there are various kinds of workplace ethics, which are very good for every individual.

Remove filler 'uh'; fix word order 'speaks in a respectful way'; 'various kind' -> 'various kinds'; subject-verb agreement 'which are' not 'which is'; remove extra 'the' before 'every individual'.

× Currently, I'm just looking to learn about the French as it is very important for every individual in this country.

✓ Currently, I'm learning French because it is very important for people in this country.

'Looking to learn about the French' is awkward; use 'learning French' or 'trying to learn French'. Remove 'the' before 'French' when referring to the language; 'every individual' -> 'people' is more natural.

× And uh, now I'm just thinking about to continue this work Amazon because I like this work and the people with them working with.

✓ And now I'm thinking about continuing this job at Amazon because I like the work and the people I work with.

Incorrect infinitive 'thinking about to continue' should be 'thinking about continuing'; add preposition 'at' before 'Amazon'; fix 'people with them working with' to 'people I work with' for clarity.