Work— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: ปรับให้ใช้กาลเวลาให้ถูกต้องและกระชับขึ้น กล่าวกะทัดรัดเป็นประโยคปัจจุบัน/อดีตที่สอดคล้องกัน และลดความซ้ำซ้อน ควรเริ่มด้วยประโยคหัวข้อที่ชัดเจนแล้วเสริมรายละเอียดสั้นๆ เช่น หน้าที่หลัก ผลกระทบต่อคุณ และความรู้สึกต่อหน้าที่

예시: I worked as a police officer for about ten years, mainly conducting investigations and writing reports. This role allowed me to help people directly, which made the work very rewarding.

제안: ปรับไวยากรณ์และคำเชื่อมให้ลื่นไหล ใช้คำนามนับได้/ไม่ได้อย่างถูกต้องและแก้รูปพหูพจน์ที่จำเป็น ลดคำซ้ำ เช่น ‘serious and urgent crisis’ ควรเป็น ‘serious and urgent crises’ หรือเปลี่ยนโครงสร้างเพื่อความเป็นธรรมชาติ

예시: I work in the Anti-Trafficking in Persons Division of the Sentence Investigation Bureau. The office is professional and often high-pressure because we handle serious, urgent crises that require quick, careful responses.

제안: คำตอบชัดเจนและโครงสร้างดี แต่อาจย่อให้กระชับขึ้นและใช้ linking word ที่เหมาะสม เช่น ‘as a result’ หรือ ‘therefore’ เพื่อเชื่อมเหตุผลกับผลลัพธ์ พร้อมยกตัวอย่างสั้นๆ เพื่อเพิ่มความเฉพาะเจาะจง

예시: Yes, it is a great place to work because the environment is very supportive and my colleagues are professional. As a result, we rely on teamwork to investigate and solve complex human-trafficking cases.

제안: แก้คำผิดและความไม่ชัดเจน (เช่น ‘starting work’ น่าจะไม่ตรงความหมาย) ปรับให้สั้นและเป็นธรรมชาติ ระบุรายละเอียดเฉพาะ เช่นประเภทโอกาสในการพัฒนา และเชื่อมประโยคด้วย ‘not only... but also’ ให้ถูกต้อง

예시: Yes, I enjoy working there not only because of the supportive atmosphere but also because its central location makes coordination with other agencies easier and provides good opportunities for professional development.

제안: แก้ความไม่ชัด (เช่น ‘Kohl's’ ดูเหมือนไม่ถูกต้อง) และปรับลำดับประโยคให้เป็นธรรมชาติ ใช้รูปกริยาที่ถูกต้องและเติมคำเชื่อม เพิ่มรายละเอียดที่ชัดเจนเกี่ยวกับการฝึกอบรมและเป้าหมาย

예시: I plan to advance my career within the Sentence Investigation Bureau by becoming a specialist in large-scale investigations. To prepare, I am improving my English and taking training in international cooperation so I can handle multinational cases more effectively.

× I worked as a police officer and have been on the road for about 10 years.

✓ I worked as a police officer and was on the road for about 10 years.

The sentence mixes simple past 'worked' with present perfect 'have been' which creates a tense inconsistency. Use past tense throughout when referring to a finished period of employment: 'was on the road for about 10 years.' Alternatively, if the job continues to the present, change 'worked' to 'have worked.' Ensure tense consistency by keeping both verbs in the same time frame.

× I mainly ended investigations and report writing, so I get to help people directly.

✓ I mainly conducted investigations and did report writing, so I got to help people directly.

The verb 'ended investigations' is incorrect in meaning and tense. For past responsibilities, use past simple verbs: 'conducted investigations' (or 'carried out investigations') and 'did report writing.' Also change 'get' to past 'got' to match the past timeframe. Maintain consistent past tense for all actions.

× Because of this, I find my job very rewarding and meaningful.

✓ Because of this, I found my job very rewarding and meaningful.

If the speaker is describing a past job, the clause should be in the past tense to match the rest of the narrative: change 'find' to 'found.' If the job continues, adjust earlier verbs to present perfect or present. Keep tense consistent across sentences.

× I work at the Anti Trafficking in Persons Division, part of the Sentence Investigation Bureau.

✓ I work in the Anti-Trafficking in Persons Division, which is part of the Sentencing Investigation Bureau.

The phrase 'Anti Trafficking in Persons Division' needs hyphenation and a clearer preposition: 'in' is more natural. 'Part of the Sentence Investigation Bureau' is awkward; 'which is part of the Sentencing Investigation Bureau' clarifies the relationship and corrects the noun form. Ensure proper modifiers and clearer clause connection.

× The office is professional and often high pressure because we regularly handle serious and urgent crisis, so staff must respond quickly and carefully.

✓ The office is professional and often high-pressure because we regularly handle serious and urgent crises, so staff must respond quickly and carefully.

Use a hyphen for the compound adjective 'high-pressure.' 'Crisis' should be plural 'crises' to match 'serious and urgent.' This corrects adjective formation and noun plurality. Also keep adverbs 'quickly and carefully' which are correct.

× Yes, it is a great place to work because the environment is very supportive and my colleagues are highly professional, so we rely on teamwork to investigate and solve complex human trafficking cases.

✓ Yes, it is a great place to work because the environment is very supportive and my colleagues are highly professional, so we rely on teamwork to investigate and solve complex human-trafficking cases.

Main correction is hyphenating 'human-trafficking' as a compound adjective. Pronouns are acceptable, but compound adjective formatting improves clarity. No pronoun mismatch; keep sentence structure and tense consistent.

× Yes, I enjoy working there, not only because of the supportive atmosphere and starting work, but also because the office centre location makes coordination with other agencies easier and offers good opportunities for professional development.

✓ Yes, I enjoy working there, not only because of the supportive atmosphere and the nature of the work, but also because the office's central location makes coordination with other agencies easier and offers good opportunities for professional development.

'Starting work' is unclear—replace with 'the nature of the work.' 'Office centre location' should be 'office's central location' to show possession and correct adjective order. These changes fix sentence structure and clarity.

× I'm planning to advance my career within the Sentence Investigation Bureau by becoming a specialist in Kohl's broader investigations.

✓ I'm planning to advance my career within the Sentencing Investigation Bureau by becoming a specialist in more complex investigations.

The original contains a probable typo 'Kohl's' and an incorrect bureau name. Replace with 'Sentencing Investigation Bureau' and rephrase 'broader investigations' to 'more complex investigations' for clarity and naturalness. The future plan tense 'I'm planning to' is correct.

× To prepare, I am improving my English and taking training international cooperation so it can handle multinational cases more effectively.

✓ To prepare, I am improving my English and taking training in international cooperation so I can handle multinational cases more effectively.

Missing preposition 'in' after 'training' is required: 'training in international cooperation.' Also 'so it can' is incorrect subject reference; change to 'so I can' to match the speaker. This fixes preposition use and pronoun reference.