Work— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and use a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question first (e.g., “I’m currently taking a gap year.”). Then give one or two specific supporting details (what volunteer work and what you’re preparing for). Avoid unnecessary dates or repetition to keep within the 5-sentence limit.

예시: I’m currently taking a gap year. I’m volunteering at a community centre teaching maths and English to children, and I’m also preparing my university applications and entrance exams.

제안: Start with a direct answer to location (e.g., ‘I volunteer at a local community centre’), use correct verb forms, and avoid repeating that you are a gap year student. Give one specific detail about the centre or your tasks and use linking words to connect ideas.

예시: I volunteer at a local community centre near my neighbourhood. There, I teach mathematics and English to primary school children to gain classroom experience, and I plan to continue while I prepare for university.

제안: Correct vocabulary and phrasing (e.g., ‘meals’ not ‘meats’; avoid ‘oral’). Begin with a clear opinion sentence, then give two specific reasons linked with connectors like ‘because’ or ‘and’ to make it coherent. Watch for small grammatical errors that reduce clarity.

예시: Yes, it’s a very pleasant place to work because the classrooms are comfortable and there’s a spacious green garden where volunteers can relax, and the centre even provides meals for volunteers.

제안: Begin with a single clear statement of liking, then give two concise and specific reasons. Use correct collocations (e.g., ‘close to nature’ not ‘close to their nature’) and linking words like ‘because’ and ‘so’. Keep sentences natural and avoid redundancy.

예시: Yes, definitely. I like it because it’s close to nature, which makes the workplace peaceful, and I enjoy teaching the children because they are curious and motivated, so I feel inspired to help them improve.

제안: Start with a clear topic sentence about your main plan (e.g., ‘I plan to work in education and outreach’). Avoid irrelevant personal descriptions like ‘pure, legit family’ which don’t add clarity. Provide specific examples of how you will help (types of programs or roles) and use linking words for coherence.

예시: I plan to work in education and outreach, focusing on supporting children in rural areas and people with disabilities. For example, I would like to join an educational nonprofit or design outreach programs that provide tutoring and university-application support.

× I graduated from my high school in 2025 and I'm currently taking a gap year.

✓ I graduated from high school in 2025 and I'm currently taking a gap year.

Remove the definite article 'my' before 'high school' because in this general context native speakers typically say 'graduated from high school'. The tense 'graduated' is correct for a completed action in the past, and 'I'm currently taking' correctly uses present continuous for an ongoing action.

× A few months ago I volunteered as a teacher at a local Community Center where I thought mathematics and English to children to gain classroom experience.

✓ A few months ago I volunteered as a teacher at a local community center where I taught mathematics and English to children to gain classroom experience.

The verb 'thought' is a spelling mistake and should be the past tense 'taught' (past participle not required here because simple past is used). Use lowercase for 'community center' as it is not a proper noun. This sentence correctly uses past tense 'volunteered' and 'taught' for past completed actions.

× It has a spacious green garden and provides meats for its volunteers, and the classrooms are very comfortable, so oral it's a pleasant place to work.

✓ It has a spacious green garden and provides meals for its volunteers, and the classrooms are very comfortable, so overall it's a pleasant place to work.

'Meats' is incorrect in this context; use 'meals' to refer to food provided. 'Oral' is a typographical error and should be 'overall'. 'Provides meals' is the correct collocation for offering food to volunteers.

× It is located close to their nature and which makes their workplace peaceful and pleasant.

✓ It is located close to nature, which makes the workplace peaceful and pleasant.

The phrase 'close to their nature' is incorrect; say 'close to nature' to indicate proximity to natural surroundings. Remove 'which makes their workplace' and replace with 'which makes the workplace' for clarity and correct reference. Also combine into one relative clause instead of using 'and which' after 'and' incorrectly.

× And I really enjoy working with many children there because they are curious and eager to learn and I feel motivated to teach them and to help them make progress.

✓ I really enjoy working with the children there because they are curious and eager to learn, and I feel motivated to teach them and help them make progress.

Avoid starting the sentence with 'And' in formal speech and use 'the children' rather than 'many children' for naturalness. Remove the extra 'to' before 'help' ('teach them and help them') for parallel structure. Add a comma before 'and' to separate clauses.

× Having grown up in a pure, legit family, I want to help people with disabilities and children who grew up in rural areas without access to higher education.

✓ Having grown up in a respectable, law-abiding family, I want to help people with disabilities and children who grew up in rural areas without access to higher education.

The adjective 'pure, legit' is awkward and informal. 'Legit' is slang; replace with 'law-abiding' or 'respectable' to convey the intended meaning. 'Having grown up' is correct as a participial phrase explaining background.

× Currently I'm a gap year student, so I'm preparing for my university applications and exams.

✓ Currently I'm a gap-year student, so I'm preparing my university applications and exams.

Hyphenate 'gap-year' when used as a compound adjective. Use 'preparing my university applications' or 'preparing for my university applications'—both possible; here 'preparing my applications' is more concise. Present continuous 'I'm preparing' is appropriate.