Work— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct minor grammar errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetition (e.g., "I'm doing both" and "I work part time" convey the same idea). Use correct tense and article usage ("I chose this subject" or "I chose this major").

예시: I'm both a student and a part-time worker. I study early childhood education full time because I'm passionate about helping children develop, and I also work evenings as a restaurant cashier to support my studies.

제안: Use clearer, more natural phrasing and correct word choice. Give one precise sentence about the place and your role, then one short sentence about key duties. Use plural/singular correctly ("at the front desk" not "front desk a representative").

예시: I work at a Popeyes restaurant as a cashier at the front counter. My main duties are taking payments and handing customers their orders.

제안: Avoid repetition and grammar mistakes; be specific with examples. Start with a clear opinion sentence, then give one or two concrete examples of support, using correct tense and number ("days off," "when I need them").

예시: Yes, it's a good place to work because my colleagues are supportive. For example, they cover my shifts so I can take days off to finish assignments, and they are flexible when I need to study for exams.

제안: Answer directly whether you like the workplace, then explain reasons and future plans briefly. Correct phrasing ("I work there to support myself while studying") and clarify 'Cornell' (if you mean the university or a city). Avoid unrelated repetition.

예시: I do like my current job because it helps pay my expenses while I study. However, in the future I plan to work as an early childhood educator at a reputable daycare, possibly affiliated with Cornell University.

제안: Good structure and clear goals. Improve by using more natural phrasing and adding a brief reason or step showing how you'll achieve these goals. Keep it concise and use linking words like "in the short term" and "in the long term."

예시: In the short term, I see myself working as an early childhood educator within three to four years to gain practical experience. In the long term, I aim to become a program supervisor responsible for developing curricula and training staff.

× Actually, I'm doing both.

✓ Actually, I do both.

Use of present continuous 'I'm doing both' is less appropriate for a habitual state; the simple present 'I do both' correctly expresses that the student both works and studies as regular activities. Use simple present for routines and facts.

× I work part time as a restaurant cashier and I study full time in college and my major is early childhood education.

✓ I work part-time as a restaurant cashier and I study full-time in college; my major is Early Childhood Education.

Hyphenate compound modifiers 'part-time' and 'full-time'. Use a semicolon or split into sentences to connect related clauses. Capitalize academic program names as a proper noun 'Early Childhood Education'. This improves clarity and correctness.

× I choose this study because I'm passionate about working with children and exploring their growth.

✓ I chose this field of study because I'm passionate about working with children and observing their growth.

The decision was made in the past, so use past tense 'chose'. 'Study' is better phrased as 'field of study' or 'program'. 'Exploring their growth' is awkward; 'observing their growth' or 'supporting their development' fits context.

× Examiner: Where do you work?>

✓ Examiner: Where do you work?

The extraneous '>' character is not appropriate punctuation. Remove it to present a proper question.

× I work in a restaurant, a famous restaurant called Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen.

✓ I work in a restaurant called Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen.

The phrase 'a restaurant, a famous restaurant called' is redundant. Simplify by using 'a restaurant called'. If emphasizing fame, 'a well-known restaurant called' is acceptable.

× I have a cashier or front desk a representative job there.

✓ I have a cashier or front-desk representative job there.

Word order and articles are incorrect. Use 'front-desk representative' as a compound noun and omit the extra article. Hyphenate 'front-desk' for clarity.

× My duties are mainly to take the cash and pass the orders to the customer on the counter.

✓ My duties are mainly to take payments and pass orders to customers at the counter.

'Take the cash' is better as 'take payments'. Use plural 'customers' for general duties. 'Pass the orders to the customer on the counter' is awkward; 'at the counter' is the correct locational phrase.

× Of course, I believe my workplace is both supportive and collaborative.

✓ Of course, I believe my workplace is both supportive and collaborative.

Sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed. Included here to indicate no applicable error.

× My team members usually help me to take take a day offs whenever I needed to complete my assignment.

✓ My team members usually help me take days off whenever I need to complete an assignment.

Remove duplicate 'take'. Use 'days off' (plural) instead of 'a day offs'. Align tense: use present 'need' for habitual support. Use 'an assignment' or 'my assignment' for clarity.

× Not only this, they always support my studies whenever I have to take extra.

✓ They also always support my studies whenever I need to take extra time or shifts off.

'Not only this' is awkward; 'They also' is natural. 'Have to take extra' is incomplete; specify 'extra time' or 'additional shifts off'. Use present tense 'need' for habitual actions.

× I'm working part time there for my needs as I'm student right now.

✓ I'm working part-time there to support myself while I'm a student right now.

Hyphenate 'part-time'. 'For my needs' is awkward; 'to support myself' is clearer. Include article 'a' before 'student'.

× However, in the future I'm planning to work as an early childhood educator in some well established daycare in Cornell.

✓ However, in the future I'm planning to work as an early childhood educator at a well-established daycare near Cornell.

Use 'at' for workplaces. Hyphenate 'well-established'. 'In Cornell' is odd; 'at/in Cornell University' or 'near Cornell' depending on meaning. Use article 'a' before 'well-established daycare'.

× If I talk about short term goals, I am seeing myself as an early childhood educator in three to four years, and if I talk about long term goals, I would go for a higher position such as program supervisor to build the curriculum.

✓ If I talk about short-term goals, I see myself as an early childhood educator in three to four years; for long-term goals, I would aim for a higher position such as program supervisor to develop curriculum.

Use 'see myself' (simple present) for future projection rather than 'am seeing myself'. Hyphenate 'short-term' and 'long-term'. 'Go for' is informal; 'aim for' is better. Use 'develop curriculum' or 'build the curriculum' depending on nuance; 'develop curriculum' is more natural.