Hometown— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Try to make your answer more fluent and grammatically correct by avoiding filler words like 'uh' and 'umm'. Also, clarify and correct phrases such as 'a goddess where many people were go to worship there' to 'a temple dedicated to a goddess, which attracts many worshippers.' Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.

예시: My hometown is in Kosi Province, specifically in Tapizun district. It is a beautiful place with mesmerizing views. Moreover, it is well known for the Patiwara temple, which is dedicated to a goddess and attracts many worshippers.

제안: Expand your answer by providing more details and avoid filler words like 'umm'. Use linking words to add supporting information and make your response more engaging and complete.

예시: What I like most about my hometown is the stunning view of the mountains. Additionally, the fresh air and peaceful environment make it a great place to relax.

제안: Make your answer clearer and more concise by structuring it properly. Avoid repetition and filler words. Use linking words to explain your connection to your hometown and the occasions you visit.

예시: I was born and raised in the city, so I don't visit my hometown every year. However, I usually go there during family occasions and festivals like Sai Tihar, when people gather to celebrate together.

제안: Avoid filler words and improve grammar, such as 'children's' should be 'children' and 'there's no any good accommodation' should be 'there is no good accommodation'. Use linking words to connect reasons logically and provide a more natural response.

예시: In my opinion, my hometown is not a good place for young people because there is no proper education for children. Furthermore, hospitals are located far away, and there is a lack of good accommodation.

× My hometown is in Kosi province #1 it's in Tapizun district uh.

✓ My hometown is in Kosi Province #1; it's in Tapizun District, uh.

Proper nouns like 'Province' and 'District' should be capitalized. Also, a semicolon or period is needed to separate two independent clauses instead of just a space.

× It's a beautiful place with mesmerizing views.

✓ It's a beautiful place with mesmerizing views.

This sentence is grammatically correct; no correction needed.

× Umm it is well known popular for Patiwara temple, a goddess where many people were go to worship there.

✓ Umm, it is well known and popular for the Patiwara Temple, a goddess where many people go to worship.

The phrase 'well known popular' needs 'and' to connect adjectives. 'For' is correct here. 'Were go' is incorrect; it should be 'go'. Also, 'the' is needed before 'Patiwara Temple' as it is a specific place.

× The only thing that I like about my hometown would probably be a view of mountains.

✓ The only thing that I like about my hometown would probably be the view of the mountains.

Use 'the' before 'view' and 'mountains' because it refers to specific mountains known to the speaker and listener.

× As I was born in city and raised in city, I usually don't go there every year but if there if there is any occasion in my family and functions and festivals like the Sai Tihar where people gather and celebrate together on that.

✓ As I was born and raised in the city, I usually don't go there every year, but if there is any occasion in my family, such as functions and festivals like Sai Tihar, where people gather and celebrate together, I go.

The sentence is long and confusing with repeated phrases and missing articles. 'In city' should be 'in the city'. Repetition of 'if there' is incorrect. Added commas and restructured for clarity.

× Uh, in my opinion, I don't think my hometown is a good place for young people because there is no proper education for children's and even the hospitals are really far, so there's no any good accommodation.

✓ Uh, in my opinion, I don't think my hometown is a good place for young people because there is no proper education for children, and even the hospitals are really far, so there is no good accommodation.

'Children's' is incorrect; it should be 'children' (plural noun). 'No any' is incorrect; use 'no' or 'any' but not both together.