Hometown— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: 発音や文法の誤りを直し、文を簡潔で自然にまとめましょう。具体的には不要な単語（例：最初の “Town”）を削除し、動詞の時制や主語と動詞の一致（“attract”→“attracts”）を直します。また、5文以内に収め、トピック文→補足という構成を守ってください。例を一つか二つの具体的な特徴に絞ると効果的です。

예시: My hometown is Rias, a suburb of Tokyo. It is well known for Disneyland, which attracts many foreign visitors. There are also large parks with plenty of green space, so it is a comfortable place to live.

제안: 意味が伝わりにくい表現（“it hurts many convenient facilities”）や不自然な語順を直しましょう。まずトピック文で好きな点を明確に述べ、そのあと具体例（24-hour convenience stores）とそれが自分にとってどう便利かを説明してください。語彙はコンテキストに合った単語（convenient facilities → convenient facilities / convenience stores）を使い、文を簡潔に保ちます。

예시: What I like most are the convenient facilities. For example, there are many 24-hour convenience stores, so I can buy things any time, which is very helpful when I'm busy or need something late at night.

제안: 回答はほぼ良いですが、語順と表現をより自然に整えましょう（“it's been about 18 years”→“I've lived there for 18 years”）。“seen the state develop”は不自然なので“seen the town develop”など具体的な語を使い、文を二つに分けて明確にすると聞き手に伝わりやすいです。

예시: I've lived there for 18 years since I was born. I've seen the town develop a lot over time, but it is still a comfortable place for me.

제안: 短く答えすぎず、意見の理由を具体的に述べましょう。文のつなぎ方が不自然なので接続詞を使って流れを良くし、句読点と文の完全性に注意してください。Disneylandを挙げるのは良いですが、“warm places”は不明確なので“fun attractions”など具体的な語を使い、若者にとっての利点（仕事や遊び、交通の便）を一つ加えると良いです。

예시: Yes, it is. There are fun attractions like Disneyland that many young people enjoy, and there are also peaceful natural areas where they can relax. In addition, good transportation and plenty of shops make it convenient for young people.

× Town My hometown is Rias, A suburb near Tokyo.

✓ My hometown is Rias, a suburb near Tokyo.

This sentence has incorrect word order and capitalization. 'Town' at the start is unnecessary and 'A' should be lowercase because it continues the sentence. Suggestion: remove the stray word 'Town' and use 'a' not 'A', producing 'My hometown is Rias, a suburb near Tokyo.'

× It is well known for Disneyland, which attract many foreign visitors, and there are many large parks with plenty of green space, so it's comfortable to live.

✓ It is well known for Disneyland, which attracts many foreign visitors, and there are many large parks with plenty of green space, so it's comfortable to live there.

The relative clause requires third person singular verb 'attracts' to agree with singular 'Disneyland'. Also the phrase 'comfortable to live' is missing 'there' to clarify location. Suggestion: change 'attract' to 'attracts' and add 'there' at the end.

× The thing I like about Hometown is that it hurts many convenient facilities there.

✓ The thing I like about my hometown is that it has many convenient facilities.

The sentence uses the wrong verb 'hurts' which is unrelated; also 'Hometown' should be lowercase and possessive 'my' is needed. Use 'has' to indicate possession. Suggestion: use 'has many convenient facilities'.

× For example, there are many 24 hours convenience store so I can get the thing.

✓ For example, there are many 24-hour convenience stores so I can get what I need.

'24 hours convenience store' is ungrammatical: use the compound adjective '24-hour' and plural 'stores' to match 'many'. 'the thing' is vague; 'what I need' is natural. Suggestion: use '24-hour convenience stores' and pluralize the noun.

× I have lived there since I was born, so it's been about 18 years and I have seen the state develop over time, but it's a comfortable place for me still.

✓ I have lived there since I was born, so it's been about 18 years, and I have seen the town develop over time, but it is still a comfortable place for me.

'state' is not appropriate; 'town' fits context. Place 'still' is better before the phrase 'a comfortable place' or after 'is'. Also avoid contraction mismatch; clear phrasing: 'it is still a comfortable place for me.' Suggestion: replace 'state' with 'town' and reposition 'still'.

× Absolutely. There are warm places such as Disneyland, which is the dream destination for many of them and. Peaceful spaces with nature.

✓ Absolutely. There are warm places such as Disneyland, which is the dream destination for many of them, and peaceful natural spaces.

Sentence fragments and an extra conjunction 'and.' 'Peaceful spaces with nature' is awkward; 'peaceful natural spaces' is more natural. Suggestion: combine into one sentence with proper punctuation and remove the stray 'and.'