Jewelry— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and organized: start with a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, then give one or two brief supporting reasons. Avoid irrelevant or confusing details (e.g. "piercing my diploma") and watch grammar (tenses, articles, word order). Use linking words like "because" or "so" to connect ideas. Keep your answer under five sentences.

예시: I do like wearing jewellery, but I rarely wear it at work. Because I teach young children, I avoid necklaces and bracelets as they can be choking hazards. So I usually leave my jewellery at home and only wear it on days off.

제안: Give a clear topic sentence naming the type of jewellery, then add a specific reason or example. Correct basic grammar (subject-verb agreement, word forms) and use one linking word to connect the reason. Keep it brief and coherent.

예시: I prefer simple jewellery, such as small stud earrings. They go with almost every outfit, and because I’m quite lazy, I like pieces that are easy to wear and don’t require matching.

제안: Answer directly and avoid unclear or garbled phrases. State when you buy jewellery, then give one clear reason (e.g. cost, versatility). Use simpler vocabulary if unsure of complex words and limit to three sentences.

예시: Yes, I usually buy jewellery for special occasions like birthdays or weddings. However, I also buy simple, timeless pieces because they match many outfits and are more affordable than large, ornate items.

제안: Start with a direct opinion and give two specific reasons (superstition, sentimental value). Avoid repetition and fill words. Use linking words like "first" and "also" to structure your answer and finish the sentence clearly.

예시: Some people wear jewellery for a long time because they believe it brings them luck. Also, many items are keepsakes from loved ones, so they keep them for sentimental reasons.

× I am kind of person who's very fond of wearing different jewellery pieces but right now I'm piercing my early childhood education diploma.

✓ I am the kind of person who's very fond of wearing different jewellery pieces, but right now I'm pursuing my early childhood education diploma.

The original sentence used 'piercing' incorrectly; the correct verb is 'pursuing' for studying toward a diploma. Also add the article 'the' before 'kind of person' for natural English and a comma before the contrasting clause. Use present continuous 'I'm pursuing' to match 'right now'. Suggestion: use 'pursuing' or 'studying for' a diploma.

× So usually I spend my whole day with the children where there is impossible to carry all this ornament along with because they will choking hazards for the children.

✓ So usually I spend my whole day with the children, where it is impossible to wear all this jewellery because they would be choking hazards for the children.

The original has several structure and word choice errors: 'where there is impossible' should be 'where it is impossible'; 'carry all this ornament along with' should be 'wear all this jewellery'; 'they will choking hazards' needs auxiliary verb and article: 'they would be choking hazards'. Use conditional 'would' to indicate potential danger. Also add commas for clarity. Suggestion: simplify wording and use 'jewellery' and 'choking hazards' correctly.

× So I keep all this stuff in my mind and just ignore where.

✓ So I keep all this stuff in mind and just ignore it.

The phrase 'in my mind' is acceptable but 'in my mind' vs 'in mind' both work; the main errors are 'ignore where' which is incorrect. Replace with 'ignore it' to refer to jewellery. Also 'keep in mind' usually means remember; if meaning 'leave them somewhere' say 'put them away'. Suggestion: use clear pronoun 'it' or rephrase 'I leave them at home'.

× OK, I prefer very simple settled and liked with jewelry like the small studs that goes with my every outfit.

✓ OK, I prefer very simple, understated jewellery, like small studs that go with every outfit.

Problems: 'settled and liked with' is incorrect phrasing; 'understated' conveys simple style. Use British 'jewellery' or 'jewelry' consistently. 'Small studs that goes' has subject-verb agreement error: plural 'studs' requires 'go'. Remove 'my' before 'every outfit' - 'every' already implies possession. Suggestion: use adjective 'understated' and ensure verb agrees with plural subject.

× Because I am very lazy person I never match my earring pieces with my outfits most often and.

✓ Because I am a very lazy person, I usually do not match my earrings to my outfits.

Missing article 'a' before 'very lazy person'. 'Earring pieces' is awkward; use 'earrings'. 'I never match... most often' is contradictory; replace with 'I usually do not match'. Also remove trailing 'and'. Suggestion: include articles and choose consistent frequency adverb placement ('usually' before main verb).

× Yes, I OK isn't it might well be mainly for special occasions like birthdays or weddings, but I prefer some simple timeless PC sectors are penetrated start airing because they match with the different outwards and they even cost me much lower as compared to the heavy pieces or very stunning pieces of jewellery.

✓ Yes, I do, but I mainly buy jewellery for special occasions like birthdays or weddings. I prefer simple, timeless pieces because they match different outfits and cost much less than heavy or very elaborate pieces of jewellery.

Original sentence is fragmented and contains nonsensical phrases ('PC sectors are penetrated start airing'). Correct with clear clauses: 'I do' answers the question; 'mainly' with present tense 'buy'. Use 'pieces' for countable noun and 'cost much less than' for comparison. Remove unnecessary modal confusion. Suggestion: keep sentences short and use common collocations like 'timeless pieces' and 'match outfits'.

× If I talk about the people from my country, those who wear the jewellery PCs are unknown for a long time.

✓ If I talk about people from my country, those who wear jewellery pieces often keep them for a long time.

Original contains 'jewellery PCs are unknown' which is incorrect. Replace with 'jewellery pieces often keep them for a long time' to express meaning. Use 'people' without 'the' for generalization and 'often' for frequency. Suggestion: rephrase to clarify subject and action.

× They feel that they feel that the luck for them maybe uh, or there is one other reason like the one I feel the why I choose to wear the jewellery for a long time is that they are gifted from somebody special to you on your.

✓ They feel that jewellery brings them luck, or one reason I choose to wear jewellery for a long time is that it was gifted to you by somebody special.

Original repeats 'they feel' and is ungrammatical ('the luck for them maybe'). Use 'brings them luck' or 'brings luck'. For the second clause use passive past 'was gifted to you by somebody special' to indicate origin. Also correct pronoun consistency: 'you' vs 'they'. Suggestion: avoid repetition and use clear subject agreement and passive construction for 'gifted' when appropriate.