Writing— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Your answer is informative but a bit lengthy and slightly repetitive. Try to be more concise and avoid redundancy by combining similar ideas and using linking words for coherence. Also, use simpler phrases like 'I keep daily records' instead of 'all the stuff'.

예시: Yes, I write a lot because, as a physiotherapist, I need to assess patients and keep daily records of their progress, which I later enter into the computer.

제안: Your answer is relevant but somewhat unclear and wordy. Try to structure your response with a clear topic sentence and supporting details, using linking words to improve flow. Also, avoid awkward phrases like 'making it on my own self' and use simpler expressions.

예시: I like writing patient diagnoses because it shows that I have assessed them correctly, which helps me create effective treatment plans for their follow-up visits.

제안: Your answer is confusing and contains contradictions. Avoid repeating phrases and clarify your ideas. Use linking words to connect your points logically. Also, be specific about what you mean by 'things you write' and 'writing system'.

예시: I think the information I write changes as I reassess patients and learn more about their symptoms. However, the way I record this information, such as handwritten notes, is unlikely to change soon.

제안: Your answer has good ideas but is incomplete and somewhat unclear. Avoid unfinished sentences and explain your points clearly. Use linking words to connect ideas and avoid vague phrases like 'electricity is the main culprit'.

예시: I prefer handwriting notes because it helps me think deeply about the patient's condition. Also, typing depends on electricity, which can sometimes be unreliable.

제안: Your answer is relevant but contains some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Use correct tense and simpler expressions. Also, link your ideas smoothly for better coherence.

예시: I used to keep diaries when I was younger, but now I prefer using my mobile phone to set reminders because it is more convenient.

제안: Your answer is good but a bit wordy and repetitive. Try to be more concise and use linking words to connect your ideas. Also, avoid awkward phrases like 'clicking photographs' and use 'taking photographs' instead.

예시: I mainly record my life by taking photographs and videos of moments I enjoy, which help me remember the positive experiences.

× Yes, I do write a lot because being a physiotherapist by profession, I need to assess and reassess the patient and write it down on a paper to keep a record of all the data that has been told to me by the patient.

✓ Yes, I do write a lot because being a physiotherapist by profession, I need to assess and reassess the patient and write it down on paper to keep a record of all the data that has been told to me by the patient.

The phrase 'write it down on a paper' is incorrect because 'paper' is an uncountable noun here and does not require the article 'a'. The correct phrase is 'write it down on paper'. This improves the naturalness and correctness of the sentence.

× Yes, I mentioned earlier that I am a physiotherapist so I am very keen in writing the patient diagnosis and by making it on my own self.

✓ Yes, I mentioned earlier that I am a physiotherapist so I am very keen on writing the patient's diagnosis and making it myself.

The phrase 'keen in writing the patient diagnosis' is incorrect; the correct preposition is 'keen on'. Also, 'patient diagnosis' should be possessive as 'patient's diagnosis'. The phrase 'making it on my own self' is awkward; 'making it myself' is the correct reflexive pronoun usage.

× It really brings a pride in my own that I have assessed the patient correctly due to which I'll be able to form a correct treatment plan for the further follow up visits of the patient.

✓ It really brings pride to me that I have assessed the patient correctly, due to which I'll be able to form a correct treatment plan for the further follow-up visits of the patient.

The phrase 'brings a pride in my own' is incorrect. 'Pride' is an uncountable noun and does not take 'a'. Also, 'in my own' is awkward; 'to me' is appropriate. 'Further follow up visits' should be hyphenated as 'further follow-up visits'.

× No, I don't think. I don't think so.

✓ No, I don't think so.

The sentence 'No, I don't think.' is incomplete and awkward. The correct expression is 'No, I don't think so.' which is a complete negative response.

× The things that I usually write will change because I assess and reassess the patient accordingly.

✓ The things that I usually write do not change because I assess and reassess the patient accordingly.

The original sentence contradicts the intended meaning. The student means the things do not change, so 'will change' is incorrect. Also, 'will change' is future tense which does not fit here. The correction uses present tense and negation to express the intended meaning.

× After getting note I after getting to know the symptoms that the patient has spoken to me.

✓ After getting the notes and after getting to know the symptoms that the patient has told me.

The original sentence is fragmented and repetitive. 'After getting note I after getting to know' is incorrect. It should be 'After getting the notes and after getting to know'. Also, 'has spoken to me' is better expressed as 'has told me' for symptoms.

× So after all the evaluation I make the correct diagnosis.

✓ So after all the evaluation, I make the correct diagnosis.

A comma is needed after the introductory phrase 'So after all the evaluation' to improve sentence clarity and structure.

× I don't think so that the current writing system will ever change.

✓ I don't think that the current writing system will ever change.

The phrase 'I don't think so that' is incorrect. The correct form is 'I don't think that'. 'So' is unnecessary here and should be omitted.

× I prefer to write handwritten notes rather than typing because I feel that when you hand write all the assessment and reassessment, you and your brain start diagnosing the condition after evaluating whole all the disease perspectives.

✓ I prefer to write handwritten notes rather than type because I feel that when you handwrite all the assessment and reassessment, you and your brain start diagnosing the condition after evaluating all the disease perspectives.

The phrase 'prefer to write handwritten notes rather than typing' mixes infinitive and gerund forms incorrectly; it should be 'prefer to write... rather than type'. 'Hand write' should be one word 'handwrite'. 'Evaluating whole all the disease perspectives' is incorrect; 'all the disease perspectives' is correct.

× And in computer based typing the electricity is the main culprit due to which if.

✓ And in computer-based typing, electricity is the main culprit, which can cause problems if it fails.

The original sentence is incomplete and unclear. 'Due to which if' is an incomplete clause. The correction completes the thought and adds necessary punctuation and clarity.

× I have kept 2 Diaries in my young hood but now I don't keep Diaries because mobile phones are available in the market and each one of us is having it.

✓ I kept 2 diaries in my youth but now I don't keep diaries because mobile phones are available in the market and each one of us has one.

'Young hood' is incorrect; the correct word is 'youth'. 'Diaries' should not be capitalized. 'Each one of us is having it' is incorrect; 'each one of us has one' is correct.

× So much more convenient ways to keep a reminder of all the chores that you are going to do in a day.

✓ There are much more convenient ways to keep reminders of all the chores that you are going to do in a day.

The original sentence is a fragment without a subject and verb. Adding 'There are' completes the sentence. 'A reminder' should be plural 'reminders' to agree with 'ways'.

× I think the first and the most important method that I used to record my life is the clicking photographs and keeping a memory of it for the lifetime.

✓ I think the first and most important method that I use to record my life is clicking photographs and keeping memories of them for a lifetime.

'Used to' implies past habit; present tense 'use' fits better. 'The clicking photographs' is incorrect; 'clicking photographs' is correct. 'Keeping a memory of it' should be plural 'keeping memories of them'. 'For the lifetime' should be 'for a lifetime'.

× And second more important thing is just keeping or videographing the incidents, whichever thing that I like in my surroundings so that it reminds me of all the positive aspects of life that I have enjoyed.

✓ The second most important thing is just keeping or videographing the incidents, whichever I like in my surroundings, so that it reminds me of all the positive aspects of life that I have enjoyed.

Starting a sentence with 'And' is informal and unnecessary. 'Second more important thing' should be 'second most important thing'. 'Whichever thing that I like' is awkward; 'whichever I like' is better. Commas are added for clarity.